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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

So many threads like this around.... H left me and the kids today.

146 replies

Toothache · 30/04/2005 20:12

He came home from work, we had an argument about the dishes! He went mental (as is the norm these days). Cut a long story short, he said some disgusting and horrible things to me (in front of the kids). He told me to fuck off into another room and leave him alone.... I politely pointed out that as it was my house..... and everything in it was in my name then he should fuck off. Which he did. He asked me for the bankcard before he left (bank account is in my name only) I said NO WAY as we are going on holiday next week and didn't want him drinking our money. He said "Fine, I'll just borrow it from *** (his friend) and then we'll just ahve to pay him back". I followed him out to the driveway saying he better not go get pissed. He told me to Fuck off again, stuck his fingers up then got in the car. He locked all the doors and continues to shout and stick his fingers up as the neighbours watched on. I was so embarassed I went in the house. He drove off sticking his fingers up at the house as he went. That was at 3.30pm and I've heard nothing. He has DDs pram in the car too.

I've had enough, I want out.

He has had sexual problems recently (putting it mildly) and I shouted something about that its hard to respect someone when they can't get it up..... I know I know its a cheap shot. But her replied "No wonder, look at the thing I've got to shag!". And he means it. Bastard.

The car is even in my name!!! I thought about reporting it stoplen, but I don't have a licence and it's obvious it's a domestic issue. What do I do????

OP posts:

Report

tigermoth · 30/04/2005 21:14

really sorry this is going on, definitely agree there's a bruised male ego in there somewhere.

Toothache · 30/04/2005 21:24

Bruised ego... buried under pettyness.... and selfpity....
Makes him sound appealing eh??

Just spoke to my Mum. She certainly didn't offer to help me out if this was it really over!! Just asked how I would manage and said she was proud I was making a stand! Didn't sense any "we'll help you get away from your fanny of a husband" vibes!
Did I expect to?? No probably not.

OP posts:

coppertop · 30/04/2005 21:24

I'm so sorry, Tootache. xx

tigermoth · 30/04/2005 21:25

perhaps she's trying to stay neutral in case you make up - doesn't want to rock the boat, whateve she secretly thinks of him?

Toothache · 30/04/2005 21:29

Tigermoth - I know you're right. I'm not seeing things from a very rational viewpoint at the moment. But you always do.

She has also just started a new job that she won't even book an annual holiday from in case she annoys them! She's a bit like that..... oooooh what will everyone think of me if I book a day off?"!

I'm sure if it came down to it she would help out. I'm just waiting for my friend to arrive, she's late as usual by about an hour... part of her charm eh?!

She's off on a night out and said she'd pop in to see me for a while. Another friend offered to let me and the kids stay with them for the night in case H turned up pissed. But he won't. Its nice to know I have friends on MN and in RL.

OP posts:

whymummy · 30/04/2005 21:35

i'm so sorry toothache
are you sure he won't come back drunk and get really nasty?is your friend staying with you tonight?
sweetkitty i'm sorry too about your H.

Toothache · 30/04/2005 21:40

Thanks Whymummy - Haven't 'spoken' to you in ages!

Nope, he drove 18 miles to be with the only other Scouser in the area... his school pal who is a total prick to his girlfriend. She's forever chucking him out so GOD KNOWS what he's filling H's head with! The good thing is that he's now about 500yrds from my parents, so if I really wanted to find him my Mum would just have to walk round the corner to his pals house, or go into the local pub.
But I don't care..... really I don't. It's not my money he's spending.... the kids are asleep and happy, I'm religiously following my gin diet. All is ...well..... ok.

How are you?

OP posts:

bev1e · 30/04/2005 21:40

I think you would do a far better job being on your own supporting your children without him in your life. A relationship is a two way street - with both of you being able to give and take - but from what you've said here he is doing all the taking and you're doing all the giving. There will come a time (if it hasn't come already) when you will begin to despise him for what he is. I'm not sure that I sense any respect from you towards him but I can certainly understand why.

You must be true to yourself and do what is right for you. Good luck in whatever you decide.

whymummy · 30/04/2005 21:44

i'm fine thanks, not as addicted as before though
you just enjoy your evening and be sure he's going to feel like shit tomorrow morningserves him right

Toothache · 30/04/2005 21:52

Bev1e - You're right, I have absolutely no respect for him. He's good with the kids (when he's not shouting at me!) and they both adore him. But to me he's a total wanker. Can't think of the practicalities of being on my own as I think that is the only reason I have stayed with him. So now I'm thinking straight from the heart. I don't love him, he clearly doesn't love me.... we both love the kids.
Unless he feckin grovels.... he's not even getting in tomorrow! NOOOOOOO WAY is he getting away with this.

Whymummy - HOW can yo unot be as addicted?? Freak??? Don't tell me you have a real life that is more important than MN?? Say it isn't true you Spanish Nutcase... SAY IT??? >distraught emoticon

OP posts:

whymummy · 30/04/2005 21:54

LOL
i do miss our nights in the bar,lol

Toothache · 30/04/2005 21:56

I'm in my own private bar this evening.... H thinks he's having a good night out.... HA he doesn't know what he's missing!

OP posts:

whymummy · 30/04/2005 22:02

get the music on and sing outloud,i've heard you sing on here and you're really good

bev1e · 30/04/2005 22:09

Toothache, go girl and have one for me!

Dior · 30/04/2005 22:30

Message withdrawn

bev1e · 30/04/2005 22:59

Dior, MN is a website intended for Mums hence the title of the website. There never would be a website titled Dadsnet 'cos men just don't talk about these kind of things. I accept that men do have feelings too but how many women do you know that would walk out on their 2 kids to p**s it up at the pub!?

Toothache seems to have financially and emotionally supported him and her family through the entire relationship and although we are only getting Toothache's version of events, isn't that enough? Do you not feel her pain? Her jibes at his masculinity are because she has been hurt.

I hope you don't think this is a personal attack on you because I don't intend it to be. This is a place where women can vent off their anger and frustration. A place where women can feel safe to do so. We're all aware that there are 2 sides to every story.

Uhuru · 30/04/2005 23:14

Toothache - nothing constructive to say except that I hope it all gets better soon - you are in the right place - I've had loads of good advice and more importantly, support from mumsnetters over the last week.

Love to you and yours - all the best

sweetkitty · 30/04/2005 23:23

Sorry toothache just seen your other posts.

My useless DP came in at 10 with a pint of beer in one hand and a bag of chips in the other would be funny if it weren't so tragic. I so love the way when he's upset and needs some time to himself he always manages to find it in a pub - men! It's the way they always walk out and leave you to pick up the pieces at home because they know as women we will always put the kids first and we would never walk out on them.

So they go off have a good few drinks know they will get s* for it the next day but in a few days time everything will be ok again.

I digress - let us know what happens tomorrow will be thinking of you.

Dior · 30/04/2005 23:24

Message withdrawn

LGJ · 30/04/2005 23:28

Dior

Good to see you, keep missing you on here, how is everything ??

Dior · 30/04/2005 23:30

Message withdrawn

bev1e · 30/04/2005 23:32

Dior, Apologies, I didnt think you were a man was just trying to make the point that Toothache was (probably) feeling lonely whilst DH/DP was in the pub surrounded by others. I obviously didn't make my point very clearly.

Didn't mean to take it all away from Toothache. I hope you do what feels right for you, Toothache. Will be thinking of you.

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bev1e · 30/04/2005 23:32

Dior, Apologies, I didnt think you were a man was just trying to make the point that Toothache was (probably) feeling lonely whilst DH/DP was in the pub surrounded by others. I obviously didn't make my point very clearly.

Didn't mean to take it all away from Toothache. I hope you do what feels right for you, Toothache. Will be thinking of you.

Dior · 30/04/2005 23:34

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 01/05/2005 07:00

Toothache, I'm so sorry. In your position I'd absolutely hold on to my job but I think you're doing this anyway.

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