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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please help my husband left today

1001 replies

fadingaway · 01/05/2009 19:28

11th August would have been our Silver wedding anniversary.

We have 5 children.

I was at work. My 11 year old rang me in floods of tears. He had taken the two youngest to nursery, left a note saying he would always love them, and just went. Left a note for me saying he's been seeing someone else for two years.

I have nobody in RL, I only had him. The younger children just keep asking for daddy, the older ones are in bits. I would have laid down my life for him. Please help me. I don't think I can cope with this. His phone is off. I don't have a clue where he is.

OP posts:
oliviasmama · 06/05/2009 13:50

No it isn't at all - I went to my docs with that thought and I just collapsed into an emotional wreck, my fabulous doctor listened and listened, he played a major role in my "come back". Tell them exactly how it is, they're there to help you....let them.

Longtalljosie · 06/05/2009 13:51

If you do have to speak to a receptionist you don't have to tell her anything personal. Say, "I've had a terrible family catastrophe and am not coping. I haven't slept or eaten for three days and my friends are begging me to make an emergency appointment". Any more than that, is none of their business. All they need to do is ascertain you're not booking for a papercut or similar.

poshtottie · 06/05/2009 14:06

It is none of the receptionists business.

And you will not be making a fool of yourself. I remember how moritified I felt when the doctor had to examine my piles, then I just thought he has seen it all before.

Remember what I said earlier, if you want to ring me I am here anytime. My dh is away for four months (though is home this weekend)

Is there any other practical things you need doing. Please let us know.

We are here to help you. Wish I was closer. I have family in Stanley.

atterual · 06/05/2009 14:11

Good luck this afternoon Fading, just tell the doc whats happened and they will help you. I know you will come away from there feeling better for just having told someone in RL. We are all rooting for you and will be here later when you are ready to talk again.
Lots of love and hugs to you.

Original poster
fadingaway · 06/05/2009 14:12

I will come back tonight when the Littlest DD and DS are in bed.

Thank you again.Very much.

OP posts:
atterual · 06/05/2009 14:18

We are all here for you Fading, i will say again, if you want my number so that you just have someone to talk to in RL, then please please let me know. Im along way from you, but no distance at all on the telephone.

mrsboogie · 06/05/2009 14:20

fadingaway if your husband had dropped dead suddenly you probably wouldn't be embarrassed or worried about looking a fool or telling people. You would simply tell people and let them help you. Well, what has happened is almost as great a shock isn't it?
Your life was blown apart in one afternoon, your husband has suddenly disappeared out of your lives and left you grieving with your grieving children. For God's sake don't worry about what people will think or say - you need and deserve help to deal with this and you must accept it.

KristinaM · 06/05/2009 15:21

hope things go ok at doctors

i just wanted to say that i am full of admiration for you - that you can still look after your kids and go to work. i was in a similar situation with only one child and i could barely care for her, let alone go to work or do the ironing

you are obviously a very strong woman, even though you don't feel it right now.soon you will be able to tap into that strength again and do all the practical things you need to do, like see a lawyer and sort out the paperwork

please do not waste your energy trying to work out how things will be in 5 years or what your ex is doing with the OW or how you can arrange contact with the kids. yes he has and will hurt them, I'm sorry but you cant fix that for them, you will just have to be there for them.

your emotional energy is a scarce resource right now - please spend it on looking after yourself. Your emotional and physical health needs to be your priority right now.

bigbluewhale · 06/05/2009 15:32

Fadingaway

Please don't worry about 'making a fool' of yourself at the doctors. Health professionals are used to seeing people at the lowest points of their lives, when they are at their most vulnerable. If your Doctor is not sympathetic then that reflects more about him/her than it does about you. My DH is a GP and he sees people with major family / relationship problems all the time.

I hope you get the appropriate support - you may find your GP or HV can give you support and space to talk etc and because they are not emotionally involved themselves you may find that they are easier to talk to. Thinking of you x

tribpot · 06/05/2009 17:40

Fantastic post from UA again, and everyone else too of course! FA hope your GP was sympathetic, you can draw on support in RL as well as here.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 06/05/2009 17:51

Hope you managed to say everything you needed to and got the support you deserve today from the doctor. Let us know how it went x

Expelliarmum · 06/05/2009 18:35

Hi FA, just read all this thread and wanted to add my support. My one piece of advice is to please try to eat. I went through a rough time the last 6 months and eventually got wise to the fact that low blood sugar actually lead me to feel more hopeless and unhappy, if that was possible! So I ended up virtually living on smoothies.
Chuck a banana, a handful of strawbs, a big dollop of greek yogurt a generous slosh of apple juice and a spoonful of honey into the blender, whizz it up and just sip it.
You must stay in one piece for your DCs.
I hope this helps.
Take care. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

BottySpottom · 06/05/2009 18:54

MrsBoogie - so true. Though actually this is worse than her husband dying, in a way, as now she doubts every second they spent together when she thought they were happy .

Fading - fantastic news about booking an appointment - I'm so pleased. Out tonight, but hope to read your news later.

cheltenhamgal · 06/05/2009 19:43

let us know how the docs went FA and i dont mind being at the end of a phone in RL, i went thru a similar experience but we had'nt been together for as long as you and DH

ZipadiSoozi · 06/05/2009 21:00

FA - how did the docs go?

numal · 06/05/2009 21:33

All your supporters are here waiting to find out how it went at the Doctors this afternoon.

Hope it had helped is some way.
Let us know when you are ready. Please try to stay strong.

KnickKnack · 06/05/2009 22:11

I never feel I have anything to add to your thread as I can't begin to imagine what you are going through (I was at the opposite end of the spectrum and overjoyed when ex and I parted).
I just wanted to post that I'm still thinking of you. I know exactly how you feel re:throwing up earlier. When I'm stressed, I feel it most in my stomach. The butterflies/nauseous feeling that is almost a pain. I lost around a stone when my ex and I separated (under relatively "amicable" conditions).
I hope you were able to have a decent talk with your GP today and he was able to prescribe something that will provide you with even a modicum of relief and perhaps some sleep.
I know you are probably sick of people who are saying it will get better...but hopefully they are all right

CatchaStar · 06/05/2009 22:15

Fadingaway I've just found this and read it all through. I'm very sorry for what has happened to you and your children.

What your husband has done to you all is heartless and he doesn't deserve your tears. But I know saying that won't stop them from falling anyway.

What I can say is, one way or another, though it may not seem like it just now, things will get better. You will feel better in time.

MN can be a fantastic place for support and advice, keep talking - there is always someone here listening and reading.

How did your appt with the doctors go?

Unlikelyamazonian · 06/05/2009 22:18

FA how are you? You have lots of support here. With any luck you have popped the doc's smarties and are off with the fairies.

If you are wandering the house again in the small hours, look at YouTube - put 'laughing babies' into search.

Buy some Redbush tea and cadbury's fruit and nut chocolate. Wish I was a bit closer.

Original poster
fadingaway · 06/05/2009 22:20

I went to the doctors and she gave me something for the next week to help me sleep.

She also told me to get an STD check which has shaken me again.

And tonight DH has texted DD3 and said he will come to see them on 17th May.

I just keep thinking I can do this and then he comes and pulls the carpet out from me again.

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 06/05/2009 22:24

Sweetheart, get some sleep and look after yourself.
Please

IDidntRaiseAThief · 06/05/2009 22:26

how did she react, was she helpful to you?

Original poster
fadingaway · 06/05/2009 22:30

she was. She said I have to see her next week and that this may take two years or so to work through.

she was stunned when she heard how long we had been together.

OP posts:
IDidntRaiseAThief · 06/05/2009 22:34

bless, i am glad.

I truly know how you are feeling. I am 4 yrs on.

The adjustments are hard, and it's a new world. You just keep going lady.xx

Lizzylou · 06/05/2009 22:36

FA, be kind to yourself, you don't have to be superwoman, you can let go.
Glad that the GP was good, look after yourself x

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