Married ladies- how did you catch and keep your hubby? I need help!

[poshsinglemum]

Hi everyone.
As the name suggests I am a single mum. I don't want to get on the dating scene for another couple of years or so but need advice for when I do. I have never been married and I've always gone for the wrong men. I am totally clueless about relationships and have had several very destructive relationships and lots of flings. DD's dad turned out to be nuts and due to complicated circumstances is now abroad and can't see dd due to passport complications. I have given up for now and resigned myself to possible permanent singledom. I'm trying not to be bitter about men and love.
I am generally very happy and now I have dd I no longer feel desperate for a bloke.(I think that desperation was a very real problem of mine and attracted the wronguns.) However, I feel like I'm missing out. So just for fun- how did you meet, keep and marry your dh? Has anyone done ''the rules''? I tried but threw the book away as it did my head in or is it really better to let the man chase you? Has anyone done the chasing and caught the man of their dreams? Would be really interested to know how people met their partners and how they kept them interested. It just seems like so much hard work.

Met him at uni, we shared a house and then started shagging going out, we married in October afterbeing together for 3.5 years.

Um, I don't know how I keep him interested tbh? We just chat and if we disagree on stuff we fight try and compromise!

met at work we moved intogether couple of years laterthen he proposed on millinieum eve got married a few years later and been married almost 6 years been toegtehr nearly 13 years.

TBH we have nearly split u a few times over the last few years but as they are getting older we can sspend more quality time together and not pplay cometitive tiredness against each other

excuse typing dd2 is climbing all over me to get tv remote

Met through friends, on a drunken night out
Slept with him that night, still together (happily) 13 years later

met when I was 11 and he was 17

had a major crush on him from the off!

finally persuaded him to "go out" with me when I was 13

I got pg when I was 14, and ds1 was born 2 months after I turned 15

we go married when I was 16..... just over 11 years ago, and we now have 5 beautiful dc.

I adore him still, and I know he loves me to bits

a bit unorthodox I know, but it works for us!!!

be a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen

or something

dont ever let him see you shave your legs
laugh at his jokes
let him out to play with his friends every so often

pretend he is in charge when really you are ( with everything - the children, finances, waht car you buy, wher you live, the colour of cushions, what side of the bed you sleep on etc)

never take it for granted or slacken

we met at school btw - he was 15 i was 14
he had a gf at the time but i made it my mission to get him - it took me 11 years and he still thinks it was his idea

nailpolish has summed it up perfectly

I used to get so worked upif he wanted to go out with his mates, now I love it

no its not a joke

Met in a club when we were students.

I asked him to dance, and the rest is history...

Been together 18 years.

The sparks have definitely gone, its a different life we lead now with 3 kids, I suppose we lead quite seperate lives, do our own thing quite a lot as well as putting the kids beforre our own needs. But having said that the sex is still great.

DH jokes he couldnt afford to leave me now. Don't know if I should be flattered or annoyed !

been with my fella 8yrs 2mo we not married ... yet have 2 kiddies and work well jst do wot works for you and talk and laugh togther not behind or at each other ... although thats fun somtimes too

We met at a party..both pissed.
Have been married for 20yrs now .
Trick to a good marriage I think is mutual respect,consideration for the others feelings and not giving up when it gets tough.Communication helps a lot and treating each other as you would want to be treated.Not always easy I have to apologise quite a lot and so does he.
Oh and you need to love each other first

Catch and keep???? WTF??

Me and my DH were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend. That was 8 years ago and we've been married for 4 years!

in my experience friends are very good at identifying someone they think you'd geton well with.

sounds like too much bloody hard work for me. Male equivalent of Thai Bride would be better.

Fly paper.

I find it works a treat.

I sighted mine, chased him down and went for the kill!

No, seriously. I had had a dismal relationship previously and I decided I wanted a man who smiled.

One day I saw DH for the first time, chatting outside our department building. The first thing he did was shoot me a dazzling smile (he though I was someone else!) and I instictively felt he was the one.

I then pursued. I decided to be quite forward, as I hadn't met anyone I remotely liked in three years. I didn't think it was worth being mysterious. I phoned him, asked him out and chased again. I kind of know what men who like me like about me, so I suppose I ramped it up a little.

He is always a little proud that I made the running. There was a moment when I sent him a text to remind him about me as he was just about to leave the country for good (he's Spanish). He responded and now we're married. He refers back to that text message a lot!

I think it was being upfront about what we both wanted that helped. Circumstances meant that we had about 5 months to suss out whether it was worth us both changing our lives completely for one another, so we didn't beat around the bush. It was worth it.

Met him via a friend. Sparks flew straight away. I had three boyfriends at the time who were summarily dumped. Haven't looked at another man since.

'Good' early dating -
Don't make all the running. Most men do like to chase.
Be interesting, busy and fun (but that's not just dating, that's life!)
Don't talk about your ex's. Particularly not hard luck stories.
Take stock every now and then as to whether this is really a relationship you want to pursue - is he kind enough to you? is he fun? is he messed up and in need of therapy? Be ready to walk away if it's not right - partly because the right one will come along eventually and partly because dependency is only attractive to psychopaths.

A good marriage -
Don't generalise eg 'You always say you'll be careful with money and then spend it' 'you never listen to me'. Be specific about what you're upset about and be prepared to give ground.

Don't try to 'win' an argument. In a marriage there are either two winners or two losers.

Let him spoil you, let him help you, and thank him when he does.

Have sex (doesn't matter if you're good at it, just don't forget to do it!)

Firstly, you're not missing out by being single. I actually think that more people would be happier single, with couplehood being the best option for a minority of people.
But the only way to date safely (WRT avoiding nutters, cocklodgers, predators and the rest) is to work on building a nice life for yourself and your DC, full of good friends and interests, and treating romantic/sexual relationships as an optional extra. Because if you get into the mindset that you must have a partner, you will end up with a control freak, a loser, a scrounger or worse.

Well, there's some contradictory information for you! Poor you.

I am so guilty of the 'you always' thing. It is bad.

Well I did say 'Most men' LaTrucha! - yours is clearly the exception that proves the rule Sweet story!