Husband spent night with girl at office do last night

[niceglasses]

Am devastated. Our relationship not perfect - feeling my fault. anyone been through this?

Oh how awful for you, niceglasses. Some very good suggestions here from other people. Jug of cold water and packing his bags would be my approach.
It's afternoon now, how are you? Have you talked to him yet?

i think if you came to the decision to make him leave, then in your shoes, i wouldn't even listen to the explaination - what;s to explain?

"it was an accident i didn't mean it"

oh you fell in her bucketfanny did you?

"oh i love you so much"

clearly not enough

"you can't break up the family"

err you did that you twat

"well i wasn't getting any at home"

so, within a committed relationship, if you don't get your end away with wifey - this is allowed now is it?

see non of it would be productive.

Was he sorry? Why did he do this- was he v drunk/ depressed. He should be on his hands & knees begging for forgiveness!! I would have always said kick him out but my DH kissed a colleague recently. I was shaken to the core. He was so so sorry & I made him beg. Told him to get out etc. Needed him to realise what he had done to us. We are now booked for counselling & I hope it helps as I feel I will never trust him again. I really feel he should be totally repentant instead of enjoying a wee snooze. Kick his ass- how dare he put you through this!!

Incidentally, did you get much sleep last night, presumably you had to get up with your children too? What about you going back to bed for a lie-in, not him?

selfish bastard. You poor lady. Please keep talking here, you must be going through hell

i hope you are ok niceglasses xx

i think no news is good news in this situation.

they must be talking.

how are you?

oh niceglassesd
yo sare round the corner from me
if i can helkp
let e know

itis ny yoyr fault

A spouses actions is their own doing, this is not your fault.

No news is good news?!

Thanks for all the messages.

I think I must be numb or stupid or something.

He says he fell asleep they didn't actually have sex but that he probably would have done if he hadn't passed out.

I'm being very calm and I don't know why. I did spend all day shopping on Sat as I had done no xmas shopping and then got pretty pissed with 2 good friends at night.

I even let him go to a corporate football thing yesterday for most of the day. I must be mad.

The images run through my head - he says she said all sorts of nice things and he was flattered. He swears its nothing more, and he doesn't even like her. Oh God.

they fel asleep??....a classic...i doubt they both closed the door behind them and said 'night',before falling asleep at the same time!! unlikely,but that line is used all the time it seems...

do you believe him?

sorry but he doesn't even like her? what a twat, that's even worse, he would betray you just because she said nice things!

how are you feeling about him?

he is a liar

he will tell you what he thinks he can get away with

and he would have shagged her if he was capable ? Oh, well that's nice for you to know

what does he expect to happen now

happy families ???

He's an arse. So, he didn't sleep with her but feels the need to tell you that he would have done if he hadn't passed out? How incredibly hurtful. He clearly doesn't think that he has to consider your feelings at all. You should be angry. Get very, very angry. He is being cruel, and there is no excuse AT ALL. Christ, I want to kick him in the nuts!

I have met the girl - I went to her engagement party (ha ha) Her intended is a soilder out in Afganistan I think. Nice.

I feel like contacting her and asking her what went on.

I think its more a case of wanting to believe him than actually doing so.

eww, what a pair of fucking skanks

I would be hauling your "d"h off to the clap clinic in the New Year

and I wouldn't be sleeping with him in the meantime

so what next?

I can't believe he comes home, tells you he nearly shagged some one who he doesn't like and then fucks off on a corporate day out rather than facing up to what he has done, twat twat twat!

Sounds to me that he feels he has 'got away with it'. Has he? Can you talk to your real life friends about it? They will know you and something about your situation.

He should be on his knees begging forgiveness. (That doesn't mean I think you should forgive him) The fact that he hasn't indicates that he doesn't give a toss.

For me, the issue isn't whether he did sleep with her or not. It's the fact that he doesn't care that he's hurt you. Why tell you that he hadn't, but would have if he'd been capable? That's just fucking nasty, IMO. He's either a cheating cruel bastard, or a cruel bastard. Either way, I wouldn't contact the girl. This is between you two, and directing anger at her just deflects the absolute fury you should be feeling towards him.

Sorry you are going through this, especially just before Christmas.

I think you know he is lying. It's worse that he doesn't seem that sorry and has done it before. He obviously thinks he can get away with it.

I wish you strength for how you move forward and remember, whatever he says, you have not caused it there is nothing you could have done to make him do behave this way. It's not your fault. Good luck.

To be honest he probably is beginning to think he has got away with it. Its pretty much business as usual round ours - though he is being a bit nicer with cups of tea in bed and stuff.

I think I am numb. I probably need to talk to him more. Hes not a nasty person by nature - he is much more sort of physically demonstrative than me in the relationship.

I just feel so crushed and sad but then I wonder does this go on all the time and people just get on with it?

So you are depressed? And sex isn't good?

Well the sex is currently non-existant in the Turtle household, mainly because I have been ill with one thing or another the last couple of months (mainly migraines, but I also had a very bad cold the last a couple of weeks and knocked me for 6) plus I am being treated for anxiety and stress so am on ADs.

DH,like any kind,loving partner is being supportive and patient - just like your DP should be!

Your DP is a selfish git , and it is NOT your fault that he is a selfish git - the fault is his alone!

So sorry you are having to go through this, you need to have this out with him.

I honestly wouldn't talk to the woman either - she'll probably just lie anyway. She sounds like a nice lady, cheating on her soldier fiancee with with a man with a partner and kids - what a nasty piece of work she is.