Those of you who have LEFT an EMOTIONAL ABUSIVE relationship please come and tell me how you did it

[AboardtheAxiom]

as I am struggling to get my head around leaving.

I know at the end of the day I need to do this for myself and DS but am finding very hard as - well , here is my thread

If anyone on here has left please tell me about your journey and how you managed it.

I will need washing machine, fridge freezer, bed for ds, bed for me, bedding for me, curtains, sofa, dining table, cutlery, pans, kettle, toaster, oven, microwave? (don't have one at moment but someone suggested I buy one to tide me over til oven bought and connected), and freeview box (for DS's Cbeebies addiction).

I will need most big things as going to have to leave them in the house. On the positive side though there are several furniture charity shops, local paper, local stuff4sale website and so on. So should be able to pick most things up fairly cheaply.

I CANNOT GIVE HIM THIS MONEY. He works FT, pays one household bill and is paying token payments on his loan and no CSA - and still isn't organised enough with his money! I don't care if I have to put up with him moaning and sulking. It's tough. I will need the money as I am going to be walking away with clothes, toys and wardrobes and will need everything else. Feel uneasy having it in the house now though. But can't bank it as can't have any savings to apply for community care grant (which I will need).

Right off to meet sis will try to get back on later.

join the local freecycle site (this is a yahoo group) - I give lots of my stuff away this way so I know that there is good stuff on there. Things are free you don't pay. I can attach a link to the site if you want.

Put the money wadded up in the toe of a boot. Or ask your mum or sister to hold onto it for you. Tell him you've spent it on Christmas pressies, organised and thoughtful person that you are .

I have hidden the money in a sealed envelope at my mum's along with my ID stuff and DS's birth certificate. Have not told my mum it is there as I don't want her to worry about it or emotionally involve her when it is not necessary so have just wrote on it in case she does come across it (unlikely).

Will tell him have asked my mum or nana to put it in their savings account for me if he asks. He didn't know where it was in this house and have told him won't be lending him it so hopefully won't be brought up again.

Had forgotten about freecycle but am a member already so that will be handy.

Still not heard from landlord so have emailed him to check in, hope he just hasn't got hold of business partner yet - really really hope he gives me good news soon! I fnot it will be back to the council housing office.

Does the landlord know you'll be away camping? Might let him know in case he tries to contact you.

He called ........................

IT'S MINE!!!!

Landlord going to email me what I need to do next in terms of getting housing benefits sorted and charater reference sent in. AM SO SECRETLY EXCITED!!!!

Oh forgot to say, is happy with £100 bond, don't need to pay admin fee, understands I probably won't have a month's rent up front, etc etc.

I am so HAPPY for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yay!!!!!!!!!!

how fucking brilliant!!!!!!

congratulations!

COOOOOOOOOOOOOL . This is fantastic. Well done ATA. Now enjoy your camping trip

Excellent news Axiom.

When can you move in?

Very pleased for you.

Thanks everyone

Well I have got my form to fill in, going to take it back into estate agents first thing in morning, landlord doesn't want a deposit now!! Also said won't be doing a credit check.

Think I will be moving in weeks quicker though if I pay the first months rent up front (rather than waiting for benefits to be sorted) so will do that so I can get moved in quicker.

Mathanxiety - gee thanks We are going midday Friday, home sunday afternoon. Wish me luck.

Had to take DS to the house with me today to pick up form but just told him I needed to pick up a letter from the postman, frightened he mentions "the empty house" to his dad though now! Any ideas for cover stories in case he does???

How about saying it's the house of someone from DS's school and it's being painted so all furniture moved/ gone. Or they're putting in new floors or carpet, some sort of renovation? Don't make the house story too elaborate.
You could say the owners got your post from school by mistake, routine information and nothing to worry about, similar surnames, told you about the letter in school, you went to pick it up?

Keep it simple. Just shrug and say you passed a house with a removal van in front of it and you could see through the open door that all the furniture was gone. DS was clearly enthralled by the sight!

Right well our postman lives across the road from me and often keeps my parcels for me if I'm out, so will say picked a letter up from him and cody saw an empty house and was nosying as there are a couple empty either side of him. Yes will shrug in an uninterested manner if DS brings it up.

Arg. Can't wait to move!!

Perfect. Not long now! Good luck in concealing your excitement. Whenever your H is around, make sure to think about dying puppies or similar.

good luck Aboard. You've done really well! When do you plan to make the move?

You'll probably have no trouble concealing your excitement on the camping trip . Stay safe.

Fantastic news!! Now you really will enjoy the weekend.

I'm back. We had gale force winds and pouring rain this morning - the party marquee nearly took off!!

Last night he decided to put me on the spot and asked me if we were ok - he said he has been really paranoid and is worried he will come home from work one day to an empty house! He said me selling my car and doing things like locking the door when I have a bath

back in a bit interrupted.

When's moving day?

We need to think of a list of non-commital replies for on the spot moments to avoid the shit hitting the fan...

lock the door for a bath = that's why we put a lock on the door... every other person in the land does it!

selling car; couldn't afford insurance this year and no point just keeping it SORN so sold it... christmas is benefitting so stop whinging

Hi had to close tab and good job too as he then asked if he could go on laptop and I better go turn my bath taps off that he had put on.

Grr.

Yes apparently these things had been making him worried. Also apparently I am not talking to him as much and the house has a cold atmosphere. (That's pretty much the replies I gave re:the bathroom. The car money though have said I will be banking and saving to buy a run around 'from my nana' (who gave me the car) when I pass my test.

I am worried about keeping this up. Was meant to be going to estate agents office tomorrow to pay rent but he has taken the day off work (he said last night he had planned on speaking to me on monday but had had a few beers and plucked up the courage last night to ask me (during a party with family and friends in a marquee in a field in the middle of nowhere - what would you say in response in that situATION?!) and will no doubt be glued to my side all day.

Was going to get house clean andorganised then move in but feel like bolting as soon as I have the keys TBH.

Sorry if this is rambly I am posting quickly while he unloads car.

Yep, bolt... far safer

Clean / organise when you're in - as long as the door locks, the roof doesn't leak and it's warm it's ALL that matters for a few days.

Can your sister go to EA for you? or mum?

Write a quick letter saying you give them permission, in the circumstances I'm sure he'll be alright with it - he knows about the reason for leaving, right?