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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dh having affair

168 replies

husbandhavingaffair · 21/06/2005 22:03

Just found out dh having affair with my best friend.

Says she makes him feel loved.

we have two babies 15 months and 2.5

been married 14 years.

she is part of the babies life day in day out, even calls herself the nanny

What do i do?

OP posts:
rickman · 21/06/2005 22:59

Message withdrawn

handlemecarefully · 21/06/2005 22:59

Oh don't lecture Rickman!

Puff · 21/06/2005 23:01

I'm positive this isn't a wind up and I'm very sorry hhaa that this is happening .

rickman · 21/06/2005 23:01

Message withdrawn

handlemecarefully · 21/06/2005 23:02

Do you know how long this has been going on hha?

handlemecarefully · 21/06/2005 23:03

Feeling a bit testy tonight are we Rickman?

rickman · 21/06/2005 23:03

Message withdrawn

handlemecarefully · 21/06/2005 23:08

Fair enough, but as a hard bitten cynic I think it's always worth keeping at the back of your mind. Anyway, if hha is genuine as most people believe, I guess it won't help to have a tangential debate about whether her problem is real or not, so I'll shut up!

Fio2 · 21/06/2005 23:12

i feel sorry for mumsnet if we accuse all name changers of being trolls

Jimjams · 22/06/2005 09:31

why on earth would this be a joke- it happens all the time.

How are you today HHA?

TracyK · 22/06/2005 09:37

I can't believe that you were out shopping with this woman and she texted that to your h!! She must be a hard faced cow. I would be doing a bit more action on the 'sorting out' front!

rickman · 22/06/2005 10:08

Message withdrawn

batters · 22/06/2005 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

invisiblegirl · 22/06/2005 10:18

a dad at the my ds's school has split up with his wife after starting a relationship with her best friend. His wife sat night after night when her friend's marriage broke up and helped her financially and emotionally and practically. The affair was fairly glaring to a few of us at school and feel so sad for the wife. Friend and dad are now living together in the marital home with her 3 children

It transpired that this isnt the first time he did this to his wife with her best friend.

It also happened to another friend of mine - her dh and her best friend from school started an affair and blatently lied about it which screwed my friend up a bit as she thought she was going mad. They arent quite living together but cant see it being long.

invisiblegirl · 22/06/2005 10:19

i agree you have to decide who is more important to you, friend or dh (personally I think friend is unforgivable)

feelingold · 22/06/2005 11:24

husbandhhavingaffair - do not even contemplate forgiving this 'friend'. She is in no way your friend if she is prepared to put you through all of this pain.

I know what I am talking about cos my ex-h had an affair with my 'best friend' who I worked with and we socialised with (along with her dh). I felt more betrayed by her than my husband to be honest and it all takes a long time to get over. We had been married for 13 years when it happened and I too thought we were happy and that it would never happen to us, but you never can tell.

You must speak to him and take no excuses from him (even if it means him taking time off work), this must be sorted and now.
Sorry this has happened to you and send you lots of hugs.

Original poster
husbandhavingaffair · 22/06/2005 13:41

this is not a wind up. had to change name because some may be able to work out who we are and i know you will know what i do as a job as i have mentioned it before.

thing is we loose everything, if marriage goes then so does the job, the house, the car, church. Everything.

We will have to tell dd 12yr tonight in case she hears it somewhere else, second eldest is away with school. So he may not be here when she gets home.

OP posts:
Original poster
husbandhavingaffair · 22/06/2005 13:42

feelinggood how long ago did this happen in your marriage

OP posts:
batters · 22/06/2005 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fio2 · 22/06/2005 14:08

have you talked things through with him? what are you going to do?

Jimjams · 22/06/2005 15:08

ohhh hhh what a fool your husband is, and what a treachorous snake your friend. I hope it can be sorted, it sounds like you both have a lot to lose. xxx

Mammybadgirl · 22/06/2005 15:41

It's true that your friend has betrayed you. But unlike your husband, she has never made a vow of faithfulness to you. Why does everyone always blame the 'other woman'?

Lizzylou · 22/06/2005 15:45

Yes, but as someone's best friend one would expect some loyalty!! They are both disloyal snakes IMO!

handlemecarefully · 22/06/2005 16:05

Is your friend off the scene now - i.e. not at your house today. Presumably she has been banished.

Is your husband any clearer about things? Signs of remorse?

Jimjams · 22/06/2005 16:52

also because whilst her husband is a treachourous snake it sounds as if hhh may want to make a go of it, in which case she will have to forgive him. Not her friend though.

I do agree he deserves to have his kackers cut off though.

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