Husband spent night with girl at office do last night

[niceglasses]

Am devastated. Our relationship not perfect - feeling my fault. anyone been through this?

You need to ask him to leave in my opinion. If only for a week or so.

So far, I'm getting the impression he feels he is getting off lightly. A nice sleep followed bu a trip to the football. Not much of a wake-up call is it?

I'd be asking him to leave in order to give you space and him time to consider what is happening in your life.

Perhaps the time alone will make him realise what he is missing and what he stands to lose.

But his attitude and track record are awful.

Stay strong niceglasses

Ah yes - I've had this line: "why are you so calm? I thought you'd be throwing things at me.. throwing me out"

But you're not - because you're numb.

When he says "I thought you'd be.." he is trying to control your behaviour, trying to make you throw something at him so then he can be the injured party and then he can say to his frineds/OW that you went ballistic. He can then engender sympathy. Shithead.

FInd out as much as you can without giving anything away. Presume the worst. Act on your own best interests.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

And a leopard doesn't change his spots, especially an old one.

so he didn't have intercourse. the intention was there.

he has done it twice before

that would be enough for me

I know it's hard and you want to make sure you get your facts straight.
I know the feeling of numbness, but it will pass very quickly.
Hopefuly you will soon be angry at how he has treated you and continues to treat you.

You deserve to be treated with respect, honesty, and love.

He is doing none of these things.

IMO Kick him out while you get some breathing space to think - Once you have done this you will soon realise that even with the DC you are better off without him.

I know it is a shit time of year for this to happen, but you need to let him understand that actions have consequences

Play me once, I'm the fool. Play me twice, you're the fool.

He didn't have intercourse.

Yeah, right.

From such a trustworthy individual with a known track record for holding the truth dear to his heart.

Honestly, nice, you're better than this.

expat, do you have that saying the right way round ?

or am I losing my marbles....?

I's not your fault.

Stand back for a moment and ask yourself if "you yourself" would ever do this (given the opportunity).

I can bet on the answer.... No.

Too much integrity, too much Honesty.

But he has cheated; more than once.

He's not a Keeper.

I wouldn't bother going down the mobile phone/ hunting route. You have his admission from his own mouth.

He would have fucked another woman but he was too pissed.

Enough.

Kick him out.

Kick him into touch and find yourselflove with a man that really loves you; or find peace within yourself. I would reccomend the latter

OP, whatever you do DO NOT blame yourself. Just don't. Might I ask WHY you have had to be on Prozac for 3 years? What is your relationship like other than this incident?

I only ask because I stayed with my ex for years after he had been unfaithful and he had found a way to not quite blame me but certainly imply many times that it was actually my own fault and do you what, deep down I believed him. I was depressed, anxious and ended up having a full blown nervous break down. We finally split and I realised that HE and his arsehole ways were what had been causing my depression and lack of interest in sex not vice versa and I suspect this is very often the case in these situations.

My ex told me of a few occasions that he had been unfaithful and these confessions in themself were even designed to place the majority of the blame squarely at my door. When the truth came out (he had been unfaithful to me over fifty times) I finally realised that I couldn't POSSIBLY have been the cause of this kind of horrendous behaviour. I hope this is not the case for you but I don't believe for one second that this is the only time your dh has done this and that nothing went on.

As Custy said once you could feasibly get past but twice, no way.

Niceglasses, do you genuinely feel that you could happily carry on living with this man, looking after his kids, washing his socks and cooking his dinner with the full awareness that sooner or later he will shag another woman again? If you think that his behaviour in other ways compensates for the fact that he is not very monogamous and isn't interested in changing, then think about what rules you do want him to abide by, ie giving you prior warning that he's on the pull/not shagging anyone that you know/not doing it in your house. Though TBH this man sounds as though he regards you as part of the furniture and will probably break any rule you do give him, just because he feels entitled to do so, he basiclaly thinks that he matters much more than you do in the relationship.

ng, are you ok ?

Yes, thanks I'm ok. Last day at work so trying to finish up.

I think I am going to go to a friend in Manchester over the hols for a couple of days - it will be a chance to get my thoughts together.

i think he realises that I haven't made my mind up - I told him that I needed some space to get to the bottom of it all and then I would think.

We have talked a bit, but have much more to do.

Its the booking of the hotel room that gets me - such a clear step over the line from a drunken snog.

I think its a marker things are not good with us. Hey ho (and happy Christmas)

well, good luck

but I really do wish you would find your anger from somewhere...

are you leaving the dc with him ?

please don't tell me that you are all heading off and giving him a nice little "holiday" to just wait it out while you "get over it"