can i moan about dh and money

[cheesesarnie]

sorry another relationship post from me within 5 minutes

money is tight atm,im worrying about it every night but have been very good getting the weekly shopping down to £34(for 5),we're going without things but eating a fairly balanced diet.im a sahm so this comes out of the family tax credit and child benefit.i also pay bills out of this (water,council tax,electric,a catologue we used to buy washing machine and new tv when old one blew up),driving lessons.

dh works full time and long hours.

on thursday i did the weekly shop saying no to dc when they wanted certain things in supermarket just because i dont have the money.we did it in budget with £3 to last till next thursdayand the very next morning dh comes in with food shopping(£160 worth).this really upset me for some reason,he knows i panic about money and if he'd said he had 'spare' money it could have gone to something else-such as next weeks food bill.i can see in good way now that we now have freezer full of food but was and yesterday.i think just because he's now a hero to dc splashing cash on cakes and treats etc!

also last week he casually mentioned going to hairdresser,i was as he knew dc needed hair cuts before going back to school but i couldnt afford it.

i know im being silly and immature.its just theres no 'us' when it comes to money or even parenting really.

ignore my silly rant

So glad that you have told him how things need to be. Good luck for the future!

thanks we shall see!we have to move out of our house now and im wondering if we'll stand the pressure-as a coupleand if we move to a different area it will be doubly scary.grrr

I can't fathom that people can live together and have chioldren and yet keep each other in the dark like this.What a way to live!

cheese

I have just read the whole thread and have to say was in a bit of shock as to how some people separate their finances.

At the moment we have very little disposable income so both get paid straight into the joint account and everything comes out of their, if there is ever any spare money it goes on dd or a family day out or a meal out together or occasionally if there is enough money we may treat ourselves to something we want

I'm glad you seem to have straightened things out a little why are you having to move? where in the country are you? Is there any chance moving will free up some income? Could you find a cheaper property? Obviously might be difficult with a family of 5

the landady is selling.were in cornwall.the house we rent is cheaper end of average for cornwall.were looking at different areas that dh could commute from-he has a fair commute atm so spends £120 a month on fuel.

such a shame you have to contend with a move as well as the financial issues but reducing your fuel bill should definitely help things

i know.i dont know if we'll stand it tbh!
fuel bill might not change much if we stay in same area.were looking nearer dh work but also near where we are now.apparently most the properties were looking at are cheaper council tax bands so that should be some help.

just realised its thursday tomorrow-thats the day dh is supposed to hand over £40 so we shall see.

Well done though for being able to get some sense out of him and for him supplying the incomings and outgoings. Did he mention why he needed to get the loans?

when questioned he said it was for big stuff weve needed.i still cant understand what big stuff as im paying off the tv and dishwasher and i also brought the washing machine.my mum brought the dc bedroom furniture and more or less every other peice of furniture has been given to us.the cars-1 i paid for,1 he brought with money his mum left him and mine he's just finished paying his friend for through odd jobs.

what other big things can there be!!

cheesesarnie i have just read this whole thread in disbelief at just how alike our lives are financially. My DH is self-employed and NEVER gives me a dime towards the bills/food/and clothes for our two DDs. I too struggle to pay for everything out of £160 pw child tax credits and child benefit.

Due to his utter head-in-the-sand attidude we are heavily in debt (have recently gone down the IVA route), have council tax arrears which i pay each week - he even expects me to find the money for the IVA £180 per month!

We have our own home but it is in his name only and we are in mortgage arrears with that as well. If i "kick off" at him over the financial stuff he threatens to leave because he knows that a) i can't afford the mortgage payments and b) DSS wouldn't help with the mortgage anyway. Right now he is at the pub spending his money!

Sorry for the long post but had to tell you that you are not alone in your situation.

Level43 -very similar!the stupid thing is,reading your post i thought why is she with him.its easier said than done isnt itand its horrible to think but if my dh threatened to leave when i try to discuss the situation with him-id be delighted

Yes it is easier said than done - believe me i have fantasised about me and the dd's being on our own, how nice the house would be without all his crap everywhere etc. but in reallity i would brick myself if he did leave and he knows this , therefore he has the upper hand methinks

it would be my idea of heaven sadly.

this is probably going to sound really shitty but i sometimes think it would be best if the house would be re-possessed (it can't be far off anyways) , we could move into rented house (i would ask that my name was on the tenancy agreement), bide my time then get him to leave - at least then the DSS would help financially.

Reading that back it does sound bad but i'm sick of his controlling and thoughtless behaviour.

we need our heads knocking together

too bloody right we do , he still not back from the pub , looks like i will be in the spare room tonight

oh dear.what time did he get back?

just after 1 am and he got to sleep in the spare room