He's left me

[Dreamon]

My husband has left me. He told me 4 days after I found out that I'm 6 weeks pregnant with our first child- which we had to get fertility treatment for. he left me on our holiday with my family- the day we arrived he said he didn't want the baby and wanted a divorce. He told me over the phone he wants a divorce and since then has refused to answer my calls. He has gone overseas now to clear his head. This is not like him. I thought our marriage was secure- obviously there are some issues but I never dreamed to this extent. I don't want a divorce. I still love him. I'm so scared. Help.

Hey Dreamon, have been reading this thread and can't get this square in my mind, he just wakes up one day and says that its over he wants a divorce? Thats so cold.
There must be more to it?
So pleased to hear that your little baby is OK and I am sure you will have a really lovely pregnancy, those hormones can really take you over though!
Counselling sounds wise,if nothing else at least you will get some answers. xx

Dreamon - really well done! I think it is working; the fact that he asked you to book a counsellor, dropping by and isn't changing his mobile number and such like is due to the fact that you are showing so much cool and control. Do you male (and female) company that you can use to help fill the emotional gap. I predict that when you start to move on, your (weak) DH will be begging you to patch up. He will see your strength and want to lean on you. I have a hunch about that.

Kind regards

I am pleased that you and the baby are well. I just want you to go into the counselling with an open mind, I dont want to put a downer on anything but this has happened to two people I know recently and there was another woman, one went through the charade of counselling the other never but claimed to have depression. It turns out they had both moved on but were too cowardly to say. I hope this isnt the case for you. Good luck!!x

So it's official. There is another woman. I checked his email today. He initially denied it untill I started reading it to him. He's known her 3 months and he says he loves her. She lives in another country. That's were he was, staying with her in Hungary while I was crying on my mothers kitchen floor. He is not willing to let go of her and therfore not willing to work on our marriage. I'm beyond devasted and really want to hurt myself. I don't think I can do this.

Oh what a cowardly fucking bastard. Why do they all follow the same script?

Am so desperately sorry for you, it must be excruciating.

Have you got people who can come and be with you?

Bump..... Please find someone to be with now.

Talk to us OP, are you ok?

I am getting quite concerned OP. You have had a horrible shock. Please talk to us.

The reason I am concerned OP is that you said you really want to hurt yourself. This is not your fault. His behaviour has been unspeakably cruel. I really want to kick him where it hurts on your behalf right now. He is a total WORM.

Please take care of yourself and your baby and get support in RL.

I'm ok but not ok if that makes sense. Just been on phone to friend for past hour so feeling bit safer. I need to get into bed and sleep this away. Hopefully I'll sleep and not bloody dream of this. Will message tomorrow and let you know how I'm doing. Have session with psychiatrist then also as I think I may need to go onto dome antideps but so scared of that because of risk to baby. Thanks for all your concern ladies. X

Thanks for posting. xx

He is an utter shit to do this to you. Please be kind to yourself, you can get through this.

Dreamon, only just read your post... Huge hugs and inner strength coming from me to you. My husband did this to me April 2008, went away on business to China and came home, initially blaming me for marriage not working etc etc etc, only for Chinese tart to pop into the equation a few weeks later. I wasnt pregnant, so didnt have hormones to deal with, but I got exactly the same pulse racing feeling when I read of your husband other woman as I did when mine told me about his. I really do feel your pain and I can only hope that you have loads of rl friends and family to help you through this xxx

Im 20 months on now, Ive started the divorce citing his adultery and my children rarely see him and we are so happy. At the time I was at the brink of despair but my precious children kept me sane and your little bundle of joy will keep you beyond happy xxx

Please take good care of yourself and your so very precious blob xxx

I just wanted to let you know that you can and will make it through to the other side
keep strong and keep posting

I'm so glad you're ok. Will look out for you tomorrow. Hope you get some sleep.

please come back and tell us how you are tomorrow x

get some rest, even if you just lie down

How are you today?

Just read this thread and am so sorry. Can only echo what others have said. Take care of yourself and your precious little bean.

I'm feeling so miserable today. Literally slept for 2 hours last night. Had a few really hysterical moments but got through with the support of friends, to top it all off have had the most awful 'morning' sickness tonight. First time I've vomitted since I've been pregnant, that's not to say I've not felt nauseus since 6 weeks! X

I am not surprised you are so miserable.

Just think of that baby hanging on in there (sickness is a "good" pg sign, just feels bloody awful...)

I am glad you have some friends to support you...use them as much as you need to at the moment

look after yourself x

Focus on youself and your baby. You could try to think of the sickness as your little baby getting stronger. Take as much help as you can get from your friends and family - your baby will be so lovely, the light of your life - it will all be worth it.

I apologise if this is ignorant...but why do you need the ADs? The cause of you feeling low is because your DH has behaved appallingly so your depression has an external source iyswim.

Its not ignorant at all, I was on mood stabilisers before we started fertility treatment but I came off them at the start of last year when we started doing the injections etc. I have a history of severe depression from when I was 18-25 so I guess that's why psychiatrist wants me to start. I've got the script but have not filled it yet as I'm so resistant to medication at the moment. I know that if all was ok in my relationship it wouldn't even be a consideration to go on meds so it's due to outside issues as you say.

Dreamon, thinking of you. You are being incredibly strong and brave, keep going. It is absolutely his loss, and I've no doubt he will one day realise that.

I have no doubt in my mind about that either

been thinking of you dreamon, wondering how you've been. I'm really sorry.

Have to race off now, just marking the thread to come back to it later. You have a lot on your plate right now, don't you?

I just can't believe this is happening. I emailed her, I probably shouldn't have but I just wanted her to know he's married and that I'm pregnant. He's so angry that I have done that and has been so mean to me today. Right now I'm done with him, he should be protecting me not her. I'm ready to walk away and take him to the cleaners. I guess I'm in the rage stage right now but I feel suprisingly calm today. It hurts like all hell but I don't want to take it out on me today.