God. I couldn't read all the posts in this thread - it's so painful
My name is [Grace] and I'm an alcoholic, officially. This is going to be an essay! Skip if you're not interested.
The facts are: I've done my 28 days, plus 8 months 'clean' (including Xmas, new year, birthday & hen weekend, yay!) I want to write some of the things I learned from this experience, but first I'd best clarify that I'm no longer sober:-
I drink - not every day, but pretty much, and definitely more than the govt recommends. I had a liver & kidney scan last week (all okay), I don't suffer withdrawal when not drinking and have never caused or attracted trouble because of alcohol. I'm just lucky, I have the british peasant constitution ;)
Now onto a few of my rehab revelations.
Most obviously, it's well worth spending a while off the booze - for the simple reason that, for drinkers like me (maybe your 6-beers-a-night guy), it takes the experience to prove there is absolutely no difference between a night out sober and a night out drunk ... except for the fact you notice how everybody starts repeating themselves!
When I went into the Priory (posh rehab, me!), I had a bit of trouble accepting meals without wine. They had all sorts of juices - and I like to drink a swamp of water every day, anyway - but the habit of wine with lunch & dinner was so ingrained, I felt positively bereft without it.
A lasting benefit of breaking the habit has been that - although I still miss wine at dinner if there is none - it's no longer an essential. And I don't drink at lunchtime these days. If I hadn't had to get used to it, I would never have realised meals are OK without wine (and my scans might not have been clean).
The habit creeps up on you sneakily; you don't realise it's "made you believe" it's necessary until you try life without it. For drinker like me, life without it is just fine. A little bit duller, perhaps, but no major trauma. It's worth doing once in a while, because none of us like to think we've lost our free will ... which is why I picked it up again, but now it's on my terms ;)
My recovery 'classmates' and their families, however, were a real eye-opener in ways I can't begin to describe without crashing MN's server!! There were so many desperate co-dependencies going on there, it was heartbreaking. Some have made it through to sparkly, dependency-free happiness ... but they are few
Lots of addicts use because there is something inside themselves they don't know how to face - applies to me, too, I was just lucky my Dad died at the time when I had other problems and a clever doctor.
Lots of addicts' partners over-empathise with their addict. This became screamingly obvious in the psychological hothouse of rehab, but the partners themselves rarely saw it: in a way, the partners are avoiding their own "don't want to look" problems by adopting their roles as co-addict. It's an addiction in itself, if you like.
If you're "addicted" to your partner's addiction, complain all you like but you're just acting out. Revisit Al-Anon and re-read the detachment page. Find the courage - and the help - to work on your own issues; it's surprising how your rehabilitation will benefit everyone around you (the "therapee miracle", and perfectly logical once you get started).
An addict who changes personality when drunk/high/stoned is NOT a stable personality and, if they ever manage to get clean, you'd better be prepared for a very bumpy ride as their horrific issues start to surface. (That's definitely not Priory credo, btw! It's my observation.)
The horrific issues are NEVER as bad as "the substance" led you to believe. Referring to a drink, a pill, a smoke as if it had an evil personality sounds very weird - but it's a neat shorthand for the effect addiction has on the brain, and it works fine. The "stuff" gently leads you to believe you will turn into a gibbering fuckwit if you don't carry on using. In fact, the worst it can do is hurt you for a few weeks. After that, you will not be a gibbering fuckwit - you'll feel a bit like you've stepped into a cold room with insufficient clothing, but that's the start of recovery. Congratulations!
People keep saying you can't address your ishoos until you're clean. This is, essentially, true. But no decent therapist will refuse to see you while you're still using. It's part of their job to encourage you to come in "cold" after a few weeks (it's part of your job to get there "cold"!)
Co-dependents usually know they are; we just don't like to think about it. Are you the caring one? Is it "always you" who keeps the family together; covers up bad behaviour for your siblings & friends; can't imagine a life without being "needed"? Get thee to a therapist. Fast.
Again and again: revisit Al-Anon, all the other Anons, and every co-dependency website! Actually, find the meetings and go there in person. Encourage your kids to go to Al-ATeen or whatever it's called these days. This stuff DOES matter!!
The solution to every problem lies within ourselves. It's as logical as any cold place, but bears much repeating. You cannot beat "the monster" because there isn't one. There are only unhelpful patterns, and you can change those.
Apologies to everyone I've bored and/or irritated! And I hope I've shed some light, on something, for one reader here
Grace