Oh Mamazon, like you I had a horrendous abusive first marriage, I had one DS and was pregnant with DS2 when he put me over a bannister, DS2 was premature and died at 36 hours. I finally left him a year later.
I spent 7 years on my own when I met Hx2, I thought he was everything, was so considorate, took on Ds with no qualms.
3 years later after a series of miscarriages I finally had DD after IVF. She only survived 2 days. H disapeared the next day, with our 16 year old babysitter, who he had been seeing for months. She was pregnant. She wasn't the first so I found out.
So again I found myself alone, and said I would never get involved with another man.
I didnt for a long time, but eventually 6 years, I met a guy, that became a great freind, if I needed anything he was always there for me.
It wasnt love at first sight, it was very slow, and even after a year when we did get together, it almost didnt work, as I couldnt have anymore children (in fact ws a grandmother by then) and he so wanted them.
We broke up for 4 months, when he turned up on my doorstep on night, in quite a state.
For him I was more importtant than having a child of his own.
I was very wary, but he set out to prove it, by just being a fantastic partner.
We have been married 10 years next month.
There are some good guys out there, dont give up, but give yourself time.