I am interested in whether your or your dh/ dp took the initiative at the very beginning, when you started seeing each other. Do you think it has made any difference whether it was you or him? I try hard to understand what went wrong last time, and maybe I don't really remember things right, but part of me wonders whether because he was initially shy / slow to make a move, and then I did, that affected his attitude later, ie made him feel uncertain about whether he really wanted to be in the relationship. On the other hand, we quarrelled a couple of times and then I had full blown courtship from him with champagne, flowers, love letters to make me get back together with him. How important do you think your initial attitude was to how things turned out later?