Leaving an abusive relationship is very difficult - you have to be strong when you have not much reserves (you spend all your strength surviving). I spent 13 years in an abusive violent relationship. In some ways the verbal abuse was the hardest to cope with because it destroyed every shred of my confidence and I was a very depressed, powerless person. I found it almost impossible to do anything about my situation, even though I was obsessed about understanding him and trying to make it work. I realise now, there was nothing I could do to change things. I lived this double life, where I had nice friends, a good job so I could forget about the nightmare at home and pretend things were normal. The thing that baffles me to this day, and if I knew the answer I'd volunteer to work in a hostel, but I've never known this answer is, the degree of denial I lived in. It was a curtain that used to close over my mind after each episode - I think it was a survival mechanism. The denial kept me trapped and I knew it but couldn't stop myself, 'coping' this way.
Things came to a head the day my dad died. He thought it was great, he spent over 6 hours laughing, sneering and verbally abusing me. I knew this was the end of the road, and if I didn't go, I would lose my mind and be no good for my daughter.
To cut a long story short, I drove away, with my 3 year old, cat and few things and went to stay with my mum. Fortunately, the police warned him off from hassling me and I began a very acrimonious divorce where my main motive was to protect my daughter.
All I can say, is that since then, nine years later I have never regretted leaving and wish I'd gone sooner - I've wasted my youth, and real opportunities to find a new man, as you are less desireable the older you are. Sadly, that is the reality so please don't waste your youth and opportunities to study etc and get ahead - they may never come round again.
I now live in a lovely peaceful old cottage, full of laughter and friends that can come round whenever they want without fear of repurcusions. I never stop appreciating just 'peace' in my life and being able to shut the front door and not have the enemy within. Just reading the Sunday papers, listening to music etc, were things I wasn't aloud to do before and never a day goes by without appreciating these 'luxuries'.
Things haven't been easy and I've made many mistakes but I'm free. After Dad died, I had a go at running his business, without any training and although it didn't last long, it built my confidence - I wasn't stupid after-all! I'm now doing a degree in biology, and hope to be a teacher to maximise the time I have with my girl as she grows up - then I'd like to do writing. I'm really too old to start a career now, but, I'm enjoying every minute. My life really did begin at 40 but I so regret the wasted years and the wasted energy on a man who was so toxic. Ironically, only now do I have a reasonable relationship with him for the sake of our daughter. I've had to communicate with him, because the courts protected her right (Childrens Act) to see him, so I've had to facilitate a good relationship for her sake. At first, all he wanted to do was score points over me, to be the best parent, but it's turned out quite well now and she has him on his best behaviour. That would never have happened if I stayed with him.
So, please find the courage within - you'll never regret it, however hard and you'll look back on the nightmare and wish you'd done it sooner rather than later.