No,no,no chickenwings. Al-anon is not like that at all and your second sentence is totally wrong in its entireity. They certainly won't judge you and I would urge you to give them a call. You need real life support as much as anything else.
I would also think a lot of people actually feel very sorry for you and think that your H is an embarrassment. They don't think he's entertaining at all.
If you look closely at his life you may well find that his close friends (if he actually has any) are made up primarily of drinking buddies. He left one alcoholic boss behind (a kindred spirit) but as you have seen this has not solved the underlying alcoholism.
Unless your H properly wants to address as to why then nothing will actually change and you will all just end up getting dragged down by him.
There are no guarantees here; he could lose everything and still drink. But you are still not responsible for him.
There is NOTHING you can do to make him seek help, he has to want to do this for his own self. It may be that he will never accept responsibility for his alcoholism but it is still not your problem to carry and tiptoe on eggshells around. You need to detach yourself from it; you're also caught up in his alcoholism albeit in a different way.
Your children are learning from you both, this is truly no legacy you want to leave them. Alcoholism is a family problem, the whole family need help and support. Its not just about the alcoholic, what about you because you certainly matter. And so do your children, having an alcoholic as a parent does children no favours at all during childhood because they can learn damaging lessons as a result. They could becoome more vulnerable to choosing alcoholics as partners themselves.
You as his wife probably feel very responsible for him, you in your second sentence is describing what often happens to women in these situations. You certainly do not have to take responsibility for his drinking, that idea is totally off base.
Often too there are elements of co-dependency and enabling going on within such relationships.
You need to remember the 3cs when it comes to alcoholism:-
You did not cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it
The item below is from Al-anon's website:-
The following questions may help you to
decide whether Al-Anon is for you:
?Do you have a parent, close friend or relative whose drinking upsets you?
?Do you cover up your real feelings by pretending you don't care?
?Does it seem like every holiday is spoiled because of drinking?
?Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking or for what's happening in your home?
?Do you stay out of the house as much as possible because you hate it there?
?Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
?Do you feel nobody really loves you or cares what happens to you?
?Are you afraid or embarrassed to bring your friends home?
?Do you think the drinker's behaviour is caused by you, other members of your family, friends, or rotten breaks in life?
?Do you believe no one could possibly understand how you feel?
?Do you have money problems because of some else's drinking?
?Are meal times frequently delayed because of the drinker?
?Have you considered calling the police because of someone's drinking behaviour?
?Have you refused to attend social occasions out of fear or anxiety?
?Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, all your problems would be solved?