So many threads like this around.... H left me and the kids today.

[Toothache]

He came home from work, we had an argument about the dishes! He went mental (as is the norm these days). Cut a long story short, he said some disgusting and horrible things to me (in front of the kids). He told me to fuck off into another room and leave him alone.... I politely pointed out that as it was my house..... and everything in it was in my name then he should fuck off. Which he did. He asked me for the bankcard before he left (bank account is in my name only) I said NO WAY as we are going on holiday next week and didn't want him drinking our money. He said "Fine, I'll just borrow it from *** (his friend) and then we'll just ahve to pay him back". I followed him out to the driveway saying he better not go get pissed. He told me to Fuck off again, stuck his fingers up then got in the car. He locked all the doors and continues to shout and stick his fingers up as the neighbours watched on. I was so embarassed I went in the house. He drove off sticking his fingers up at the house as he went. That was at 3.30pm and I've heard nothing. He has DDs pram in the car too.

I've had enough, I want out.

He has had sexual problems recently (putting it mildly) and I shouted something about that its hard to respect someone when they can't get it up..... I know I know its a cheap shot. But her replied "No wonder, look at the thing I've got to shag!". And he means it. Bastard.

The car is even in my name!!! I thought about reporting it stoplen, but I don't have a licence and it's obvious it's a domestic issue. What do I do????

[Toothache]

Never done what before, Sobernow???

[anorak]

Hi Toothache. I don't know what to say really, but had to post something just to say I am sorry you have to deal with this and I do feel for you. If DH never changes his ways you may as well cut your losses, sadly. Some people will take everything you have to give and then resent you for being more capable than they are. Perhaps if he has to fend for himself for a while it might be the making of him.

In the meantime there is no doubt about your ability to cope, thankfully. You always sound very strong and capable, however tough things are. Your deserve more support and I think you should make sure you don't accept anything less, from DH or anyone else. xxx

[blueteddy]

He sounds a very immature man to me.
Wish I lived nearer to you, as I have 4 pushchairs & would give one to you, so that you could get out today.

[blueteddy]

I agree with what anorack has just said.
Don't let him get away with what he has done to you.

[breeze]

OMG mate, I am so so sorry to hear this. I am going out now but if you need a chat, jsut text me and I will phone you.

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

[Toothache]

Thanks everyone. It's always good to vent on MN. Still hasn't contacted me.

Breeze - Good to hear from you again! I got your text just as I was starting to type this. Thanks mate... I'll speak to you later on.

I feel totally under his control just now and thats rrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally pissing me off. How DARE he treat his family like this. I've a good mind to phone his mother. I'm a tad concerned as to where he is.... I'm worried he's borrowed money and is travelling down to Liverpool to stay at his folks house. Nothing would surprise me about the extremes he will go to now.

[ggglimpopo]

Message withdrawn

[SoupDragon]

Bum. Didn't realise this was you, Toothache I don't have anything constructive to say but sending lots of cod-despised virtual hugs your way.

[WideWebWitch]

gggl, that's a really good idea. Have you thought about that toothache? It would change your life. As Bloss says, you're in a good position. I know it prob doesn't feel like it atm but ykwim.

[tabitha]

Hi Toothache,

sorry your having such a crap time and that your dh is being such a w@*ker!!!!
I can't think of anything to add - I'm totally crap at relationship advice anyway - but I just wanted to say that you have my sympathy and I hope, that whatever you decide to do, things get better.

P.S. Think that learning to drive is a great idea - it probably would make your life much easier.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[bev1e]

Just wanted to say hello, Toothache, and sorry to hear he didn't make some attempt at an apology overnight. Thinking of you.

[lou33]

Toothache, I have one like that, sympathies to you, hope it is resolved soon xx

[mears]

No constructive advice Toothache - just sorry you are having such a bad time

[Newbarnsleygirl]

Sorry things are crap for you atm.

I hope you manage to sort things out.

[Toothache]

He arrived home at 11am. Not sorry he left, told me he was only home to see the kids. He hugged and kissed them loads, then proceeded to tell me that doesn't even like me let alone love me.... I'm a horrible person and he can't stand being in the same room as me. I asked him to leave.... he packed some things and left saying he would maybe pop in to see the kids tomorrow. He refused to talk about any of the practicalities of him leaving... ie Work, money etc.
He said he's going to sleep in the car until he can arrange something else. Then he added that I could sell the car.

I did take lessons, but got really frightened so gave up. We could only afford to put one of us through the driving lessons so H stepped up. I can learn to drive, but can't afford the £18 per hour for lessons at the moment (and certainly not as a single parent).

The second he left I fell to pieces. Why am I not strong??? I don't know if I want to be with him, but I do know that I don't want to be alone. My Mum was next to useless on the phone and told me to pull myself together.

I'm not as strong as I thought.... I don't feel like I'm even functioning at the moment. Ds keeps asking why I'm crying.

what a mess

[breeze]

Hopefully after a few days things will calm down, people do say things in the heat of the moment, and a lot of the time they are not true. Sorry that you mum wasn't much help, do you have anyone near that can pop in and keep you company.

[lou33]

is this the first time he has done this?

[whymummy]

hi toothache,i'm so sorry you're going through this,i thought he'll come back and you would talk and sort things out,try and stay strong,you're both still very angry,maybe in a couple of days you can both sit down and talk.
lol x

[weesaidie]

What a b***d! Sorry I have nothing more reassuring to say.

Tbh it sounds like you will be better off without him although I am sure it doesn't seem like that right now!

I feel so bad for you, I just can't believe he would treat you so callously, I mean surely even if he does no longer love you he should at least treat you with respect! You deserve far far better.

Keep your chin up and don't let him get to you. Or at least, don't let him realise he has got you!

[weesaidie]

Hmmm

was that a little harsh?? I am sure it may work out between you. He just doesn't seem to appreciate you at all, hopefully if you stay together that will change.]

Otherwise, f**k him!

[bosscat]

can you get some help for a couple of days with the kids? If you could just get a bit of help you could think clearly. Its going to be so hard to try and hold it together for the kids otherwise. I don't know anything about your relationship with your Mum but what would she say if you said "I need you now for 2-3 days" or even just the day? Would she say no? what about friends? Can you get someone to come and give you some help even if they have got kids of their own they could bring them too. You will feel stronger if you have someone else there I am sure. What do you think?

[gothicmama]

you are strong stop worrying about prcticalities at the moment they sap your energy concentrate on getting on with your life and deal with on epracticality at a time often taht way solutions become obvious

[expatinscotland]

Get him out of your life is what you do. Honestly, Toothache, you and your kids deserve better than some bloke who pours money meant for his kids and family down his throat. And HELL yes I'd report that car stolen. If he gets pissed and has an accident and YOU are the car's keeper, things could go pear shaped for you.

Also, from your other posts it sounds like he's an alcoholic. Go to Al-Anon meetings and find the strength to move on from alcoholism.