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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So many threads like this around.... H left me and the kids today.

146 replies

Toothache · 30/04/2005 20:12

He came home from work, we had an argument about the dishes! He went mental (as is the norm these days). Cut a long story short, he said some disgusting and horrible things to me (in front of the kids). He told me to fuck off into another room and leave him alone.... I politely pointed out that as it was my house..... and everything in it was in my name then he should fuck off. Which he did. He asked me for the bankcard before he left (bank account is in my name only) I said NO WAY as we are going on holiday next week and didn't want him drinking our money. He said "Fine, I'll just borrow it from *** (his friend) and then we'll just ahve to pay him back". I followed him out to the driveway saying he better not go get pissed. He told me to Fuck off again, stuck his fingers up then got in the car. He locked all the doors and continues to shout and stick his fingers up as the neighbours watched on. I was so embarassed I went in the house. He drove off sticking his fingers up at the house as he went. That was at 3.30pm and I've heard nothing. He has DDs pram in the car too.

I've had enough, I want out.

He has had sexual problems recently (putting it mildly) and I shouted something about that its hard to respect someone when they can't get it up..... I know I know its a cheap shot. But her replied "No wonder, look at the thing I've got to shag!". And he means it. Bastard.

The car is even in my name!!! I thought about reporting it stoplen, but I don't have a licence and it's obvious it's a domestic issue. What do I do????

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 01/05/2005 07:00

Toothache, I'm so sorry. In your position I'd absolutely hold on to my job but I think you're doing this anyway.

Sponge · 01/05/2005 07:54

Really sorry to see this is you Toothache. But I know you've been having oproblems with H and have really known for a while that you don't love him. He can still be a good dad to your kids if you're not together. Maybe a better one because the won't have to witness the destructive rows. Good luck babe.

bloss · 01/05/2005 07:58

Message withdrawn

StuartC · 01/05/2005 08:41

Toothache - has he had any medical tests for his impotence and foul moods? There may be a reason behind the change in him.

ggglimpopo · 01/05/2005 08:47

Message withdrawn

blueteddy · 01/05/2005 09:28

How awful for you toothache.
How are you today?

Toothache · 01/05/2005 09:28

PC died last night!! Great timing!! If there is a God he hates me!

DH didn't come home, or bother phoning. My Mum went around to his friends house this morning.... no car...nobody in. Phoned his friends house and mobile.... no answer.
Phoned his work (he was supposed to be doing some overtime today) they said he had been and gone!!

Don't know where he is. He still has the pram in the car.
He clearly doesn't give 2 shits about his family.

Dior - Thanks for the other perspective, but this is a man who stole my ISA bankcard.... told me it was lost.... hid the statements from me.... then 6mths later I found out he'd been using it as his personal fund.
This is also a man who has told me in front of DS that he hates me and the only way to shut me up is to put a bullet in my head.

Don't know what to do now. I'm going off my head sitting here. Can't even go out as H has the pram and it's pissing with rain. Mum has left for her work.... all my friends are still sleeping after being out last night. What can I do???? I want to scream and break things. I want to lose control and lash out, but I can't. I wonder if H feels like a man now?

OP posts:
Toothache · 01/05/2005 09:32

StuartC - H's sexual problems began 15yrs ago when he had a serious cocaine habit. That was long before I met him. After that his confidence was so shattered that the problem kept arising (HA!!! GREAT PUN!). He went to the GP who recommended counselling. He went on waitnig list and when the appointment arrive... he didn't go. There is nothing physically wrong with him.

Foul temper - He blames on stress at work. Oh and me of course..... everything is my fault.

OP posts:
blueteddy · 01/05/2005 09:33

You poor thing.
Your H sounds like a complete t*sser.
Is your Mum offering you a lot of support?

Toothache · 01/05/2005 09:36

BLueteddy - Not realy.... she has her job to think about after all!

OP posts:
blueteddy · 01/05/2005 09:37

Does she know how bad he is?

Toothache · 01/05/2005 09:39

Yes she does. But she's been married to my Dad... the biggest wanker on earth, for 29 yrs. She great a telling me what she thinks I should do.... but isn't really willing to go out of her way to help me do it.

OP posts:
blueteddy · 01/05/2005 09:44

Poor you.
Have you got any friends around that can offer you support?
From what I have read, it sounds like you are better off rid of this man, but know you must be feeling very scared & lonely right now.
How old are your children?

Toothache · 01/05/2005 09:46

All my friends are still asleep. Very few have children so they were out last night.

Ds is 3yrs 10 months
Dd is 9mths.

All these changes in him have happened since I had dd. We've been together 5.5yrs.... it's never been this bad.

OP posts:
sobernow · 01/05/2005 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toothache · 01/05/2005 09:49

Thanks sobernow.
he didn't take his mobile, I have been texting his friends mobile... the friend he was supposed to staying with. he has now switched off his mobile. H will have relayed the wicked witch of the west story to him and he's blanking me now too.

I am going off my head here.... can't even concentrate on getting the kids dressed... or me.

OP posts:
compo · 01/05/2005 09:50

is there anything near you you could feasibly walk to whilst carrying your youngest? Like a park/field where you could all sit on a rug and have a picnic?

Toothache · 01/05/2005 09:52

Copo - There is. That's where I went last night to distract myself and the kids. But it is totally torrential rain here today. Mirroring my mood!!

OP posts:
blueteddy · 01/05/2005 09:52

Was dd planned?
I had big relationship problems after I had ds2 (who was a very un-planned baby) & we VERY nearly seperated.
Having a child does put a strain on a relationship, but he should not be behaving like this towards you.
The thing is, it starts to really affect the children.
My ds was a similar age when we went through that awful time & is still a very anxious child now (2 years later)
I wish we could help you more.

compo · 01/05/2005 09:54

oh no it's sunny down South at the mo (sorry that's probably not what you want to hear!!)

sobernow · 01/05/2005 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toothache · 01/05/2005 09:55

Blueteddy - yes dd was planned. Probably more by me then H. He tends to go along with things then... when it's too late he casts up that he it was never his decision. He totally cops out of any responsibility.

How have I ended up in this mess???? I was so determined not to end up like my Mum. And here I am, miserable and alone and pathetic.

You are helping, this is helping. Its better than staring out of the window waiting.

Don't know what will happen if/when he comes back. Dont' know what to do...or say.

OP posts:
sobernow · 01/05/2005 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

compo · 01/05/2005 09:56

I agree, it's time to ring friends and let them rally around you with support

sobernow · 01/05/2005 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.