Fading I have been following you thread but found it very hard as it brings back many painful memories. In june last year my husband just got on a plan and pissed off taking all our money with him, leaving me pennliess, with no job (had just packed work in to be SAHM) no income and out beautiful 6 and a half month old son to care for.
Like you, I was up at all times of the night, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, was boiling hot constantly with shock and horror. I checked the phones, email, interent every ten seconds. I couldn't believe he had abandoned us so cruelly. I had to sort out bank accounts and tax credits, he has left me with a ten grand overdraft which a year on I am facing having to pay off myself over years and years.
I thought I would die. I didn't cope well (or so I thought at the time) I was a total mess but I still had to feed the baby his bottles and keep him going, try to keep him in a routine. H's family have blanked us totally so no support there, and I am not in touch with any of my family so no support there. I too had opnly moved to the area uite recently. My baby 'honeymoon' period (am an older mum and my son was much much longed for) was ruined.
I felt guilty, I thought I had driven him awaym I blamed myself, I was racked with guilt and confusion. Terrible sadness, utter exhaustion. Pain pain pain.
BUT BUT BUT. I pulled through. MN was bloody fantastic for me. It took three months to stumble through the worst and really hit rock bottom. Then I thought, fuck it I am NOT going t let the cheap whoring bastard ruin any more of my life or my joy with my son.
I relied heavily on friends (who were fantastic though mostly too far away - so they were with me on th phone day and night) and MN. I got some ADs and they have helped hugely. I sorted myself a counsellor. I started freelancing a little, now I clean and am earning a living. Tax credits support me. I budget and cook and keep the house beautifully. I am a stronger person. I know it was not my fault as it is not your fault. Your H has been weak and selfish beyond words. It is his loss.
I think there is a reason for these traumatic events happenikng to us: my H had been trawling sex sites and he went to Thailand to shag whores. He has told a web of terrible lies and been sacked from his job here in his absence.
But I and you can look ourselves in the mirror with a clean conscience. We have stayed for our children, we have survived. I got through one day at a time. I smoked and drank a lot of wine! I tapped inner resources i never knew I had.
I have the love of my smiling bonny boy, I am glad his feckless, twisted father is not around to influence him. He was a charlaton and a waste of breath.
I do not love him even remotely now. I am over it. Not over the consequences of his abominable actions, but over the terrible pain. I started getting over the pain after about four months. The sweats stopped and I started sleeping.
Like others who have been through this nightmare, it is not about us and our stories...they are simply a comfy rug for you to lay down on and know that you are already on the way to getting over it. You are not even a week into this..and bloody hell congratulations for getting through the bank holiday weekend. My h left on the friday of a bank holiday weekend too - everything I needed was shut when I discovered he had stolen everything (banks, tax credits, blah blah) and it was agony waiting til Real Life started again on the Tuesday.
But love, I m here, standing proud and strong. I have made new and good friends locally. My child has been THE reason to keep going. I grab each day and celebrate being alive. Because the bastard nearly killed me.
Just keep going FA - keep going, keep holding onto the idea that eventually, one day soon, you will see that your stupid selfish wanker H has done you a favour and allowed you to rebuild and recreate a life for you and yr children - a different but a great life. Honestly.