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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

please help my husband left today

1001 replies

fadingaway · 01/05/2009 19:28

11th August would have been our Silver wedding anniversary.

We have 5 children.

I was at work. My 11 year old rang me in floods of tears. He had taken the two youngest to nursery, left a note saying he would always love them, and just went. Left a note for me saying he's been seeing someone else for two years.

I have nobody in RL, I only had him. The younger children just keep asking for daddy, the older ones are in bits. I would have laid down my life for him. Please help me. I don't think I can cope with this. His phone is off. I don't have a clue where he is.

OP posts:

Original poster

fadingaway · 04/05/2009 14:30

please Indith that would be so kind.

He texted me just before 1.00pm.

I am so relieved he did because now I know he is there somewhere.

OP posts:

Indith · 04/05/2009 14:52

Link to the meet up thread here. I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time, I hope you continue to get support here and from your family and that we can sort out some form of RL sorrow drowning and support.

twentyoneagain · 04/05/2009 15:29

Hi Fadingaway - I just wanted to add my support and to let you know another is concerned and thinking of you.

I know that life is so bleak for you at the moment and that you cannot see any light at the end of this tunnel, but it is there and you will come through this.

It is lovely to see Indith's post offering you support. This is MN at its best

kalo12 · 04/05/2009 15:33

how are you?
what did he say?

BouncingTurtle · 04/05/2009 16:11

Fadingaway - have only read your OP and feel so for you and the dcs. I live in Teesside, but I've met Indith and others in/near Durham and can attest she is a kind and lovely person.
Will try to join any meet up and hopefully offer some support.
You will get through this, sweetheart.
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} Big unmny hug heading your way.

ZipadiSoozi · 04/05/2009 16:19

Fadingaway - Aw so sad for you, can't offer anything but sympathy for you, try and eat a tin of soup or nibble on something though. Stay strong! you are doing so well! Glad your in-laws are helping and supporting you.

Original poster

fadingaway · 04/05/2009 16:34

he said he hoped I was okay under the circumstances and he was sorry for what he had done.

I texted him asking him to please contact me to sort out seeing DDs and DS, but he hasn't replied.

I feel like I am dying, over and over again.

OP posts:

dizzydixies · 04/05/2009 16:38

fadingaway I know I've come to this thread late and I'm so sorry for what has happened to you - what a spineless git he really is

please please take the MNers who are nearby to you up on their offer of support, I'm NE Scotland or I would add myself to the list

you NEED to take some time to look after yourself to come to terms with everything

time to change your name as although this is horrendously painful right now we're all here to get you through it and show you how strong you are

'ontheup' should suit you fine as thats where we go from here

Longtalljosie · 04/05/2009 16:44

I doubt he's got the guts to face the children. It must be hitting him how thoroughly he's burned his bridges - his father's furious with him, his younger children are bewildered, his older children devastated and let down, you are devastated...

No, I'd give up on getting anything sensible out of him this week. Concentrate on you. I'm sure you're desperate for a decent explanation, but you may never get one.

Are you quite sure you're up to working tomorrow?

dizzydixies · 04/05/2009 16:57

I agree with LongtallJosie, he doesn't have the nerve to face up to the kids and is leaving that for you to deal with - maybe he realises that he's the weak one in this and you're the stronger one for the kids

girlfriend101 · 04/05/2009 17:13

Fadingaway,
I'm so sorry to 'hear' what has happened. I hope that you are doing ok. We are all here to support you. I agree with the others when they say that you should call the samaritans. They are fantastic people and I've used them several times when I've been at my wits end. It is like talking to someone on here but you actually have a voice who is soothing and comforting. Please try and get together with the MNusers who are in and around your area.
Take care, you and the kids are in my thoughts.

BottySpottom · 04/05/2009 17:53

Fadingaway - you are doing fabulously. Your husband left 2/3 days ago, you have 5 children, and you have your ironing done!! Seriously, I'm not being flippant, you'll be fine on your own. I'm glad he contacted you but I'm confident that in a few months time you'll realise you don't want to be back with someone so spineless.

I hope you manage to meet up with the Durham mnetters.

Take care

Original poster

fadingaway · 04/05/2009 20:41

he texted saying he wants to see the children but can only talk when he feels ready.

When I heard from him earlier today I was so relieved, but now.......

He has texted DD2 and DD3 although she says no message has arrived.

I am working tomorrow I cannot give into this.

I am shaking and I've been sick. I am in a nightmare still.

OP posts:

oliviasmama · 04/05/2009 20:45

I'm bloody furious with that spineless man...sorry, f!!*g sorry, is he sorry for deceiving his wife and children for the last 2 years then? If he was bloody sorry he'd have put a stop to his immorality immediately. Pathetic!

oliviasmama · 04/05/2009 20:48

Sorry for the rant fading, if you feel sick and shaky could you not manage some toast and jam. If you could it'd settle your tummy a bit.

Original poster

fadingaway · 04/05/2009 20:49

OM I want to hate him but I can't. I just can't.

OP posts:

Tortington · 04/05/2009 20:54

umm. i don't get how you can't hate him for shitting all over your kids.

in your situation i wouldnt answer any texts exept to say - "contact me through a lawyer" and change my number.

oliviasmama · 04/05/2009 20:57

I know, I know how hard it is and I don't expect you to hate him, I just think he has caused such devastation to you and your DC and has just left you all and run away without a thought. He has gone off to this woman and left you to deal with everything. Horrid man!

Original poster

fadingaway · 04/05/2009 20:59

I can't eat. The food literally will not go down.

I have decided not to go to the doctors. There is no point in them giving me something to make me sleep because I might sleep through one of the kids being sick or something.

I tried drinking and that didn't work.

OP posts:

oliviasmama · 04/05/2009 21:00

and she must be the biggest bitch to walk the face of the earth! Now get your toast on

DutchOma · 04/05/2009 21:03

It's all about him, isn't it? How he can't help himself, how he can only talk when he is ready. Not a thought about how you might feel

You need to look after yourself though, sweetheart, take all the help you can get. If any MNters want to visit let them. They'll be glad to and it won't be a hardship to them. I would come if I were nearer.
And if you could have the day off tomorrow that might be better too. Your boss sounds kind.
Have you got the kids' school stuff sorted for tomorrow?

oliviasmama · 04/05/2009 21:06

I'm glad about the doc's, your a brave gal

AbricotsSecs · 04/05/2009 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

claireybee · 04/05/2009 21:07

Fadingaway I'm so sorry to read this.

Please do see the doctor though, you might not want something to help you sleep but they can put you in touch with a counsellor or prescribe AD's to help you get through the shock of it.

Daftpunk the FIRST place I would be in a similar situation is MN, I wouldn't be able to talk it over in RL until I'd come to terms with it a bit and wouldn't have a clue where to start with the practicalities so would post on here for advice and support.

Original poster

fadingaway · 04/05/2009 21:08

Yes. All the uniforms are ready. I have to ring nursery to see if they can take DS because normally he wouldn't have been there tomorrow and I am supposed to give notice of taking him in.

My boss isn't kind. He texted me earlier saying not to worry if I had to get the bus in if I couldn't drive.

She will be younger than me, prettier, with a body that hasn't given him 5 children. I'm a wreck.

OP posts:

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