Urgent advice please - my date has booked us into one room!

[sparkybint]

Had a wonderful first date with new man last Saturday, couldn't have been better. Am seeing him tomorrow night - he said he'd book a hotel because we live a bit of a way from eachother and assured me separate rooms of course - I felt comfortable with this and agreed.

Now I've just had a text saying he's booked just the one room and told me how much it cost! (a lot). He said "do you trust me enough to share, if not it's no problem for me to book another one". I have an awful sinking feeling, was really looking forward to seeing him but now? What do I do? I'm certainly not agreeing to the one room and I don't even know if I want to meet him at all now. Should I tell him how disappointed I am?

Yes.

Next question.

yes, deffo tell him you are uncomfortable with this.

surely there is other cheaper hotels.

Sounds like a setup to me - if you can't afford that hotel, tell him so - let him find a cheaper one. And don't drink so you can drive/run away fast if necessary

say 'yes, please, book another room.'

it's a bummer i must admit.

He thinks you should trust him after one date?

Err - well, obviously communicate - but wouldn't twin beds go 75% of the way to solving the problem? Assuming he can be 'trusted' - but if he can't be trusted you should get rid of him in any case.

Remember - men can be very pragmatic where women might view everything in terms of 'hidden meanings'.

I have some sympathy with preferring a nicer hotel shared spacious room, versus two grotty rooms in a flea-pit.

Set up.

He assured you of separate rooms. For a second date?? Mandatory.

Demand the second room.

that's not great is it - particularly as his question is "do you trust me?" - so puts you in an invidious position, you say no it's not all right = you don't trust him.

if you say yes, you do trust him - but you give out the sign that you're prepared to share a room with him when you hardly know him, and he may well think this means he's in with a chance of getting mor from you. and if he doesn't try anything, do you really want to share the rather intimate space of a hotel room and bathroom with a man you have met once? you wouldn't want to share with a male colleague would you?

if you are keen to see him, perhaps text back saying "not a matter of whether I trust you, but we don't know each other that well yet and I would not be comfortable with sharing a room. can we find two rooms in a less expensive hotel?"

Agree, at best thoughtless, otherwise manipulative and a bleedin' liberty.

Even if you trust him (and yes, he is being disingenuous at best), sharing a room is very intimate, isn't it? I mean, snoring, seeing you put make-up on, in your pjs etc etc.

It's gotta be a no.

He wants a shag. if you do too the fine. If not then insist on seperate rooms.

Hmm, er, no... way too forward.. not at all appropriate.

Either find a cheaper hotel, or cancel it all together. Sounds too full on, too fast.

honestly it's tacky to tell how much the room cost and to put you in that position of having to show whether you trust him or not - you've only been on one date! He should have chosen a cheaper hotel and booked tow rooms like he said he would. I'd tell him book another room if you still feel like going that is...

Thanks ladies, I def don't want a shag and the idea of doing all the intimate stuff (teeth brushing etc) with a man I hardly now does not appeal.

I've texted him and said exactly what Wheels suggested and that he call me so we can talk about it - I hate this sort of thing over text. I was SO looking forward to a romantic dinner, maybe coffee and liquers in one of our rooms and then a definite goodnight.

Alarm bells would be ringing. Very disingenious and disrespectful.

I'd suddenly find I had a prior engagement and couldn't go.

Set up.

Are you supposed to be grateful that the room is so expensive, maybe like you 'might' owe him something?

let us know how you get on - good luck! he may have just misjudged things but be on your guard for him making you feel bad about the ££ and giving in for example.

if you do go, with separate rooms, dinner and coffee as you planned I would suggest you go to his room for drinks (making it clear that you will not be staying there) because then you can take the iniative to leave rather than have to ask him to go when you think that the evening should end.

Telling you how much it cost is just awful and to me puts you in the position he hopes - where you can't say no.

I would finish it now tbh. Plenty more men out there.

If he has booked a hotel near you as he lives so far away, why don't you stay at home and leave him in the hotel - if you want to carry on seeing him after his trick?

He's just texted me to say sorry, he "totally understands about the room thing". But I think it's crap the way he told me how much it cost - he was the one who suggested it in the first place!

I think I'll speak to him anyway, easier to sort this over the phone than by text. Will report back later...

Just remember how he made you feel.

Do you want to see him again?

Well the only thing he can do is say he feels bad unless he kept was a real d*ck and kept insisting... I think I'd get rid of him, too many alarm bells going off already... plenty more fish in the sea...

Please ring the hotel before you leave (if you go at all) and make absolutely damn sure there are two rooms. When you arrive wherever it is, go straight to the hotel and collect YOUR room key checking that there are indeed two. If not, go home again.

I wouldn't be going. I say this with the benefit of hindsight and old age, because of course, if I were still young and single I wouldn't be taking any of those precautions and I have landed myself in big trouble.

can't you just book your own hotel in the same town? Then you aren't relying on him for anything.