I'm so pleased you're getting there, lovely.
No, I don't understand what went on there, but have asked for the post to be taken off.
What we learn as children, and throughout our lives, creates patterns in our brains - neural pathways. As behaviour is repeated, the pathways get stronger (like a footpath becoming a road with continued use). Behaviour patterns, like "not saying No" and rules, like "the man of the house is boss" become deeply embedded so, by the time you've grown up around it and been married to it, they're well-used A-roads in your brain! That's why it seems hard to branch away from them.
The good news is, we create new neural pathways every minute of our lives - even people with Alzheimer's still have that ability. When you're very scared of branching away from an old, well-worn pathway, you can actually begin making a new one by imagining the new behaviour. This way, your brain gets to figure out where the new one should go. Do it several times, and the new behaviour becomes easier to do for real (athletes do this before a big event). So, frexample, you could imagine ways of saying "No" to DH's sudden night-time advances.
The taking care of your self is very important from this point of view! Apart from the fact that you're setting up healthy neural pathways, which will serve you well throughout life - every thought you shift away from him, weakens a "being anxious about DH" pathway & strengthens a "loving me" one.
Which can only be good.