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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please help my husband left today

1001 replies

fadingaway · 01/05/2009 19:28

11th August would have been our Silver wedding anniversary.

We have 5 children.

I was at work. My 11 year old rang me in floods of tears. He had taken the two youngest to nursery, left a note saying he would always love them, and just went. Left a note for me saying he's been seeing someone else for two years.

I have nobody in RL, I only had him. The younger children just keep asking for daddy, the older ones are in bits. I would have laid down my life for him. Please help me. I don't think I can cope with this. His phone is off. I don't have a clue where he is.

OP posts:
oliviasmama · 02/05/2009 22:20

....to your first thread, not your second

Original poster
fadingaway · 02/05/2009 22:22

I just want him to come home. I texted him and said please contact the kids I don't care about anything else please contact them.

II don't even have the bottle to kill myself do I.

OP posts:
howtotellmum · 02/05/2009 22:23

I do feel for you- but hey- you would be so much better sharing this in real life.

Get in touch with Relate and cry your heart out with a good counsellor.

In the meantime, why can't you phone one of your friends who live away from you?

I am sorry- but I am afraid there is just al ittle bit of doubt in my mind over this theread. Sorry- and I hope I am wrong and you are ok.

tigana · 02/05/2009 22:23

It's not about bottle.
It's about being there for your DSs 4th birthday.
Samaritans.

oliviasmama · 02/05/2009 22:27

Imagine that....My Daddy left us and my Mummy killed herself.......kinda sad dont you think?

howtotellmum · 02/05/2009 22:30

Have you no one who cancome round to be with you?

If my friends needed me, I'd be there, even if I had to drive 100s miles.

Can't you phone someone? They will have to know sometime.

oliviasmama · 02/05/2009 22:30

Hottotellmum - you think it's trolling?

oliviasmama · 02/05/2009 22:30

howtotellmum

Original poster
fadingaway · 02/05/2009 22:31

you doubt me? wake up call. I have a bottle in front of me and I have been drinking out of it. Why doubt me? I am not a troll.

I don't have anyone in RL. For anyone who does this is doubtless hard to understand. I am in self-pitying mode because I have had a drink, which is not normally me. But please. Do not suggest this is not real. My husband of 25 years has upped and left me. How can anyone think I would make this up?

OP posts:
GossipMonger · 02/05/2009 22:33

FA is obviously in crisis.

If you doubt her then dont post.

There is no reason at all to think she is a troll.

izyboy · 02/05/2009 22:34

I have looked at your previous threads fading and you appear to be very genuine.

Notquitegrownup · 02/05/2009 22:35

FA - I don't doubt you at all. I would be in exactly the same position as you.

Thinking of you.

oliviasmama · 02/05/2009 22:35

I think that this is so dreadful that some people maybe are finding it hard to comprehend. You have a lot of support here Fadingaway.

izyboy · 02/05/2009 22:37

It really pisses me off this 'troll' thing just leave the thread if you think that, keep your opinions to yourself. It is so pointless.

Original poster
fadingaway · 02/05/2009 22:38

I am normally a normal person IYSWIM. But what happened yesterday has virtually killed me anyway. Please. I am for real. If I had anyone. But I don't. Mumsnet is my anyone. It sounds crap but it's true. My parents are dead. I have no siblings. My close friends I left behind me in London when I married in 1984. DH and I were insular. I admit it. I never needed anyone else. But I do now because he has gone.

OP posts:
reducedfatkettlechip · 02/05/2009 22:41

FA, pour the bottle away if you can't trust yourself not to drink it all and keep posting or phone the Samaritans if you need someone "real" to talk to.

You will get through this, you aren't the weak, worthless person, he is. It might take you some time to recognise this, but you will get there.

Original poster
fadingaway · 02/05/2009 22:42

thank you for believing me. I am not a troll.I'm really not. I am just dying here. What amI going to do he's my whole life why won't hecome home I will do anything

OP posts:
izyboy · 02/05/2009 22:43

fading I understand 'cos your description could be me given the right circs. I feel for you. My only advice is see CAB and get the financials sorted out asap. You carry on typing and ignore the 'troll' criers they are absolute idiots.

oliviasmama · 02/05/2009 22:45

Keep posting fadingaway, there is genuine support for you and also good advice....and if you haven't finished the bottle yet pour it down the sink. You'll feel grim tomorrow if you drink it all.

KiwiKat · 02/05/2009 22:46

FA, there is every possibility that your dh may realise that being with the ow full time just isn't as exciting as he'd hoped - often the main attraction of an affair is the fact that it's forbidden and secret. Once you're doing the dishes together etc, that normality can shine a completely new light on a relationship, and many that started off as affairs don't last the distance. Which means that there's every possibility he could come crawling back to you, and that's when you will need to decide whether you take him back or not. Don't make that decision now - there may be a fair amount of water under the bridge before this point, but be aware that him asking to come back is a very possible scenario.

Which obviously won't be likely to happen if you do yourself in. Concentrate on getting through each day - one of my favourite quotes is from Dory in Finding Nemo - "Just keep swimming, keep on swimming".

You may find yourself in a position to turn him down when he comes crawling back, and you will need to be STRONG to make the best decision if that happens.

silkcushion · 02/05/2009 22:48

I can understand what you're saying FA about becoming insular. It is very easily done especially when you move areas. No idea why people are struggling to understand that - ignore their shitty comments.

Mumsnet is a valuable source of support and I'm glad you've turned to it. I can also understand why it is easier to "talk" to us than RL people.

I had a marriage end after only 4 years together and not in such a shocking way and we didn't have kids. I found myself in shock and disbelief and sobbing into a pillow at night. I also would never have told anyone else how I felt (not saying that's right).

Can't imagine how you must be feeling. Wanted to know there are many of us who care and are here for you in any small way we can be.

Original poster
fadingaway · 02/05/2009 22:48

Thank you. I have drunk far too much. This hurts me more than I could believe. He hasn't replied to my texts. All I can think is that he is with her now and they are shagging or something and if they are doing what we used to do. Touching her like he did me. I cannot bear this.

OP posts:
tigana · 02/05/2009 22:48

He is not your whole life.
I would strongly argue a single woman is still alive.
You have 5 lives to be part of as well as your own...what's that cheesy line in some film about being the lead role in your own life story....? On you go!

numal · 02/05/2009 22:50

Please go to bed and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and your children need you more that ever. Where is your eldest daughter tonight? You will get through this because you are a strong woman. Bide your time as oliviasmama says.

oliviasmama · 02/05/2009 22:50

But dont live for that moment as I did, he may not come back. I waited for the return for 3 years, he never came and I'm delighted now that he didn't but at the time it was emotionally draining

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