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Relationships

who initiated?

124 replies

outofpractice · 29/04/2003 15:14

I am interested in whether your or your dh/ dp took the initiative at the very beginning, when you started seeing each other. Do you think it has made any difference whether it was you or him? I try hard to understand what went wrong last time, and maybe I don't really remember things right, but part of me wonders whether because he was initially shy / slow to make a move, and then I did, that affected his attitude later, ie made him feel uncertain about whether he really wanted to be in the relationship. On the other hand, we quarrelled a couple of times and then I had full blown courtship from him with champagne, flowers, love letters to make me get back together with him. How important do you think your initial attitude was to how things turned out later?

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sibble · 30/04/2003 21:16

Went on blind date with my DH for a weekend to a wedding. Was only 1 bed and sofa, wasn't sleeping on sofa so made sense to jump in together. Still together 7 years and 1 DS later (just....) Does that make me a slapper too?

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Ghosty · 30/04/2003 21:23

I USED to be a slapper ... but DH was just too nice. He chased me for weeks ... he he he ... but was really sweet and romantic ... I didn't want to spoil it ... paid off in the end ... have been together for 9 years ...

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MrsS · 30/04/2003 21:34

Fantastic thread - I thought I was a lone slapper.

The first time we met my (now) DH and I got drunk on an IT dept night out and shagged about 2 hours later. Apparently I said "we don't need to have sex" he said "we already have" whoops ! Decided to cut down on the vodka after that

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ks · 30/04/2003 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CAM · 30/04/2003 22:05

Love and XXX at first sight, but then it is both of ours 2nd marriage so we were old enough to know it was the right thing to do.

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susanb · 30/04/2003 22:10

I too was a bit of a slapper. When I met my dp is a dodgy nightclub, we ended up smooching and then with me being completely pissed, he helped me to the kebab house with his coat on as it was freezing. I then declared (apparently very loudly) that I wanted to take him home and shag his brains out. He then told me, very apologetically, that his soon to be ex girlfriend was moving out of his house as we spoke and that it wouldn't be 'right'.

Anyway, he phoned me lots over the next few weeks, and once the ex girlfriend was completely out of the picture, we shagged quite quickly! And 6 years later with 1 ds, shagging has become far less often!!

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lou33 · 30/04/2003 23:23

Wait til you have 4!

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mum2toby · 01/05/2003 08:37

4??? I'm sure conception of the 2nd will be by drunken fumble!!!

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outofpractice · 01/05/2003 10:26

I still unsure whether I am genuinely interested in this person, or just bored/ desperate, but at the same time, I don't want anything to happen because I am scared of getting upset again. So I would like him to make a move, but I think he is too polite and never will. Also, while it is clear that he fancies me physically, so there is the possibility of my pouncing on him at some point, I feel that this time, it should not start off from lust, but I would like the man to rationally decide that he likes me. Yet, if we never arrange to see more of each other, it will take years and years for us to become good friends.

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SimonHoward · 01/05/2003 12:50

MMM

Last time I checked I was real but I'm sure that the warranty on me has run out.

Mum2Toby

At least you have that excuse, what about us poor people that don't drink?

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slug · 01/05/2003 15:54

Ahh simonhoward, you just get your wicked way by flirting outrageously instead.

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Rhubarb · 01/05/2003 16:05

Couldn't you just go out as friends for 3 months and then see how you feel after that? It does take a while to get to know a person, surely you would rather take it slowly than rush in and regret it?
I was friends with my dh for 2 years, he was pestering me to go out with him, but I kept saying no. He was part of a group of friends I went out with when I moved here, I was afraid that if I went out him and it went wrong, I would probably have to leave the circle of friends I had as they all thought very highly of him. Anyway, eventually he stopped asking me out and I realised that I missed the attention. I started to look at him in a new way and I asked him on a date. The rest is history!

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SimonHoward · 02/05/2003 09:52

Slug

If only that were true, then DW would be wandering around with a permanent smile on her face.

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slug · 02/05/2003 12:35

Simonhoward, you're supposed to flirt with HER not nameless floozies on mumsnet.

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mum2toby · 02/05/2003 12:56

Which nameless floozies!!!???

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bunny2 · 03/05/2003 11:54

I made the first move to both my husbands and both were very happy to oblige. I drunkenly asked the first to spend the night with me about an hour after me met. I had moved in to his place within the week. With my current (and forever) dh, I (drunk again, whoops) asked him to buy me dinner, he obliged the next day and I moved in with him about 2 weeks later. Neither were offended or scared by my advances, in fact quite chuffed and flattered I think.

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SimonHoward · 04/05/2003 11:54

Slug

I do flirt with DW. I can't help it if she doesn't respond to it in that way very often.

Mum2Toby

I can assure you there have never been any floosies, nameless or otherwise.

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outofpractice · 04/05/2003 12:27

After discussing with friends (one says that sounds like fun just flirt for a while, one says men are stupid you must make a physical move, two say (without having met this guy) why have you lowered your standards wait and meet someone better in the future) I realized that no one has ever asked me out or kissed me first. However, they have always been happy to get asked out or kissed by me. So, why do I suddenly think that things would be different now? Because it is totally different, because I cannot just seduce someone when the time is right, because I have the knowledge that I will have to run home to the babysitter soon, breaking it all off and having to ask whether we will arrange to meet again. But I think it would be too embarrassing for both of us if I had to say in words that I was interested and wanted to meet him more often. This whirlwind stuff just is not possible when you are a mother, and it makes me cringe to think I would have to put myself on a plate in words.

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whymummy · 04/05/2003 13:16

we were both renting a room in the same house the spanish landlady made it clear that the only reason she was going to rent a room to a girl was because i was a nice spanish catholic girl(eherm),she also warned me about the lad in room number 2,he was nothing but trouble,a week later the lad knocked on my door invited me out we both got really drunk and ended up in my bed,the next morning we slept in and didn`t go to work,we were still asleep when the door opened and there was the landlady coming to clean my room,needless to say we were soon looking for a place to live and been together for 11 years now!!

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mum2toby · 05/05/2003 11:17

Thanks SH.

I was about to start stalking you.

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EmmaTMG · 05/05/2003 12:08

I think I can safely say I took the initative.
I met DH on Holiday and on the 2nd night of the drunken fortnight he and his friend came back to our (mine and best friends) apartment. We all went to bed separately, they had the lounge beds we had the 2 singles in the bed room. DH was virtually comatosed with drink whilst I was just very drunk.
Anyway after lying down, on separate beds for 20 minutes or so I thought 'Oh F**k it'( or him as the case may be!!!) and woke him up in the nicest possible way. It seemed such a shame to waste such fine specimen of a man and such a good opportunity to pass by.
Almost 8 years laters, with 2 DS's and another on the way he still wishes I wake him up the same way!

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mmm · 05/05/2003 12:33

SimonHoward, could you post a picture of yourself please so we can see what you look like? I'd also like to see the rest of you too dear women. I'm an amateur computer person so don't know how to do that sort of thing myself.

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mum2toby · 05/05/2003 12:47

MMM - I don't think that's 'allowed' unless you contact people off of Mumsnet via email. It kind of spoils the anonimity of it all!

Ask tech to forward on your emails to the people you want to see and maybe you'll get a few pictures to put to the names.

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mmm · 05/05/2003 19:37

You're right mum2toby! I guess I got a bit carried away!

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Rhubarb · 05/05/2003 20:58

Is it just me who imagines SH as rather effiminate? No offence meant!

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