Husband spent night with girl at office do last night

[niceglasses]

Am devastated. Our relationship not perfect - feeling my fault. anyone been through this?

Define 'spent night'.

booked into hotel and then came home at 8 am and lied about it - I found the receipt in his pocket

were you expecting him home?

what has he said to you? how is he behaving?

oh you poor thing. what a dreadful thing to do.

has he admitted it now?

I'm sorry but it is not your fault. Maybe there have been problems between the 2 of you, but that doesn't make it your fault if he cheated on you.
Has he spoken to you about it? If so what did he say?

Message withdrawn

Yes he has admitted it - he has just gone to bed and is staying out of way.

Well yes I was expecting him home - it was just a christmas do he wasn't pre booked into the hotel or anything like that.

We have 3 kids. I surprised by how much I think I have made him do this. Our sex life isn't good and I've been quite depressed for a while.........

Message withdrawn

This is not your fault.

Personally I'd be packing his things. But maybe others have more constructive ideas.

I echo the others. It is not your fault.

Have you got family close who can help? You can't think this kind of thing though when you have your DCs all around you.

Of course it's not your fault. If there are problems in a relationship you talk about it or go to counseling, you don't sleep with someone from the office.

no way would i be letting him now have a lovely long sleep after being up with another woman all night....difficult i know with dc around.....but he's got away with it now,so he thinks.

def not your fault. get him to explain wtf is going on - not just sneak off to bed.....

x posted princess....my thoughts exactly!!!

best case scenario is he was too pissed to get home and shared a room with her

worst case is they were in bed together doing whatever

it's not your fault, he had choices and if he;s chosen to be a twunt, that's his choice

i'd be dragging him out of bed to find out what the hell is going on

niceglasses, are you ok?
what do you want to do?

I know I should go and talk to him but I can't bear to look at him just now

When he admitted it, was he remorseful/apologetic? Some couples do get past things like this (I know from experience I couldn't), so don't assume everything is over at this stage. Take some time to think about what you want and whether you can imagine ever being able to forgive.

But he should be up grovelling at your feet right now, not bloody sleeping.

And a lot of couples have blips over sex when they're knackered and have young DCs, lots of couples have stages where one partner is depressed - they don't all go and shag someone else. You really really have not made him so this - he's cocked up all on his own.

you need time and space to think this through. Get a friend / relative round, while they're on their way, get him up and out of the house with enough stuff to spend another night in a hotel.

Tell him he can come back home to discuss what HE has done after YOU have had a chance to think about it.

Before you start taking responsibility for his actions, decide some basic needs that you have to get you through the next few days and insist that he respects them.

Take some control now and it might just help to define a positive outcome for all of you.

so sorry that you have to deal with this at what should be a family time. Take strength from your kids. xx

I can understand that you don't want to look at him but FGS don't let him sleep all day long! Tell him you don't want to look at him and to get the fuck out of the house.

Why aren't you furious with him??? I am raging on your behalf

i think scruffymomma's suggestions make a whole lot of sense and gives you both a chance to talk it over when you're both ready.

i on the other hand am hot headed and impulsive. i'd be mumsnetting to say DH is in the garden in his pj's getting hypothermia, i never want to speak to him again, does anybody want a nice roadbike?

He did it once before - we were't married but we had been together about 7 years. Same thing, girl from work. Now I'm wondering about times in between.......

We have been married 11 yrs, together almost 19.

niceglasses, dont sit downstairs and wonder what on earth has gone on while he sleeps it off. get him up and out - or take yourself and kids out and way for the night to a friends.

this certainly isnt 'normal' and if my DH done that he certainly wouldnt be sleeping.