please help my husband left today

[fadingaway]

11th August would have been our Silver wedding anniversary.

We have 5 children.

I was at work. My 11 year old rang me in floods of tears. He had taken the two youngest to nursery, left a note saying he would always love them, and just went. Left a note for me saying he's been seeing someone else for two years.

I have nobody in RL, I only had him. The younger children just keep asking for daddy, the older ones are in bits. I would have laid down my life for him. Please help me. I don't think I can cope with this. His phone is off. I don't have a clue where he is.

and I want him to come and see the DDs and DS. I want to see him.I shouldn't, but I do.

I want this all to go away and it is such a mess.

I hurt. There is just a big pain everywhere.

STD check is a sensible idea.
Glad she was sympathetic and hope the pills help.

You're doing so well fa.

Unfortunately the pain will be there for a while yet but you learn to deal with it.

It will hurt like hell when you see him but it will pass.

Glad you are ok. You have gotton through another day. Well done.

Sleep well. x

Fading - I just wanted to send you some 'stay strong' vibes.

I have read the beginning of the thread and the last few pages (I'm sorry I can't read anymore just at the moment) and I honestly feel sick for you. I wish I could be telling you face to face how this is not your fault, it is HIS fault. HE has been a weak, spineless, bastard who has shown little regard for your feelings, the childrens feelings or your relationship. HE should have told you he wasn't happy, HE should have done something constructive not destructive.

As others have said, all you need to do is get through it, hang on in there... screw the housework, ironing etc etc unless it keeps you 'busy' and helps you.

I understand the wanting to see him and wanting to make it all better.... honest to god I wish I could take this pain away from you.

I am going for a shower and then to bed as have to be up early tomorrow.

I thought I would feel better than I did last Friday but this just keeps hitting me over and over and over again.

But no doubt I will be back at two in the morning because I can't sleep.

Please give yourself a chance. It hasnt been a week yet and you are being so strong.
You have sent the children to school dressed and with food in thier bellies
You have been to work and have obviously been doing a good job as they havent sent you home.
You have taken the first step to recovery, seeing the GP. An STD check involves the same process as having a smear taken. Nothing too horrible but I understand the whole situation is shit for you.

You are allowed to be angry you know. Find some strength from the anger.
You should be so very proud of yourself.
I hope you get a bit more sleep tonight.

So pleased that the doc was helpful. I know the doc helped my mum through her similar situation.

I hope that that fact that you last posted at 22.58pm means that you slept last night, fadingaway and that you weren't pacing the house at 2am.

What did the doc say about eating something? I agree with the earlier poster who said to put some strawberries, plain yoghurt, apple juice, banana and some honey in a blender and to try and sip at it slowly.

YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS - JUST TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Glad that the doc's went well fading, as we didn't hear from you at 2 this morning I'm really hoping your little boy slept well. Be guarded when you see your DH, I too really wanted to see my XH, I thought somehow we'd be able to make things better if I saw him but it was horrible, we were both extremely uncomfortable which in itself I found to be devastating, that we could have spent so many years together and have got to that. Just be careful, it's so hard.

Yay Fading - you didn't come on at 2am. I hope that means you slept. Well done for going to the Dr.

Little things like the text will knock you back, but slowly slowly you will feel better.

I am going to say the unsayable. Shoot me down if you want to, but I am not going to respond.

I have been lurking and I still am not convinced this is real.
For these reasons: FA started her post in a very controlled, almost detatched way- giving the date of their anniversary. Could you have done that if you were distraught?
She has not answered lots of the questions everyone has been asking- such as has she told her daughter, what work does she do, can she take time off (if not, why not?) has she contacted her DCs school, has she spoken to anyone in RL, called the Samaritans, and- most importantly- reached out to MNs locally who are bending over backwards to help her?
Also, how can you possibly function at work if you have not eaten for 3 days, or slept? And who would focus on the washing and ironing? It doesn't add up for me.
I hope for the sake of everyone who has been so kind to her that she is real, but there are some very odd people out there, and I for one am not wholly convinced. Sorry.

Mrssceptic

If you don't think this is plausible then why bother posting at all.

It is possible the op thinks this is just a bad dream and her dh will come back thats why she is trying to carry on as normal.

She sounds a very proud woman who doesn't want to offload to just anyone and phoning the samaritans has a bit of a stigma to it (though it shouldn't).

As for not eating, if she is drinking tea that will probably keep her going for a while. I often detox and drink water only for days.

Mrssceptic, just do a search for some earlier posts of Fadingaway. You will see she uses the same measured tone over earlier difficult circumstances in exactly the same way. Just ...go, please and let us get on with doing the best we can

MrsS - I must be unreal too, then, because this is just how I would react to such devestation: some detatchment and denial, but stomach in knots and not eating - and it is possible to function for a lot longer than 3 days not eating, when you are under stress, believe me. Sometimes doing the washing and ironing and the basics is what keeps you sane when you can't focus on anything else.

Posh - Im with you on this, but I havnt been a member for very long and I for one cannot understand why anyone would want to put on a post like this if it wasnt for real? what would that person get out of it? maybe Im being very naive, does that happen? are there some sick people out there who would 'bother' to do that?

One final post on this for the last poster- I have belonged to other forums in the past- not parenting or mums - and there have been people who have constructed entire fantasy lives and kept it going for months, only to be "outed" later. Why do they do it? Usually out of boredom and wanting attention.

Maybe FA is real- but I have come across others who aren't.

I can see why you all think she is real, but I am reserving judgement on this one.

atterul, I was referring to why Mrssceptic bothered posting.

But then we may both be a bit naive but I don't think so in this case.

I too have been lurking, but after reading Mrssceptic's post, felt I had to post.

Mrssceptic - who are you to ask these questions? Of course someone can function after 3 days with no food - millions do in other parts of the world. She has spoken about her work, in this and in previous posts. Who has the right to decide what is appropriate/normal behaviour in these awful circumstances? Not you! Even if you have been throught the EXACT same circumstances, which I doubt, your personality, upbringing etc etc, mean that you wouldn't react in the same way to other people going through this. So don't judge. Really, if you can't find something supportive or relevant to say, best all round to just say nothing.

My heart goes out to fadingaway, I cannot possibly imagine the pain you must be feeling. I am so impressed with the courage and dignity you have shown. He is such a fool, and I am sure he will realise that one day.

mrsceptic, I was not going to post on this thread as there are many people offering her wonderful advice here. However, your last sentence stirred me into response: "reserving judgement" Ha! What a joke. Your previous post is hardly reserving judgement. You have dissected her posting style, laid out point by point criticisms of this woman and made it very clear what you think. Heartless and unnecessary - also a little deluded if you think you are reserving judgement.
If you don?t like what you are reading but have no proof one way or another, why not just walk away and allow others to make up their own minds. If there is a tiny possibility of her telling the truth, it is clear she is going through hell and needs judgemental, accusatory posts based on psuedo analytical thinking like she needs a hole in the head. Just because this is a faceless forum does not mean posts go without consequences. If this woman is feeling as vulnerable and alone as I believe, your post was nothing short of a verbal smack in the face. Shame on you.

Hi fading, hope you managed to get some sleep last night. I'm glad the GP was sympathetic, it is going to be a long, hard process, but you WILL get there. One day you WILL feel 'normal' again, happy even.

He is a swine, but I know that won't help you.

FWIW, it was your controlled, almost detatched first post which hit a nerve with me and led me to first post my support. Remended me so, so much of my friend. She kept on saying how she used to be normal too. She got through it, and you will.

She recommends you try remembering all the names of the children in each class of each year you were at school, and all the teachers names if you can't sleep.

Take care, x

FA - I hope that all the support and caring on this thread overrides the two judgemental responses you have received. You mentioned earlier about walking away if you felt people didn?t believe you. However, you have also said that you have little support in RL. Please, please do not allow this minority of heartless comments stop you from letting people her support you. You are clearly having a bad time right now and in your position I would find RL much harder than somewhere like mn. I am a reserved person and would cringe in RL if anyone tried to offer me sympathy in your position so would rely heavily from forum support like this where the more faceless yet warm and genuinely caring responses are easier to cope with. Keep posting if it helps and keep going. You will get through this.

I have told the scools, and the nursery. My eldest DD knows, what I havne't done is asked her to come and be with me because there is nothing she can do and just for now I can't find it to be strong for her too if she gets upset.

I can take time off work, I have chosen not to. Being at home in an empty house is unthinkable,unless am I suppsed to take the DDs and DS out of school and nursery to be with me. i think I said I want to keep normal for the DDs and DC and me working is that normality. I do not have anyone in RL, apart from my doctor and I have now spoken to her. I have details of the samaritans but I have chosen not to contact them. Local MNers have been very kind, but my lowest times are evenings and nights. I cannot expect anyone I do not know to physically be present with me then.

I have to wash and iron. My DDs and DC need to be clothed. I cannot do nothing.

My DH texted me last night.

I took the tablet from the doctors and slept until 5.00am.

I don't think I should post any more if people think I am a troll. That is too hurtful.

mrs sceptic - you may be right. in which case, the worst that has happened is that many kind mumsnetters have "wasted" a little time, energy, thoughts and prayers on a stranger. i guess we all are willing to take that risk

but you may be wrong. and a woman who is struggling to get through each day in great pain and shock has reached out for help to a virtual community and been disbelieved and called a troll

so why don't you give her the benefit of the doubt? you may need support from mumsnetters someday yourself

sorry fading away, cross posted

i'm glad you slept a bit

please go on posting if it helps. lots of mumsnetters have been in a similar situation and just want to reach out and help you any way they can

fadingaway, don't stop posting, we all believe you, there are just some nasty and weird people on MN sometimes.

IGNORE THEM. Think how many wonderful and suppportive posts there are on here versus only 2 weirdos who doubt you. please gain strength from all of the other women who have been there before and got through it. Really am thinking of you and you sound like an incredibly strong woman, your children are very lucky to have you.