politeness - is there a time and a place? (sorry if tmi)

[toopolite]

Got a new fella in my life, we've been to bed, something's bothering me...

When (ahem), I'm doing things to him and at the moment of big pleasure (if you get my drift) he utters such words as: 'oh gosh, golly gosh, oh flip' and at the high point, I got an: "oh sugar".

I find this a terrible turn off, it's like being in bed with Billy Bunter, what would you do?

Also, I've noticed that he talks about his mother in almost every sentence... should alarm bells be ringing?

Got to dash to work now but will check in later, please offer me some advice, I've been out of the dating game for ages and may be a bit rusty, but is this normal for a grown man?

p.s. regular mn here, just name changed (hope it works, cringe)

[toopolite]

Oh god! OmIrian - maybe he was calling it a 'lady' one to add extra politeness! I don't want to be a lady in the bedroom!

[clumsymum]

I think it's really sad that everyone here is making fun of a guy because he doesn't swear.

I agree that the golly goshing is pretty unusual, but franky, I think I'd prefer a guy who does that, rather than a bloke who uses the f word in every sentence.

[Malificence]

Buy him a ball gag if the sex is good? Then all he can do is moan.

I have to admit my husband doesn't swear in front of me, ohter than calling me a kinky bitch,he thinks it's the height of disrespect to swear in front of women.
He's never told me that he wants to "fuck me hard" or similar but manages to get his intentions across without sounding like a choir boy! If he said "lady foof" I'd have to kill him though.

[toopolite]

Fair point Clumsy - I know him though and seriously, it's worrying me.

Like Om said - surely a grunt or a moan is preferable to 'golly gosh, crikey' this is schoolboy speak and I want man speak.

This soesn't have to mean F words and C words, just not awkward, gauche, restrained speak when it's a time of intimacy. What would you suggest I do as I really like him but just don't think we're compatible?

[thedolly]

This has got to be a wind up.

[toopolite]

Even an 'oohh that's good' is preferable to a 'oh gosh', not even 'oh god' still politeness with a 'gosh'.

[toopolite]

thedolly - I wish it was, sadly, it's my real life!

[CutTheCrap]

You could play 'Posh Boy Orgasm Bingo'

Write: Lummy, Golly, Gosh, Yikes, Whizzer, DidgeryDoo, Winky and SpankySpanky on a card and off you go.

Or ask him to proclaim in German.

[OrmIrian]

It isn't the absence of swearing that is the problem surely? It's the presence of Enid Blyton type phraseology in the bedroom.

[CrackWhoretoPaulDacre]

[clumsymum]

" just not awkward, gauche, restrained speak when it's a time of intimacy."

Maybe it isn't awkward, gauche or restrained to him tho'. It's just not phrasing you are used to using. If he was italian, would you object to him using italian words to express his pleasure?

Look, I don't understand how it is that you can get naked/intimate with him, but not talk to him about this?

[toopolite]

LOL at Cut the Crap!

OmIrian - spot on with the Enid Blyton analagy, there's a time and a place and, frankly, that belongs in the days of midnight feasts and when ginger beer was the best option you had.

Oh god, what am I going to do?

[Malificence]

He may be very uncomfortable with your way of getting your desires across to him but is putting up with it because he really likes you?
They are only words after all, if he's a nice person and a good lover, does it really matter?

[whoisasking]

Is the sex good though? Despite the rather juvenile language?

I've just removed myself from a relationship in which the man was utterly and completely silent in the bedroom. It was seriously creepy, and in the end I think it really reflected the person he is (he stopped all contact with me the day I lost a beloved relative) Strange cold fish.

Oh, and lady foof?

[Mamazon]

Oh golly gosh??

have you been to his house yet? have you checked teh spare rooms for dead bodies?

[IWantAChickAndADuck]

this is surley a wind up - you knew before that he constantly talked about his mother, he was hardley going to turn out to be Russell Brand in the bedroom?!

[IWantAChickAndADuck]

mamazon - more likely to be cuddly toys

[thetattooedmagpie]

Man alive ! That would be such a turn off. I like my men rude and filthy. ' Golly Gosh ' - is he living in the thirties or something ?

By the way, I went out with a bloke who said nothing. At all. Not even a small dying animal noise. Now that was off putting. (Having said that, he went mental during a blow job ! )

[squeaver]

Mummy's at home.

In the wardrobe.

Stuffed.

[toopolite]

Well, Clumsy, it kind of took me by surpise and I didn't want to spoil the moment and also, I thought that maybe he was shy or nervous and I don't want to make that an issue.

I know that everyone's different and this may be fine in your book, but speaking like a boy in a man's situation is a bit uncomfortable for me.

It makes me think he can't let go and express himself, so therefore I can't please him.

If I mention it to him, he may feel like he's got to speak all dirty, which I would love, but he may not feel comfortable doing it as it simply doesn't come naturally to him. Not even an 'oh god', no, it's a 'gosh'. ALl nice and polite and neat and tidy and as if it's not real, no grunting, moaning, or suchlike. Just controlled restraint. I say controlled because, I just can't believe that a grown man thinks in terms of gosh, lorks and lummy.

[squeaver]

I have to ask, do you you think your his "first"?

[toopolite]

Just got to do some work (not through choice!) - will be back to check in asap...

[CutTheCrap]

Have you met his mother?

[toopolite]

Just quickly - nope, I haven't met his mother, I really don't want to!

Squeaver - he had a long-term relationship of about 10 years, they broke up and - maybe crucially - he moved back home to his mother. Then he bought a house and moved out. He sees her about once a week, she calls him about every other day though.

Um, also, he is into painting games workshop models, when I went back to his house, he has hundreds of them in a cabinet. No cuddly toys though.

Apart from his mother-obsession and the jolly-polite-shagging, he's a nice man.

[thetattooedmagpie]

Opps - cross posted with Whoisasking. Yes, the silent ones are seriously unsettling......

But was the sex good enough to put up with this ?