please help my husband left today

[fadingaway]

11th August would have been our Silver wedding anniversary.

We have 5 children.

I was at work. My 11 year old rang me in floods of tears. He had taken the two youngest to nursery, left a note saying he would always love them, and just went. Left a note for me saying he's been seeing someone else for two years.

I have nobody in RL, I only had him. The younger children just keep asking for daddy, the older ones are in bits. I would have laid down my life for him. Please help me. I don't think I can cope with this. His phone is off. I don't have a clue where he is.

Fading, dont stop posting, we are all here for you. Ignore the odd balls!!! Just keep going, taking each day as it comes and was great to hear you actually got some sleep. Good on yer. Keep going girl!

I wish I could ask MN to delete these very hurtful posts, but what's the point? You've seen it FA and it has hurt you. Something else to add to the pain. Something else we can do nothing about to make it better, however much we would wish that these things had been unsaid.

You are in our prayers, FA, several members of the prayer thread have posted on here and we will go on supporting you as long as you need us.

If you want us to, that is.

mrssceptic you've obviously been lucky enough never to have been bereaved or be in a state of shock. That is what fadingaway is dealing with here and she HAS to cope for the sake of her DC.

if you cannot help us by being constructive then take your concerns elsewhere and let us support her - there are ways and means of raising concerns like yours and crushing someone who has reached out for help isn't one of them. In the meantime your input is neither helpful, required or wanted and might I politely suggest you'd be better off back at the previous forums you used to be on if troll hunting is what you're after. You've raised your concerns, we're ignoring them, now off you pop like a good girl.

fadingaway I'm glad you've managed to speak to your Dr and told a few more people. Regardless of how you are coping a reali life kind word won't go amiss. Well done on managing to sleep too, I hope its helped you feel a bit stronger today

and if you're absolutely sure that FA is a troll why change your name when saying it? either have the courage of your convictions or say nothing

oh go away sceptic or should that be septic.

having gone thru what fa is going thru, I can say that there is no right or wrong way to 'be'.

The first thing i said to my dh when he said he didn't want me anymore was 'but what about all the photos', these were teasured albums we had put together about our only then 2 yr old.

It was a bizarre thing to say.

you miserable cow.

Fading,
I have only just found this thread and wanted to add my support.

I just wanted to say a few things
First: Please don't let your children think that this is because their Dad is mad at you. He is a grown up and has chosen his behaviour. His behaviour. Doesn't mean they will hate him.

• Please, please go see someone. Please. It may be hard at first, but you need to find a way to put some of this burden down, and counselling/samaritans are very good for that.

• I know its hard, but when your are worried about what they are doing, that is precious energy that needs to be spent looking after yourself and your children.

Things will get better.
Take Care

FA - so pleased that you slept some last night. Focusing your mind on something else in the middle of the night, as TBCoalman suggested is a good idea. I would make a cup of tea/take it back to bed and then did lists based around the alphabet - a list of animals beginning with each letter, a list of places to go on holiday, a list of children's names - nothing too taxing, just stops the brain whirling.

Have you managed to eat a little something today, or got hold of one of those nutritious drinks for slimmers, to sip? Sipping squash is good too - even better if you can have a bite of bread and butter with it

Good idea to keep on working too, if you want to, though you may want to treat yourself and your ds to the odd Friday off, to celebrate getting through the week together.

Thinking of you.

I think it is absolute bollocks to think that someone is a troll just because their first posts appear calm and collected. We all react differently when in shock and it feels mean spirited to think otherwise. I know when dd2 was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour (thankfully was benign when she had operation)I was very calm and organised until the shock wore off.

FA your pain comes across in your messages. If you feel posting here helps please continue to post.

Urgh... just logged on to check FA was okay and had to read tht revolting post from mrssceptic. Jeez.

What a nasty post. I can assure you 'septic' (LOL at Ididntraiseathief) that watching my mum go through something very similar convinces me that the cold and detached tone of FA's posts is entirely plausible.

You change your name, run in and say something nasty and then run out shouting 'say what you want, I'm not going to respond'. How very mature and astute of you.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Hope you're doing okay FA. Thinking of you xx

I've been watching this thread for a few days but haven't posted because I didn't have anything to add to what the others have said but since I read MrsSceptic's post I felt I needed to post.

I have thought about you most mornings since this terrible thing happened to you and go straight to this thread to read how you are. I can't begin to imagine how you feel but wanted to let you know that as well as those posting on the thread their are many others reading who genuinely care about how you are. I would hope that if I were to suffer such a trauma in the future that people would care.

Sending you a big hug.

ok ok ok- I take it back.

No need to keep drawing FA attention to my posts is there? It's not as if there have never been trolls, is it? I won't be the 1st or the last to post something like that on MN.

And yes, to whoever asked, I have been hurt very badly.

I see that FA is a regular, and not just a one-off poster, though the name made me think that.

Sorry FA- hope you are coping today and sorry I made the wrong assumption.

FA - just keep swimming. x

FA i have just read through the whole thread and i am so for you...... do ignore those sadsacks who say you are a troll! They obviously have perfect lives and sit back and pick out who they think are trolls!!! I will keep posting and see how you are!!

I feel so sorry for you, I havent posted before as my dh had an affair and didnt leave and I thought it would be innappropriate to post.
I too acted in a weird way, I have 5 kids they all went to school, nursery etc, my house was clean, I didnt eat and lost a stone in 3 weeks but I carried on. I just didnt feel hungry and the pit in my stomach made it impossible to eat. I had alot of support but my mind never switched off. Bizarrely the weirdest thing upon finding out about the affair was to have sex with him. That just goes to show how messed up my mind was. Its like grief, people react in different ways, theres no right or wrong. When my dad finally passed away with cancer me and my mum were chatting to the undertakers like old friends!!! Very weird indeed, our mind acts in strange ways to cope. I think your doing so well.

He's a fool, he will regret it and in my experience he will want back in. The grass is never greener just different

Well FA would have to be a pretty determined troll to keep getting up at 2am and posting!

Hope today going as well as can be expected FA. What did your H say in his text to you? Keep posting

I am still at work. I am going to get through to 5.30pm.

I need to tell what DH has said in various texts and I will come back tonight when littlest DD and DS in bed.

Thank you all, so much, again for your understanding and thoughts. I am a very lucky person to be on the receiving end of these posts.

You deserve every kindness we can send you.

You totally deserve the posts and support. Glad you got a bit of sleep!

debs05, got it right, it is like a bereavement, and gp's and counsellors I have had contact with agree.

It is like one in a different way tho, it has it's own type of shock effect.

Well done for getting through another day, and dont worry about how you are 'meant' to react.

I did some really strange things - and as for the swearing i didnt even know i knew some of those words.

Do try and get some help - even from stangers - you can always pay them back later. There really are some lovely people out there and sometimes just something simple can really help.

Have you thought about your legal rights yet? The rules have changed now and you cant rely on your h in any area.

Take care and try and spoil yourself in some way today.

Keep swimming, FA. Keep swimming.

Are you there Fading? We need to know how you are doing ...

Hi FA, just popping by to see how things are.

did you try the site someone mentioned a few pages back? the poster recommended it twice, i had a quick look, i think it could help. im sure they would take you seriously, and offer support.

Have you managed to get out in the fresh air today? you mentioned somewhere you have a garden (or did i imagine it) what about planning a picnic out there with the DC at the weekend? how are the children?
how are you?

are you religious? have you thought about going to church? there will be a sunday school for DC, and fellowship for you...well, it works for me.

Goodnight dear, sleep well.

Really hope that your are coping today FA. IMO this is worse that a bereavement. At least if he had died then there would be sympathy and the legal situation would be so much easier.

Stay strong and if you can, please post soon.

I have the small ones away to bed.I have tidied up, put away last night's ironing, fed the dog and... the night stretches out in front of me.

Today I don't feel well in myself. I am very cold and I have lots of those little ulcers in my mouth. I must look like shit.

All I have thought about today is going to bed tonight. It seems like my little sanctuary now, me and my hot water bottle.

The DCs seem fine and I am hoping that is testament to how I am dealing with this. There have been no more tears than usual, although DS is waking more through the night.

Colleagues and my FIL are in "take him for everything he's got" mode. I don't want anything, except him to come back to his children. He texted me that he wants to see them.

It's a whole week tomorrow since this happened and if anything it feels worse now than it did then.