Ah, back from the depths of the long lost threads!!
Thank you moanyhole for tossing me this life-raft.
Well folks, how is everyone?
I am currently in self imposed exile back home - am being cyber stalked by my ex so have had to do a vanishing act on my home forum. It's really bloody annoying actually as I was begining to use it a lot to have some light hearted banter with people that didn't involve talking about my ex. Things were moving on and I didn't need to keep posting progress reports on my original thread about my h. I was beginning to establish myself as a regular poster and not just the one who every one knew from the 'family relationships' section.
And then he found my thread
So; we were back to essay length emails and middle of the night texts with some (more) good old fashioned blackmail thrown in for good measure.
I was beginning to get a bit dragged down by it all. Having been free of his character assasinations on me for a while I had begun to lighten up, started thinking positively about myself again. The atmosphere in the house had changed, I was starting to get a feel for life without him breathing down my neck checking that I'd done everything on his 'to do' list.
Now of course, he has fresh amunition. He learned some things on my thread and it has opened up old wounds for him.
He has begun to disect our marriage once again naming all my failings as a wife. He is as subtle as ever and says things in the politest possible way (he's still under the safety order and scared of breaking it lest he finds himself on the wrong side of the law) but it is the tone of what he is saying if you get my gist? The patronising way he says "I could have kept you out of psychiatric hospital but it wasn't in your interest" and in reference to my seeking help on line " its a pattern of yours to attract help by being in distress and i stopped buying into that but i think you are doing your damsel in distress bit on line now and its working for you."
It's always those subtle hints and references to my incapabilities, how I was "unable to show affection" and how he "tried everything to get me to talk to him". Talk to him! Agree with him maybe. Listen to hour long monologues about his suffering more like. And oh how he likes to talk about his suffering "I died many times".
At first I felt dragged down by it all. Then I went back to my Lundy Bancroft! Now I'm just irritated at myself for getting sucked back in. I got a taste of that depressing black cloud I had lived under for years and years - the dread and doom that I existed under because he made me feel so shit about my life. It was a nasty little reminder.
I've told him not to text me again, that he is breaking the agreement written in court. That might be enough to put him back in his place. He can't afford to get arrested and loose his job.
He has threatened to start a thread of his own where he can delight in portraying me as his abuser. After all, I did break a plate once....
But on the whole, I am jogging along nicely. Got the maintenance increased through a court order (he didn't even turn up) and am living my life 'to do list' free. One day soon I will start making plans for me. I will choose a thing to do that will come from the real me - not something I think I ought to be doing to keep others happy.
I hope every one is well and safe? I will come back to you all whenever this thread raises its head again - unless my ex finds this one too, in which case I will emmigrate to Australia