can i moan about dh and money

[cheesesarnie]

sorry another relationship post from me within 5 minutes

money is tight atm,im worrying about it every night but have been very good getting the weekly shopping down to £34(for 5),we're going without things but eating a fairly balanced diet.im a sahm so this comes out of the family tax credit and child benefit.i also pay bills out of this (water,council tax,electric,a catologue we used to buy washing machine and new tv when old one blew up),driving lessons.

dh works full time and long hours.

on thursday i did the weekly shop saying no to dc when they wanted certain things in supermarket just because i dont have the money.we did it in budget with £3 to last till next thursdayand the very next morning dh comes in with food shopping(£160 worth).this really upset me for some reason,he knows i panic about money and if he'd said he had 'spare' money it could have gone to something else-such as next weeks food bill.i can see in good way now that we now have freezer full of food but was and yesterday.i think just because he's now a hero to dc splashing cash on cakes and treats etc!

also last week he casually mentioned going to hairdresser,i was as he knew dc needed hair cuts before going back to school but i couldnt afford it.

i know im being silly and immature.its just theres no 'us' when it comes to money or even parenting really.

ignore my silly rant

Posted too soon - are there any bills you don't have sight of, credit cards? tax credit letters?

We get about £40 a month.

£600 a month?!?!?!??!?!?!?

Thinking about this further - don't you get tax credits as a family? As in one payment? The way you've put it you are getting £143 a week for you and the children and he is getting a separate sum of £40 a week.

He must be fiddling it in some way surely.

bloody hell!does sound like a lot reading it back!havent read all the posts since i lasted posted properly but...hopefully its me thats got it wrong and not him fiddling.
theres lots of bills,important documents i dont see-his wage slips(never seen one for his new job which he started in dec i think),credit card bills,bank loans-which i know he has but havent seen,and come to think of it not much else.im very open -a bill is something to wail about not keep secret.
am ed i never thought of that.but as i say i could be wrong about his wages.i know he works btween 30-40 hours a week and im guessing about £10 an hour.and i know he used to get about £30/40 tc and i know i get £143 because it goes straight in my bank where every single penny is acounted for by me.

am .would it be wrong to get sneaky and have a look for things?if he is doing something wrong and i could be held equaly responsible?or should i wait till hes back tomorrow and give him ultimatum -talk or ? and if no talking as usual,then sneak?

i hate this.

LaurieFairyCake-yes i get family tc,he gets working tc.i assumed this was how its done for every one-2 seperate things?

reality-yes

How much does he earn a month?

It sounds like he is fiddling.

You need to talk to him.

i was wrong, we get no tax credit

dh just said we would be better off financially breaking up

Your sums for salary per hour vs hours he works vs what he brings home don't add up at all cheesesarnie.

If you want to see what you think you should be receiving in TCs based on his salary you can go to the website and it will give you an estimate based on household income and number of children.

It's really not fair that he has spare money to do a big shop on a whim while you're counting every penny and saying no to the children.
Can you work out a joint budget with him? Really all money should be family money.
DP and I sit down, work out the total we have coming in and work out how much we can spend on what, leaving us both spending money (more for him as he has to commute to work, buy lunch etc).
We have our own accounts but also a joint account which pays for food, clothes for DC and other household-related expenses excluding bills/mortgage.

he gets £7.50 an hour.and according to contract its usually 39 hour week,but i know when he started they said hed be doing alot of extra hours.

MatthewBellamysMuse i wish he would.i do but we dont together.i work out weekly down to every penny.

You have to count pennies

He doesn't

how is that right

start charging him a £2 per hour for looking after his children whilst he goes out to work that will give you an extra £100 per week.

more like £336

great idea cargirl.

why is your £143 a week for 4 people and his £400 is just for him.

Unbelievably unfair. I truly hope you don't buy anything for him out of your money. Not one carrot.

Wow I just CANNOT believe the situation you have found yourself in cheesesarnie, and well done for starting to question it.
It is wrong on all levels.
Get into his things and find out exactly what 'his' incomings are and 'his' outgoings are.
If there are debts then that would explain something I suppose. But really I would take charge of your Family Finances now before he comes back then proceed to tell him how it's going to be from now on because his system is just NOT working.
I am so and for you.
You can take charge of it all, because you are doing a marvelous job already, think what you could do as a family when all family income in pooled.

i know he has got debts-bank loans but dont know how much for.

i suppose i know feel stupid for not questioning sooner.

You don't need to feel stupid. He's the cock-lodger here.

If he kicks off tell him he needs to bear in mind how much better off you would be if he moved out and he had to pay maintenance.

sorry, annoyed on your behalf

at cock-lodger!!
i think thats a good plan-and i think im almost brave enough to say it!and its also true,im not sure how much better of id be financialy but in every other way im sure i would.except for the dc

You are not stupid

You should be able to trust your husband

On that wage he prob takes home about 250 a week, not 400. If you are in private rental you might get some housing benefit on that wage. Is that the 40 a week he gets? He should definitely not be getting working tax credit. Basically, you should pool all income, pay bills and anything for dc out of that, and what's left gets split into two between you. Your arrangement is insane. He is abusing you. You need to put a stop to this.

he gets £40 a week i think for housing benefit plus the £40(or however much for tc,i will investegate later-its not snooping if its mine too is it?).i used to get a tiny bit of help towards council tax but they stopped it when dh started his new job.