Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have totally been played - what an idot... and when did dating all get so compllicated?

146 replies

beenplayed · 15/08/2009 17:59

Basically title says it all.
Im back in the dating game after getting divorced. All ready to move on.
Chatted to lots of guys, not met up.. not liked them enough.
Then... WHAM! met this fantastic bloke. Hit it off like nothing before. Constant emails/texts. All got a bit raunchy, x rated pics, texts, msn and cyber sex. ( not something i have done before!!)
It was like this for a week. We had agreed to meet up.

Then nothing. He goes totally cold and has now ignored my last email/text.

I dont get it at all... have been totally played havent i!

What an idiot, lesson learnt.

OP posts:
slummymummy36 · 15/08/2009 20:41

Perhaps the pic was not of his cock!

Perhaps he was worried he wouldnt measure up to the pic!

Whatever the reason, you have ha a lucky escape. Put it down to experience and dont dwell on it.

oneopinionatedmother · 15/08/2009 20:49

what slummy said!

imagine it - he selects 'Pornmonster 2000' prick to send to you whiilst possessing 'Fiat500' knob himself. You text back how much you'd like to see the Pornmonster up close and personal (as twere) and his Fiat 500 runs and hides.

Men. Its all about the willy.

Original poster
beenplayed · 16/08/2009 09:04

AH - well he has now de registered his account from that site.

So im guessing he was either married, or had a gf and maybe got caught out but def was doing it for cheap thrills.

Ah well - live and learn hey!

OP posts:
Chinchilla · 16/08/2009 09:22

I know it souinds a bit old-fashioned...BUT, if he was for real, he would not have started with the sex stuff so early on.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 16/08/2009 09:33

"Men. Its all about the willy."

I have just choked on my cereal laughing.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 16/08/2009 09:42

you're never going to have a loving, committed relationship with a man who sends you pictures of his cock before he's even met you!

Original poster
beenplayed · 16/08/2009 09:45

oh i totally know that

i wasnt after a loving committed relationship... thats why i was so confused

it was just going to be sex

OP posts:
HecatesTwopenceworth · 16/08/2009 09:50

ah. did he know that?

Maybe he's all mouth and no trousers.

Original poster
beenplayed · 16/08/2009 10:00

yep - he knew that too

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 16/08/2009 10:00

Hecates I beg to differ.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 16/08/2009 10:08

Then clearly he's a knobless wonder!

Serendip - personal experience, I take it?

SerendipitousHarlot · 16/08/2009 10:09

Reader, I married him

HecatesTwopenceworth · 16/08/2009 10:18

Wow. Guess you really liked what you saw, eh?

thesecondcoming · 16/08/2009 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SerendipitousHarlot · 16/08/2009 10:36

Hecates - if I'm honest, I wasn't that impressed

Nah, just kidding. It was a combination of a lot of things, the cock pics being a small part. Pardon the pun

But we sent texts and talked for 3 months before we ever even met. And by then I alrady loved him. Sounds stupid now... and I wouldn't have believed it either - but it worked for us

HecatesTwopenceworth · 16/08/2009 10:42

I must say though, it takes balls (pardon the pun ) to send pictures of your cock to a total stranger.

That's confidence!

Doesn't sound stupid to me! I moved (now) dh into my place the night we met and we were married 3 months later! When you know, you know!

poshsinglemum · 16/08/2009 11:08

If he's ending you pictures of his cock then it's obvious he just wants a shag anyway which is fine if that's what you want.
I would put it down to a bit of cyber fun but if you want a serious relationhsip it's probably a blessing that you didn't meet. If you just want sex there will be plenty others.
But yes, the dating scene is far too complicated. I think that men are more complex than women. People say that they are straight foward but imo they play games just as well as us girls do- if not more!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 16/08/2009 11:14

Sounds like he's either someone who gets his jollies from anonymous internet sex but doesn't actually get off on the real thing, or he's inhibited in real life and can discuss his fantasies etc online, but not in person, or he's married/attached and was just having a virtual bit on the side.

Of course he would tell you he wanted to meet up in person - to get you to join in with the pre-show. In any case, it's nothing to do with you, so move on and forget it. He was probably a crap shag anyway. Much better to go out in RL and find someone you really spark with if it's just a shag you want. Or stick to internet jollies for fantasy, but not reality.

purplepeony · 16/08/2009 11:38

Maybe you need to look at this in a totally different way...

are you really looking for "just sex"?

I know some men who would fall over themselves running for a woman who is offering no-strings sex- but they never seem to find one/many. Mainly that's because it's what a lot of women SAY they want, to pull a guy, but then their emotions kick-in.

The fact that you are hurt enough by this to post here seems to imply that you aren't as cold and calculating about wanting just a shag as you say you are.

I can understand how a shag without any strings might appeal for a short time to get it out of your system, but longer term it must have a pretty hollow feel to it?

2rebecca · 16/08/2009 11:54

I can't imagine sending amorous texts to someone I'd never seen. To me so much of fancying a person is bound up in how they look, behave, talk, smell, the sparkle in their eyes etc that I can't imagine deciding I fancy someone I'd never met. I'd feel so stupid if I'd sent someone amorous texts and then met him and found him unattractive.

Original poster
beenplayed · 16/08/2009 13:17

Yes totally sure it was just sex.

That wasnt what i was originally looking for... wasnt really looking for anything.

Then i got chatting to this guy and i HAD to have him.
Just sex - nothing more.

I cant even say i fancied him, you cant say that about someone you havent met... BUT it was total lust.

Ill also defend myself now by saying that im not a stupid girl, im in my 30s and have been married for 10 years. Id had bfs before i got married so am not totally naieve to blokes. Im also no prude and have had a very varied and experimental sex life and my view is that if everyone is consenting then whats the harm?

I was just a bit confused with what happened and that id been played so easily.

OP posts:
oneopinionatedmother · 16/08/2009 14:10

i think you're doing quite well to be fair, last time i was single after a long relationship, i didn't meet any guys at all for ages, nor really try to do so. (i ended up getting back with the same bloke and yes, reader, I also married him.)

so, chalk one down to experience, and carry on being as filthy a slut as you like - if the bloke is right, he won't run away with his willy tail tucked between his legs.

fortune favours the brave!

purplepeony · 16/08/2009 14:32

how can you fancy a guy you have never met? all the flirty or mucky talk in the world can't be the same as meeting in real life- he might have been a complete turn off- just cos he has a silver tongue doesn't mean it would work for you and him in RL- sounds like you got carried away with the chatting-up and you ego is bruised that it came to nothing.

Remotew · 16/08/2009 15:01

Just a thought about fancying someone you haven't met. If you chat to someone via webcam and really like what you see and vice versa then perhaps thats a good indication that you will fancy each other in RL. More so than with just words on a screen and a photo.

Wonder what other people think to that.

AnyFucker · 16/08/2009 17:06

the dirty fucker was obviously married

I really do not know why blokes think pics of their cocks will send us into a lustful frenzy

cocks are the single most ridiculous thing about them

Swipe left for the next trending thread