can i moan about dh and money

[cheesesarnie]

sorry another relationship post from me within 5 minutes

money is tight atm,im worrying about it every night but have been very good getting the weekly shopping down to £34(for 5),we're going without things but eating a fairly balanced diet.im a sahm so this comes out of the family tax credit and child benefit.i also pay bills out of this (water,council tax,electric,a catologue we used to buy washing machine and new tv when old one blew up),driving lessons.

dh works full time and long hours.

on thursday i did the weekly shop saying no to dc when they wanted certain things in supermarket just because i dont have the money.we did it in budget with £3 to last till next thursdayand the very next morning dh comes in with food shopping(£160 worth).this really upset me for some reason,he knows i panic about money and if he'd said he had 'spare' money it could have gone to something else-such as next weeks food bill.i can see in good way now that we now have freezer full of food but was and yesterday.i think just because he's now a hero to dc splashing cash on cakes and treats etc!

also last week he casually mentioned going to hairdresser,i was as he knew dc needed hair cuts before going back to school but i couldnt afford it.

i know im being silly and immature.its just theres no 'us' when it comes to money or even parenting really.

ignore my silly rant

he could have paid them off early

Are they car loans do you think? or if you have been out has he put purchases on a credit card maybe and he has had trouble paying them off and needed to get a loan to cover it?

You need to get it out into the open.
Make an appointment with CAB with him and go together. Would he do that?

Just had a quick look on entitledto and he would get

£66.07 housing benefit so would only pay £370 93 per month rent

Based on the figure you gave of 39hours @ £7.50 he would have a take home of £1036 .72 per month and this would give WTC £20.91

As you think he is bringing home way more than that and getting MORE wtc... well there are some discrepencies

no not car loans.we have a morris 1000 that we show that i brought(from a drunk man in a pub stupidly cheap years ago).his car he brought with money his mum left him-then wasted the rest away.he brought me one recently as im learning to drive-i found out his friend paid and hes been doing odd jobs to pay him back but thats now all done-twas cheap and cheerful.

i cant think what he could have brought on credit card,or what in general!

knowing him hes wasted away the money on nothing!

thanks oldraver!

hopefully ive got it terribly wrong.but i dont really see how.

Are you able to scan those papers so you can print them off? Just so that you can look at copies in your own time rather than looking at the originals and if/when you confront him you have the evidence in front of you?

The loans arn't due to be aid off till 2012 [shock} his YOUR bank statements would show if they are still ongoing

no scanners not working.

2012!!great -this is my life

could the second loan be partly to cover the first loan if its from the same bank?

ive never had a loan so unsure how these things work.

I really don't know...

Do you have a local shop that lends it's photocopier out for 10p a sheet?

yep,the garage will be open tomorrow-i'll pop up there.good idea btw.

mamas12- i forgot to answer you.i did in my head but not on here.i'll suggest it,its worth a try.but tbh no i dont think he would.

Cheesie.. yes that is possible. As it was only 3 years into an 8 year loan a big portion of the £10,000 could be in settlement of the original £7,500 loan

So... he probably didnt -waste £7,500 then 3 years later £10,000 to spend... more likely wasted spent the £7,500 then went back for another £2,500 plus settlement of original £7,500

I'm so glad you are getting yourself together.
Make those copies and get some advice in rl.
You are a strong woman, you can easlily do this.

im not at all strong!if i was strong i would have left about 2 years ago but didnt because of the dc,because i thought i should make it work-as in id made mt bed etc,and because id not cope on my own(although i am in most senses on my own anyway).

Are these loans in his name or are they in both of your names?

I am upset for you having to live like this. Financially you would be much better off without him.

He is a cocklodger.

You and your DCs don't deserve this arsehole.

in his names from his bank.

id never heard the term cocklodger before today but i love it.

At least you are not legally liable for the loans.

You are a strong women. Heck you have been buying food, paying council tax, electricity, clothing you and the DCs on a pittance. It should be a piece of cake living without this arsehole.

What kind of man can see his wife and children struggling whilst he lives the life of riley? A selfish, thoughtless fucker.

and water.dont forget the water.and the money to pay for tv and washing machine once a month

if (as some have said he may be)he is messing around with the benifits-which i hope to god hes not-will i be responsible?

also if it came to it and i did chuck him out what are the chances of dc and i being able to stay in this house?

What the hell has he been spending "his" money on?

I don't know what would happen regarding your house. Whose name is on the tenancy agreement?

Some handy contacts for you. You might not think so but you have been abused (financially) by this man. There is help out there for you.

Keep posting on mumsnet. SolidGoldBrass might be online tomorrow. She really knows her stuff

womans aid

CAB

both names on tenancy agreement.

thanks for links.will look now as unsure if i'll be online tomorrow.
you have all been sooo lovely btw!

If you two are renting with no assets, other than the cheap, old cars, there might be a possibility to get the loan written off with a debt relief order if he goes for a period on £7.50 per hour with no overtime. You are only allowed £50 per month disposable income to qualify for this but, with 4 dcs, they do allow a good sum for housekeeping etc.. which is not counted as disposable.

However, he may have overstated his income to get the loan and looks like he has understated for tax credits so you have to tread carefully.

Do make an appointment to see a money adviser with the CAB and take as much paperwork as you can with you as they need the whole picture.

Please try not to worry about being "no good" at maths. If you take it all slowly and methodically you will be able to make sense of it.

A bit more about debt relief orders:

The debtor is unable to pay his/her debts;

The debtor?s total unsecured liabilities must not exceed £15,000;

The debtor?s total gross assets must not exceed £300 (this includes houses so homeowners will not be eligible); The debtor will usually be allowed to keep a car if it is worth less than £1000 or it has been adapted for them because they have a physical impairment that has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on their ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities.

The debtor?s disposable income, following deduction of normal household expenses, must not exceed £50 per month.

The debtor must be domiciled in England or Wales, or in the last 3 years have been resident or carrying on business in England or Wales.

The debtor must not have previously been subject to a DRO within the last 6 years.

The debtor must not be involved in another formal insolvency procedure at the time of application for a DRO

For questions on tenancy agreements, I find Shelter very helpful

Ring 0808 800 4444

8am-8pm Monday-Friday
8am-5pm Saturday-Sunday

Calls are free from UK landlines.

thanks.i'll re read properly when i get time-i think i need to go to bed,my eyes are going fuzzy!