He's cheating again!

[Coper]

My H had an affair that lasted about 18 months. I found out and he eventually finished with her. However he had at one time told the kids he was leaving and had upset them etc.
Now 1 year later I have discovered he is seeing her again. I was devastated the first time around but I feel different this time. He doesn't know I know yet. He's with her now and has made up an excuse to be away until Monday.
I have calmly carried on today as if nothing has happened. The children have only just recovered from when he told them last time. I think they will be different this time.
What shall I do?
We had just been away on hol and we had a great time. I had started to believe we were going to be ok.

have you got someone who can come round and be with you just now? what age are the DC?

And no I don't want to live like this. I tracked him so that I knew the truth. Now I know I intend to do something about it. I just want to do it properly without it upsetting the children more than necessary and without him being able to hide finances etc. I can't stay in the house as it is rented and belongs to his business and is in his name. He has to live here. However we do have funds so I should be able to buy somewhere and not have money problems.

well thats something at least, I would speak to a solicitor ASAP though, you could start with the CAB, they would point you in the right direction

I feel sick for you. This happened to me with an ex boyfriend but all I kept thinking everytime he tried to get back with me or deny it, was that he was having sexual contact with someone else.
Good luck. Incidentally my ex is 39 fat, still single, despite chasing every bit of skirt there is.
This is the time for you to make some decisions because he has already made a lot by cheating on u.

and without meaning to sound crude/insensitive about it all, if you've still been having sex with him you need to get yourself checked out

I second that.

I think that you should be thinking of a life without your dh,he clearly has little respect for you. I would consult a solicitor as soon as possible and tell dh that you would be eternally grateful if he could pack his bags and move in with his mistress, so that you can have some peace.
Don't shed any more tears for this man, he is simply not worth it.

I guess its solicitors then really isn't it?

I would really take out any current account funds though - really I would. There is no predicting how people wil react when they face a situation like this. YOu can't know how he will react.

I guess yo need to start thinking about how you will approach telling him and when.

It should not be too difficult to secure yourself some rented lodgings fairly quickly, if you have money to hand for deposits and bonds etc. Or would staying with relatives be easier on the children in the short term?

I would transfer money that is fair to your account.

Start looking on line for somewhere to live.

Pack mine and the kids stuff for when we can go.

Is there anywhere you can move out to right away so when he comes home on Monday he gets the message?

Tempted to ask if there is a MNter near enough to go round. [evil]

if your worried he may hide funds or cancel accounts then don't tell him anything. don't let on that you know anything.

search the house for as much info as you can and get yourself to a solicitor asap.

make sure that the first he knows of anything is AFTER you have evedence of what money is where and your solicitor has copies.

It wont be easy but it will make the revenge oh so much sweeter.

oh yes do, out where he is, if its near me I'll nip round, let down his tyres, knock on the door, accuse him of cheating on me so she thinks he's got a wife AND another burd on the go - I am a bit evil though so apologies if that doesn't amuse you

And remember you need to divide the money fairly.

If you have 3 kids, there is 5 of you in the family and therefore you need to take 4/5ths of the account.

That is the only thing to do. Photocopy all bank statements etc - in fact hang on a sec, I'll link to a list...

I would sort out the money stuff first. If he has his own business then it will be easy for him to hide his income/money etc. If you have enough funds to buy a house you are talking about a substantial amount.

I would also consult a solicitor first, before I told him that I knew what he was up to.

Get everything you need sorted first and then confront him.

You need to carry on as normal towards him while planning your future in secret.

Sorry to hear about your horrific time but be strong for your children. In years to come they'll understand how strong you were to not put up with their lying dad.

To give him a second chance was a very decent thing to do. But he abused your good nature.

Hope everything works out for you.

I actually think it is worse that it is the same woman.

Please don't take him back.

Here is a useful practical link - it's an American site, but I think it's mostly still relevant.

he is swanning aorund thinking he is getting one over on you. he believes his selfish behaviour is going undetected.

you now have the upper hand and control over what happens.
relish the lies he tells you knowing that you know the truth.

enjoy being that one step ahead of him.

then take that dirty scabby knackered fuck pig to the cleaners!

stay strong

thank you for all your advice and bitoffun that list is helpful. I really loved this man and felt he would make it up to me for putting me through hell. Well he hasn't and I need to do as many of you have said. I will find as much financial info as possible. The trouble is there are a lot of internet accounts. But I may be able to find the passwords. I don't think he would try to hide money but then again I didn't think he would have an affair. I have 4 children. The youngest just asked where is dad. I almost told her. She's 9. I know I can cope on my own because for the past 3 years I've been doing most things myself anyway. I can cope but I feel so sad for the children.

Thefearlessfreak - your description is spot on he is a deceiptful, immature, selfish man