The Birthday Gift
by TMSB
I am the youngest of three daughters (Oldest Sister adopted). None of us golf. Our parents, who are now deceased, were golfers. From the estate, I had father's big set of clubs, MS had mother's big set and another small starter set that was my father's.
Also, fyi, I am married with 3 children, MS is single (I mean never been in a serious relationship that I know of) with no children, and OS is married with no children.
Before Dad died, Middle Sister decided to take some golf lessons and give it a try and use mother's clubs (Mom preceeded Dad in death some 18 years). From what MS has said, she can golf decently. She tried in vain to get Dad to go golfing with her. He simply would not go. He had not golfed in years, but that didn't seem to register with MS. Nor would she consider the possibility that this might be a grief point for Dad. But he would not allow her to 'force' him to golf.
Dad's clubs sat in my basement/garage for 9 years after he died. When I was about 5 m pg, we were out shopping and I told MS that I had Dad's clubs and I wanted her to take them or I'd get rid of them some how. She declared (x3) that I did not have Dad's clubs. So I had to 'rephrase that' (one of her favorite things to say) and said that I had a set of clubs in my garage that I wanted her to look at. When we got home, there was Dad's big set of clubs and she mumbled something in response. Tbh, I didn't want to hear her response and just didn't listen. So I made her take them even though she didn't have a use for them.
It turns out that Oldest Sister wanted them to give to her dh. MS had invited herself to OS's for Christmas and so could deliver them. (Point of background here: MS HATES OS's dh. OS's remarrying took her need for MS away.)
MS went on and on how ungrateful OS's dh was for the clubs: he said thank you and just put them right away which she thought was wierd somehow. He didn't kiss her toes and give her the five minute standing ovation I guess she was expecting. Tbh, he just couldn't stand her company and made an escape.
It wasn't like they were a gift from MS to OS's dh. They were an estate item that noone wanted-where were they going to land? So OS's dh said he'd take them and play occasionally-I don't think he was a golfer either but wanted to try. Btw, he is a house-husband which grates on MS's sense of moral righteousness, no end (black and white world).
One day, OS mentions to MS over the phone that they had been out golfing and she had a good time. This is a once made comment.
Both my sisters share the same birthday, two years apart. OS usually gives a house plant or a gift certificate to a gardening company. I usually give candy and/or a gift certificate to a restaurant or home improvement center (what OS always wants). MS, let me say, usually buys what we wouldn't buy for ourselves (and there is usually a good reason for that ).
This year MS told OS that her gift would be delivered to a local store. OS was to receive an email (OS is on dial-up and is hardly ever online), follow the directions to pick up her gift. MS wouldn't tell her what it was. It has to be a surprise.
OS has to jump through hoops to get her gift.
She didn't receive the email. She called the store, they had no record of what she was claiming...wtf?
OS talks to MS on the phone asks her "what is it?"
"I'm not going to tell, it has to be a surprise," MS displays her power.
OS said, "Well, fine. I don't care what it is anymore."
MS: "OK, I'll tell you. I got you a set of golf clubs."
OS: "What!!?" stunned -shock -disbelief.
I forget what else OS said after that-kind of hard to get past that shock. (My dh's jaw dropped too.)
A couple of nights later, OS was in bed and decided to not pick up the phone-it was MS.
On the answering machine: "I am calling in reference to the gift. The order confirmation number is 1111111. I repeat the confirmation number is 1111111. That number again is 1111111. You have until xyz date to pick it up." MS was obviously in office mode, but did she really have to treat OS like a subordinate pee-on? Another superiority power play: Happy F*&king Birthday.
OS is not a rich person. She is barely scraping by, especially since her dh won't/can't work (major PD-another story, but we think he just isn't employable). They can not afford golf. They might go to a public course twice a year, if that. They would never be members of a club, even if they could afford it-they would never choose that. Never, ever.
The gift was so inappropriate. The gift was all about MS and had nothing to do with OS except as N supply. MS probably bragged at the office that she was giving her sister a set of clubs for her birthday: shine on glory superiority.
The generous gift, the over generous gift. MS earns 4 times what OS does and OS (nor I for that matter) could not ever reciprocate with a gift of comparable value. Superiority power play.
Jump through hoops to get my gift: superiority power play.
You are not a golfer, but you are now because I think you should: superiority power play.
So, MS could't get Dad on the links, maybe now she will force/shame OS to play with her and no doubt win: future projected superiority power play.
I told OS she should sell them (or immediately return them when she picks them up) and get the home improvement supplies that a gift card would have been used for-what she really wanted.
When MS finds out about that, I can hear clear as a bell: "Well, I was only trying to help." Pity party, like you said, Sakura.
I just thought of this:
There will no doubt be an oration about how ungrateful OS is, as well. I am predicting that this will induce MS to call me, to grind OS to dust: How dare I think well of OS now?
Or-now that I am thinking in this vein of I'm involved somehow:
OS is now 'her' golden child and I am now 'her' bad child. Omg...could this be her new N stratagem?
I hope the story is coherent. As an ACOA, my narratives can get very sloppy.
And thanks for reading .