So many threads like this around.... H left me and the kids today.

[Toothache]

He came home from work, we had an argument about the dishes! He went mental (as is the norm these days). Cut a long story short, he said some disgusting and horrible things to me (in front of the kids). He told me to fuck off into another room and leave him alone.... I politely pointed out that as it was my house..... and everything in it was in my name then he should fuck off. Which he did. He asked me for the bankcard before he left (bank account is in my name only) I said NO WAY as we are going on holiday next week and didn't want him drinking our money. He said "Fine, I'll just borrow it from *** (his friend) and then we'll just ahve to pay him back". I followed him out to the driveway saying he better not go get pissed. He told me to Fuck off again, stuck his fingers up then got in the car. He locked all the doors and continues to shout and stick his fingers up as the neighbours watched on. I was so embarassed I went in the house. He drove off sticking his fingers up at the house as he went. That was at 3.30pm and I've heard nothing. He has DDs pram in the car too.

I've had enough, I want out.

He has had sexual problems recently (putting it mildly) and I shouted something about that its hard to respect someone when they can't get it up..... I know I know its a cheap shot. But her replied "No wonder, look at the thing I've got to shag!". And he means it. Bastard.

The car is even in my name!!! I thought about reporting it stoplen, but I don't have a licence and it's obvious it's a domestic issue. What do I do????

[Toothache]

Batters - I think I do still love him. I have lost a lot of respect for him though. When we're getting along I can't think of me wanting anyone else. But since dd was born he has changed. He knows he has, but he can't explain why either.... except stress from work.

He assures me that he does love me despite what he says in a rage.... but you tell someone that you hate them so many times it becomes much easier to believe. Still have my doubts that I'm just the boobie prize that comes along with the kids, house and car.

[Munchkinola]

Pffffft @ boobie prize

You don't give that impression at all!!!!!

[Misspiggy]

Toothache - so sorry to hear about your awful weekend. I'm feeling a bit stupid cos I posted a pretty banal msg on the Where are you going on holiday? thread about how much you'll love Arran and then came across this. I'm pleased that things have calmed down for you now. Re you learning to drive, I took my first lesson when I was 18, then decided it wasn't for me, tried again when I was 30, passed my test by some kind of miracle and then promptly stopped driving again cos my DP at the time preferred to drive and "didn't trust me behind the wheel" (good for the old confidence eh?) I finally started driving again when I met my now DH who persuaded me that there was no reason why I couldn't drive, restored my confidence and when he saw the state I got in to with the gears, suggested an automatic - I've never looked back (except when reversing of course! ) Its great to not have to rely on other people to get you from A to B and to have the freedom to just jump in the car and go. Book some lessons as soon as you are able and go for it. Believe me, if I can do it, anyone can. And, if things don't work out for you (and I hope they do at least you will have that extra independence.

[stitch]

toothache, i passed my test sixth time round!
so if i can, anyone can.
and im very confident driver now.

[Marina]

So how come I looked at Active Convos at 9 this morning and missed this Toothache
I think you are a brave woman with a lot of guts to give it another go, he is very lucky to have you really. He does sound like he's been an arse this weekend (makes dh's Bank Holiday mini hissy fit about "not getting any time to myself to trim the vine on the shed" even more ridiculous now, I have to say).
I think learning to drive is a good step if you can make it happen financially. I am impressed that you manage with one car, given that you must be in a semi-rural location.
Thinking of you lots and sending you a lot of positive vibes. I'm another old crock supporting you in whatever path you decide to take. I think you deserve better but one could say that of about 75% of Mumsnetters on a regular basis .

[piffle]

I am so sorry I missed this thread, I will read it now but just wanted you to know that I know you have had a rollercoaster of a time with him esp when you were pregnant and I hope you get something back out of this whichever avenue you choose.
Hugs xxxxx

[marthamoo]

Oh toothache - I remember all the financial stuff way back when, I'm so sorry to hear he's still putting you through the wringer. Don't know what to say, or what's for the best - just wanted to say I'm thinking of you.

[Prufrock]

Toothache - I also think you deserve better. You need to seriously think about whether your life is actually made better by having this man in it. And at a time when things are going neither wonderfuly well or terribly horribly. workout whether you are more scared of the unknown future you could have with him, or of stil being with him and posting similar things in 10 years time.

It worries me that you said you could never forgive him for his behaviour this weekend - because I believe you (I wouldn't forgive my dh either). But it seems like there are a few things that have happened which you cannot forgive him for - and they are still smarting, and constantly eroding any respect you had for him. Love without respect will not keep this realtionship going, and whilst he has to not repeat his past mistakes, you have to learn to leave them in the past as well.

[Demented]

Toothache, I've only just seen this, hope you are OK and you and your DH have had some time to talk.

[Kayleigh]

Toothache, how is it going ?

[HRHDuchessofPeahead]

are you OK toothache? x

[Toothache]

Thanks again for all your advice and thoughts. It was my day off today and the weather was fantastic!! Me and my 2 friends took all our kids out for the day. DH was at work so didn't really see him. Things have been..... well back to normal as far as DH is concerned. I'm still holding back and haven't gone near him even for a hug since the weekend. He has tried.

I feel like if I bring up that I'm still hurting then he'll think I'm just trying to start an argument. He is pretending nothing happened..... it's his "bury my head in the sand" tactic!!!

He does feel stupid about it all. I don't want to keep going over and over it and psycho-analyse everything that was said and everything he did.... but I feel like I can't just let it go!!

How do I approach the subject without it resulting in a confrontation??? And what will I achieve (if anything) by bringing it up again? Do I just want to hear him grovelling again??

Just thinking out loud so to speak. I know noone cvan answer those questions, but me.

[bossykate]

hi toothache, how is it going?

[Toothache]

Thanks for thinking of me BK. Just back from holiday today and it was fantastic! We had an argument the 1st day there, but none after that,....and even got intimate a few times!!

It was amazing how well we got on without the stresses of real life..... unfortunately though, its the real life we have to live in so we'll see how it goes from here.

[Blu]

BK - she's just come back from a week away with him - they had sex on the chaise longue!
Glad things sound much better,

[bossykate]

hope it goes really well for you

[Blu]

X posted!

[bossykate]

is it the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly burly of the chaise longue?

[Toothache]