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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

Relationships

My husband has left me

169 replies

sykes · 20/05/2003 12:01

Was going to change my name but can't be bothered. In brief, my h has been having an affair for about six months - altho only really "known" the person for two weeks. After two attempts to leave and begging to come back he's now gone and is living with her (she's 26, already married) in a flat. He's 37, married and we have two small daughters - 18 months and 3.5 years. As stupid as I sound I'm trying to believe it's a mid-life crisis and it can be resolved. we've both made mistakes in the past but have had masses of pressure. Or is he just an idiot who thinks he's in love. He's justifying his actions by saying our relationship would never have worked - not true in my eyes and after 13 years don't you expect rough patches? I think I'm hanging on to something that may no longer be there and he's obviously left. But my daughters and I deserve more than a pathetic attempt at repairing our family life. We were such a great couple once. Any advice? HAve managed to drag myself back to work after eight days since he left.

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ForestFly · 29/05/2003 16:37

Hi everyone, how are you feeling today Sykes. Is it an angry day or a tearful one. I want him back so much too. Cannot imagine a day when i wont love him, Dont want to stop loving him, isn't that ridiculous! I keep thinking hell come home but its total denial really. Feel like i will never be able to cope with him getting a new partner. He still feels mine! Thers just so much hurt, he has rewritten history. Now it will just be a fact that daddy left when they were two and four. We were better than that, we were close,loving, affectionate and laughed a lot. Better than a lot of couples i know. Now i just have to learn to not love him but it is such a waste of some fantastic times. Still find him very attractive, fancy him, which is going to be hard when i see him. God when does this end!!!!

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sykes · 29/05/2003 17:01

Haven't a clue. Just found out that may be made redundant which really would be the icing on the cake.

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M2T · 29/05/2003 17:27

Hi Everyone - just keep telling yourselves that it WILL get better.

He'll stop feeling like he's 'yours' and just start to feel like your ex. It is a bereavement and you have to mourn the relationship.

You're all doing well and you'll get your rewards soon when you realise that you are starting to feel much more in control and less devastated.

Good luck and hang in there coz it'll happen.

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ForestFly · 29/05/2003 18:05

Thanks M2T, sorry about your job Sykes just what you need! Two good things have happened this afternoon My Father has given me his car!!!! Need to learn to drive though! The other one is one of my very good friends( i used to go out with him) is traveling the world and has decided to cut it short and come home a week on sunday. He is very loving and sweet, calls me his beautifull angel!I've know intention of letting anything happen, but he will massage my bruised ego and spoil me
People can be so kind at times like these, writing my feelings down on here is helping too. Just hope i'm not boring everyone to death!

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Batters · 30/05/2003 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doormat · 02/06/2003 13:26

sykes how are you going? and to anyone else I hope you are all o.k

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M2T · 02/06/2003 13:29

Ditto Doormat.

How is everyone? Did you manage to have a nice weekend?? Hope so....

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ForestFly · 02/06/2003 20:48

Hello Sykes or anyone else going through a Broken Teapot moment, reading a lot of good books that are actually helping. Hope to hear from some of you soon. Feeling very positive and strong!

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M2T · 02/06/2003 21:08

Glad to hear it FF! Long may it continue.

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mammya · 02/06/2003 21:21

ForestFly, I'm very glad to hear that you're feeling more positive. I've been thinking about you, wondering how you were doing...

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ForestFly · 02/06/2003 21:22

Didn't realise people had noticed!

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doormat · 05/06/2003 16:18

sykes, forestfly and anyone else out there in a similar position i hope you are all o.k
big hugs to you all

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aloha · 05/06/2003 17:09

Bumblelion - so glad your life is going so well. How is your dd?

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ForestFly · 05/06/2003 22:36

Where is doormat, Sykes, AND ANYONE ELSE THAT WAS UPSET

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hopey · 05/06/2003 23:19

Thought I'd just let you know how things are shaping up for me. Ex-dp is still with new girlie, but now I couldn't care less. Have had so much going on in my life, especially with my new found social life, that I rarely have time to sit down. In fact, ex-dp seems very keen to know my business, especially since I have made good friends with a male member of the species (nothing untoward, but such a nice guy). Feel I'm really moving on now. Still have down days, but getting less and less. I know I will get through this, and as for ex-dp, I know life for him is less than rosy, and how my heart bleeds...NOT!!

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breeze · 06/06/2003 08:13

Great to hear it hopey, i am sure a lot of people have taken something out of your story. Keep smiling

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sykes · 07/06/2003 21:33

How lovely that people noticed absences. Back from a week in Sardinia. Dds really enjoyed it, although elder dd rather withdrawn and won't talk about daddy - keep telling her he really loves her and will see her v soon. I missed having him around - everyone else seemed to be en famille - ie mum, dad and kids. My nanny was wonderful and I got a tan. Feel a bit stronger and am closer to accepting it's over, which is good??? Just v worried about dds - it's SO unfair on them. Have I really been with a self-centred, selfish pig for 13 years?

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doormat · 08/06/2003 09:04

Sykes so glad to hear that you are feeling better and stronger. LOL to you and your dd's.

P.S Yes you probably have.Keep in touch.

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sykes · 09/06/2003 10:57

How's everyone else doing? V bad day - loads of work and saw h yesterday which really upset me. He can't look me in the eye, of course. Dds SO excited to see him.

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