Sykes (and all the others out there in the same situation), can I just say what a strong independent woman you are and things will get better - and I know because I have been there.
I had an affair, reconciled wit husband, fell pregnant with 3rd child (all definitely my husbands) and then when 3rd child was 11 weeks old (New Years Eve 2001/2002) he decided to leave me. Changed his mind and then re-changed it again and finally left me 13th February last year. I went through such a hard time - he is now living with his girlfriend from work - and it absolutely tore me up knowing he was having a good, loving relationship with someone who wasn't me and I was living the "sad lonely life" he told me that I would be living.
I had 3 young children (they were 9, 4 and less than 1 year at the time) and I had to work an extra day to pay the mortgage, went through a really, really bad time - spent all my time crying, wanting him back, knowing he did not want me - very hard thing to deal with. As he told me - the hardest thing for me was dealing with the "rejection" - lovely choice of word I thought. It is horrible knowing how vulnerable I felt knowing I would have had him back at a moment's notice and he didn't want me. Made me feel that no-one would want me - after all, who would - it was me that had the affair in the first place - doesn't make me a very nice person - but I had my own reasons (although they sound very shallow now) for having the affair in the first place.
He left my house in September (7 months after splitting from me and living separate lives in the same house) and moved in with a friend of his girlfriend. Before Christmas he then moved in with his girlfriend BUT I HAVE MOVED ON SO MUCH SINCE THEN.
He has the children at my house on a Wednesday night doing the normal nightly routine (dinner, bath, homwork, bed, etc.) while I go out and has them overnight one night at the weekend - normally a Friday.
When he has the children over night he obviously has them at Tracie's house but she will NEVER replace me. I hope that my children do have a good relationship with her as she makes my husband very happy and I wouldn't want them spending time with them both if she was not nice to them (but, why wouldn't she be, she knew he had 3 children when he moved in with her - actually she knew me rather well being a work colleague of husbands and we have all been out on night's out in the past). The hardest thing for me was not that he had left me for someone else - it was this person he had left me for - someone I knew, who held my new born baby daughter, who only 8 weeks after holding my new born baby daughter disappeared with my husband at his firm's Christmas do.
Saying all this ... I am now finally happy. I have moved on, can be happy for husband in his new life, my kids are happy living with me, seeing their dad regularly - me and their dad get on so much better now that I feel so much better for myself.
Have started seeing a guy who I worked with 12 years ago - long story but bumped into him on our birthday weekend last year - our birthdays are 1 day apart - both coming up in just over a week's time. We had just a good friendship to start with - the one thing I have found with this new guy is the comfortableness I have with him (and he has with me) and we are so totally honest with each other.
Went out for a once-a-week drink with him for about 6 months, just as a friend, but he became a "good" friend - you know the type of person who you haven't known that long but feel so close to. You can have friends that you have known years, but they are not true friends - other people you can know a short time and already you know they are good true friends.
I lost my mobile phone in February and only had his number stored in it. On a Tuesday night after not seeing him for about 6 weeks I bumped into him in my local petrol station after picking my daughter up from Brownies. I had missed his friendship so much while my phone was lost and I was so pleased to bump into him.
We went out for a few drinks but I felt our "friendship" had developed into something more but wouldn't let myself think about it too much. He then told me how he felt about me and I couldn't believe that he felt for me what I felt for him (but hadn't told him).
Since then, we have been having more of a relationship, rather than a friendship, and it feels so good.
He knows all my past (some people may say this is not a good thing) but our relationship is based on friendship and, after my affair, I feel I would rather be totally honest, communicative, have no secrets because then there is nothing he doesn't know.
He knows my husband (remembers him from when we used to go out on a Friday night pre-wedded) and actually gets on well with him.
I can't believe it sometimes when I look at him - I can't believe I have found someone who makes me feel so secure, so loved, so wanted, such a good person - actually he makes me want to be a better person if you know what I mean. He makes me laugh, we have serious conversations, light hearted conversations, it is all just so good - you wait - I will be writing soon saying it has all gone pear shaped (fingers crossed, it won't - I can't see it will).
WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER STOP LOVING MY HUSBAND, WANTING HIM BACK, NOT BEING ABLE TO LET GO BUT NOW I HAVE AND IT FEELS SO MUCH BETTER.
WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WOULD I HAVE HAD WITH MY HUSBAND - I KNOW I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE FOR THE WRONG REASONS - THE PERSON I AM WITH HAS TO WANT TO BE WITH ME AS MUCH AS I WANT TO BE WITH THEM - NOT BECAUSE THEY FEEL GUILTY ABOUT LEAVING, GUILTY ABOUT THE CHILDREN.
My children are so happy - seeing their mum and dad both happy (although sadly not together). I know my eldest DD1 (grown up aged 10) would rather have her mum and dad together and be happy but I am quite honest with her and if me and husband were together we would not be happy. Isn't it better for all the family that everyone is happy even if that means that daddy is not living with us.
DS (aged 6) is just so laid back - very secure in his position in life.
DD2 (aged 19 months) - few problems - another story, long one!!! - is too young to know any different.
I used to get upset at the thought of my DD2 not growing up in a loving family but, actually, she will be growing up in a loving family - it is just that it is not together.
Sorry I have waffled, but I have been through really sh*t times - but believe me, they do get better. They really do. I never, ever thought I would be writing this - I am living proof that you can get through it.
If any thing, I think I have come out a stronger person. It is not something I would want to go through again but I think if it doesn't kill you it does make you stronger. It has certainly made me stronger.