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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I just being really vain?

65 replies

Jazzicatz · 09/05/2009 11:08

Dp have been going through loads of problems for many months now, some of which I have posted about on here. We have got to the point where we were seriously considering splitting up, but for the sake of our gorgeous boys we decided to give it one last go.
I have been trying to do other things to bring back some self esteem, one of which is attending a local gym to try and lose some weight and tone up. I am not massively overweight but my tummy is stretched and flabby and whatever exercise I do it won't spring back into the flat toned tummy I once had.
We don't share a bedroom, but this morning I decided to walk into his room naked , hoping he would have something nice to say about my body, he just said that 'yeah it looks alright, but you still need to gat rid of that tummy' I was a bit and but I said that some women just don't especially after big babies, and he started mimicing me and saying that all the ones he knows have and that I need to work harder!
Its just very hurtful especially as he weighs about twenty stone and hardly in shape, at least I am making a real effort.
Am I just being really vain expecting him to say wow you really look as if you are making an effort, rather than the response I got?

OP posts:
mrsboogie · 09/05/2009 11:10

Jesus, he is 20 stone and he says this to you???

I'm speechless.

Idranktheeasterspirits · 09/05/2009 11:10

That was pretty spiteful of him.

Why won't he make an effort for you? You are clearly working hard, is he making changes too?

You're not vain at all, he is being a tit.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 09/05/2009 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrsboogie · 09/05/2009 11:15

I cannot explain to you the mouthful of abuse he would have got if I was in your position. He wouldn't be seeing me naked again either. Ever.

Please don't be a doormat.

BitOfFun · 09/05/2009 11:15

Im sure you are gorgeous- he is being a twat. I'd like to see what his stomach would look like after growing something the size of a chimpanzee in it for nine months...on second thoughts, I really wouldn't!

bronze · 09/05/2009 11:16

erm which other women is he comparing you too

slebs are a different ball game
then theres people like me who keep being told 3 weeks later that Ive got my figure back but lift my top and underneath there is the wobbly crinkled saggy skin

hes being a twat
bet he would look crap if he had given birth

Original poster
Jazzicatz · 09/05/2009 11:16

No I have not been on here for ages as been working and trying to wean myself off Mumsnet for a bit

I just feel it was spiteful and thoughtless. Whenever I think there is a breakthrough in our relationshop he goes and does something really nasty and I just don't want to even try anymore!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 09/05/2009 11:16

Oh, and

citronella · 09/05/2009 11:21

What an ae!
Who does he think he is and how is he so sure about all these other women's tummies? Has seen he seen them undressed? No. Tell him to ae off.
You are not being vain at all. You are making an effort but it should be for yourself rather than for him if he can't even appreciate it.

citronella · 09/05/2009 11:23

Have some strong words with him.

racmac · 09/05/2009 11:35

What a wa*er - how dare he say that and he is 20 stone.
OMG speechless

basic · 09/05/2009 11:38

Dont waste your words on him he does not deserve your attention.

Wigglesworth · 09/05/2009 11:38

It sounds like he is bitter cos HE is the fat fucker and probably has low self esteem and bringing you down makes him feel better.
Sounds like a grade A twat to me.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/05/2009 11:39

Jazzicatz,

I remember you from before and no you are not being at all unreasonable.

Staying with a man purely for the sake of the children is rarely going to work in the long term. He is not inclined to make any effort or to change because at heart he does not want to.

It won't do the children any favours either to see him treating their Mum in such a manner as they pick up on the bad vibes and learn from you both.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/05/2009 11:48

Another question for you Jazzicatz,

Why is someone like you (who comes across as intelligent and erudite and with two lovely looking children to boot) actually with a man like this?.

People like this man can bring someone with any self worth or self esteem issues to begin with even further down. He would certainly cause you to have issues with your self worth. I also think this man is quite happy to drag you and the children down with him.

Original poster
Jazzicatz · 09/05/2009 11:48

Thanks everyone, and hi Atilla, you have always spoken such sense, maybe one day I will find the strength to leave!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jazzicatz · 09/05/2009 11:50

Sorry Attila even

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/05/2009 12:28

That's quite alright. Am more concerned for you really.

You and you children (who also look fab btw) truly deserve more.

All I would say is that you don't want to look back in say three years time and then thinking that you should have got out three years earlier.

You also have more strength than you realise, you know this is not right otherwise you would not be posting here. The first step to leave is never easy and is often the hardest one to take but doing that is surely better than the life you are leading now.

poshsinglemum · 09/05/2009 13:13

He's a twat. Most women's tummies are stretched and baggy after having kids. totally normal.

wiggletastic · 09/05/2009 13:20

Jazzi, you are gorgeous and so are your DSs. Your DH obviously doesn't know how lucky he is having such a beautiful wife and two lovely boys. You are not vain and he is a selfish twat...

Original poster
Jazzicatz · 09/05/2009 13:31

You are all so kind and lovely. I think my self esteem is so low that I can't even think about leaving him. Need to continue to work on it!

OP posts:
Laquitar · 09/05/2009 13:35

I wouldnt stay a minute with this man. I am speechless. And i dont usually look at profiles but i looked at yours and you look FAB!!!

AbricotsSecs · 09/05/2009 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Jazzicatz · 09/05/2009 14:02

You are all being so kind . I don't know what dp thinks, once I would have cared enough to ask, but I just feel that any care on either side has been so eroded that neither of us stops to think.

OP posts:
stagefright · 09/05/2009 14:21

you look gorgeous!
It's not the issue that he is overweight and saying that to you, he shouldn't say it anyway!
He doesn't want you to feel good about yourself