Urgent advice please - my date has booked us into one room!

[sparkybint]

Had a wonderful first date with new man last Saturday, couldn't have been better. Am seeing him tomorrow night - he said he'd book a hotel because we live a bit of a way from eachother and assured me separate rooms of course - I felt comfortable with this and agreed.

Now I've just had a text saying he's booked just the one room and told me how much it cost! (a lot). He said "do you trust me enough to share, if not it's no problem for me to book another one". I have an awful sinking feeling, was really looking forward to seeing him but now? What do I do? I'm certainly not agreeing to the one room and I don't even know if I want to meet him at all now. Should I tell him how disappointed I am?

Hi PP - that's a real minefield, the sex thing. And no, we've talked about it in a general way and it would be different, he would have to use drugs etc. I'm very attracted to him, he's extremely handsome and his upper body is to die for (he was in the paralympics). It doesn't matter to me that he's paralyzed from the waist down.

I've just had another text "sorry for being a totally insensitive prat and for working it out with me". He's def not skint, I think he was astonished at the price of the room (£140 without breakfast)and that was why he told me how much it cost. But that's not my problem, he was the one who suggested it in the first place and I did say to go somewhere cheaper if it was too posh. Feel more positive now at any rate and sort of in control of the situation.

why don't you pay for your own room? i wouldn't be happy with someone paying for my accommodation at this stage.

My last bf expected me to pay for absolutely everything - he was crap with money and if we went anywhere, I paid. Same with my ex-H before him. And my dad was tight too.

So for me it's bliss for someone to wine and dine me and pay for my room. Maybe my past experience with men and money hasn't made me terribly perceptive but it makes such a change for me and I'm fed up with being the independentally financial woman. Good point though Warthog (and others who've suggested it). I'm going to insist I pay for dinner though!

fair enough. enjoy!

Well, good luck, but do be careful. Being a wheelchair user doesn't stop someone being a bad person - and don't be too sure that his lack of mobility makes him 'safe' - many wheelchair users have a lot of upper body strength.
(This is not, of course, to say that this man is an agressive abusive arsehole, or that Sparky is in serious danger, but given the rather manipulative behaviour earlier, it's as well not to be too complacent).

Sparky hope you have a nice time now that you have sorted out the sleeping arrangements.

He does seem to be going over the top early. He arranged the whole hogg last week before you had even met. I do think nearly £300 for accomodation only for a second date is going over the top. Suppose if he is wealthy then perhaps it's all relevant.

Just be careful but enjoy.

I would much rather be financially self sufficient when dating. Otherwise I do feel it can lead to misunderstandings, or a feeling of 'owing' if you know what I mean [doesn't necessarily mean sex] Paying for dinner sounds like a very good idea. Hope it goes ok.

I think he sounds okay BUT I would not let a man pay for my room on a 2nd date. I think I'd feel beholden in some way - just doesn't feel right. If you are travelling there on your own, then why not sort out and pay for your own room? Too late now, but as amatter of pincipal.

When DH and I met for the first time we spent the whole day together up to about 10pm. we had spoken on the phone a few times. He paid for lunch and the cinema tickets but I insisted he let me pay for dinner - I didn't want to feel I owed him anything though he had not done anything at all to pressure me - though the old fashioned girl in me was miffed he let me. Poor lad couldn't win.

Good luck today Sparky. Let us know how you get on!

Just reporting back! We had a wonderful time - he was the perfect gentleman. Champagne in the fridge when I arrived, dinner (which I paid for), lots of lovely cuddling and kissing in his room afterwards and then I went back to my room to sleep.
Lovely in the morning too and he had the next date sorted with me before we parted.

I feel quite in control, am not going to be pressured into doing anything I don't want to do and hopefully he'll like me enough to respect that. If he doesn't, I'll move on (as I have before). We talked about his accident and how his life has changed and his positivity just shines through. People were no doubt looking at us but I felt proud to be by his side. And it felt wonderful to be in his lovely strong arms.

Aw lovely to hear it went so well

• lovely!

Sounds lovely!
Glad you had a great time.

Oh good, glad to hear it.

thanks ladies!

So pleased. You must let us know how you get on next week!

sparky i'm so pleased to hear,nice to see a big smile on your face
keep me updated

thanks asbm, I hope things in the relationship garden are still rosy
for you

thanks sparky
they so are!

Awww I was reading but didn't post before and I'm glad you had a lovely time. Hope it continues

sounds lovely sparky. Glad it went well.

good news!