politeness - is there a time and a place? (sorry if tmi)

[toopolite]

Got a new fella in my life, we've been to bed, something's bothering me...

When (ahem), I'm doing things to him and at the moment of big pleasure (if you get my drift) he utters such words as: 'oh gosh, golly gosh, oh flip' and at the high point, I got an: "oh sugar".

I find this a terrible turn off, it's like being in bed with Billy Bunter, what would you do?

Also, I've noticed that he talks about his mother in almost every sentence... should alarm bells be ringing?

Got to dash to work now but will check in later, please offer me some advice, I've been out of the dating game for ages and may be a bit rusty, but is this normal for a grown man?

p.s. regular mn here, just name changed (hope it works, cringe)

OMG - are you shagging Hugh Grant??!!

I can't stop checking into this!

Well, it was ok, I think it could have been better, but then we are a new couple.

The politeness was reall off putting for me and I had to stop him saying that stuff (by kissing him) as it was ruining what should be an intimate moment into an Enid Blyton (TM OmIrian) caper.

I've had a silent type, very unsettling...

Now I've got a PG Wodehouse character.

How can I phrase it to him to perhaps use some different language to me?

Own up.

This is he

Roger - what mekes you say that? please don't out me, thank you

Actually, Roger, it's a bit off to post that. If you do know who I am, why make me feel uncomfortable now?

"How can I phrase it to him to perhaps use some different language to me?".

Lead by example ? Be rude and see what he does. If he's rude back, then tell him you love it when he talks dirty.

Sorry - posted without thinking . It's CrackWhore btw

"Um, also, he is into painting games workshop models"

Not neccessarily a bad thing, I can remember my dad used to paint Airfix kits, the historical figures (think Henry VIII and his wives) rather than warplanes/tanks. I think it gave him a creative outlet he didn't have in his job, whilst still being considered a blokey thing to be interested in. Games Workshop looks to me to be just an updating of that.

Great - why not just out me and be done with it?

Might have to get this thread deleted as I'm worried you'll forward it to the man concerned.

Thanks.

This is why I posted here, I daren't tell RL people as it's too personal.

Please don't land me in it.

Have the thread deleted if you're worried. I meant as in your more regular MN name, not any RL name, because you'd talked about the GW stuff before. Sorry if I've caused you pain.

Don't panic.

I tried to talk to my silent (freakazoid) shagger as it was making me uncomfortable. (The sex was DREADFUL as well though)

Rather than focusing on what I didn't like, I talked about the stuff I do like. Maybe this could work for you (although it didn't work for me and when I found myself rolling my eyes during sex, I pretty much knew we'd come to the end of the line)

Phew - nope, this is my first posting about the man in question. I;m a MN regular though.

I've not posted about him before.

RIght, moving on - I think I'm going to try the line of coaxing him to say somehting a little less jolly hockysticks and tell him 'ooohhh, I love it when you talk dirty to me'
see what happens and if the 'crikey' makes too many appearances, then will have to review the situation.

Now that I've stopped cackling at the thought of someone saying 'gosh' at the moment of orgasm, I agree that a conversation probably needs to take place. If he's a nice man as you say, he no doubt wants to please you; maybe you could ask him if your filthy talk is offputting to him, as a way of opening up the dialogue? Then you could segue neatly into the fact that you find all the Enid Blyton stuff a real turn-off, and that while you don't expect him to start spouting Anglo-Saxonisms if that's not his style, some non-vocal appreciation would be more cheering.

Am totally with you btw, although I am a pottymouth in bed and out as well so perhaps not that surprising. I can't help thinking of that Sex And The City episode where Samantha shags the guy who keeps crooning 'would Mrs Fluffy like a visit from Mr Willy-woo?' or whatever. Bleurgh.

I don't mean to be funny but he sounds exactly like one of my ex's. He would say the same things and had no concept of talking 'dirty'. He was very polite and also talked about his Mother constantly. I think that he is now married but OP please tell me your DP's name doesn't begin with an M??

Why are women never satisfied, would you prefer that he was a filthy mouthed serial shagger with no respect for women?

It's obviously the most natural thing in the world for him - you don't have to have a filthy mouth to have great sex. If that's the way he talks in everyday life, then why is it wrong for him to talk like that in the bedroom?
Does he like to be dominated in bed?

Yes it's a tad unusual but I would prefer a man like that over one who can't string a coherent sentence together without expletives.
All that said, it's his relationhip with his mother that would be the main factor I would think, if it's bordering on the obsessive then I would run away, fast.

Does his mother run a motel?

Well I think it's jolly pleasing that somebody's got some manners. He sounds like a fine and upstanding young man I think you should encourage him.

Instead of your filth, perhaps try an 'I shall be coming in a jiffy what ho'. The ho bit will satisfy your need to voice obscenities whilst managing to refrain in actuality.

Best of British to you.

I can see why you're put off by it if you're not used to that kind of language in the bedroom, but I personally think it sounds sweet.
It really does sound like he's exclaiming in the most profound language he dare utter.

but if you're bothered, ask him to do the grunt or "oh!"

Brokenflipflop - nope, his name doesn't begin with an M! Are there a lot of these men around?

Malifience - I don't think I've said anywhere I'm looking for a 'filthy mouthed serial shagger with no respect for women?' these are your words and your interpretation.
I'm wishing he could express himself in words other than 1930's child-speak, or best-behaviour mode. Outside the bedroom, he says gosh and sugar, but not in quick rapidity, in bed he says nothing but, over and over.

Mal - also, seeing as you ask, yes, he does like to be dominated. Whaddya make of that!

Ghostwriter - hats off to you!

Nicklebabe - this is the question, do I want a sweet, polite man in the sack? NO! I want a fiend who will tell me exactly what he's going to do to me, in no undertain terms and then beat his chest and holler as he reaches the peaks of passion!!!

Cyteen - that's a good way of doing it as I can orchestrate a swear word outside of the bedroom and then say: "oops, sorry, do you mind me swearing?" and when he answers, I could say to him that I find it a bit exciting... in certain situations (i.e. when we're getting down and dirty). Then gauage his reaction. And take it from there. Or not...