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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Married ladies- how did you catch and keep your hubby? I need help!

106 replies

poshsinglemum · 26/02/2009 14:23

Hi everyone.
As the name suggests I am a single mum. I don't want to get on the dating scene for another couple of years or so but need advice for when I do. I have never been married and I've always gone for the wrong men. I am totally clueless about relationships and have had several very destructive relationships and lots of flings. DD's dad turned out to be nuts and due to complicated circumstances is now abroad and can't see dd due to passport complications. I have given up for now and resigned myself to possible permanent singledom. I'm trying not to be bitter about men and love.
I am generally very happy and now I have dd I no longer feel desperate for a bloke.(I think that desperation was a very real problem of mine and attracted the wronguns.) However, I feel like I'm missing out. So just for fun- how did you meet, keep and marry your dh? Has anyone done ''the rules''? I tried but threw the book away as it did my head in or is it really better to let the man chase you? Has anyone done the chasing and caught the man of their dreams? Would be really interested to know how people met their partners and how they kept them interested. It just seems like so much hard work.

OP posts:

AreyouDancing · 26/02/2009 16:34

www.scandynamics.se/images/ManTrap.jpg

Like this

RubyRioja · 26/02/2009 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 26/02/2009 16:36

HuwEdwards. I hate that term too but I'm in a stupid mood so i don't care if I come across childish. I dare say if I had a husband I would rather die than use the term ''hubby'' but I don't have that problem atm.

I do agree with you in that the other person not being property and therefore not being mine to ''keep''. Tis a figure of speech from an irritating dating book. I should rephrase that as 'How do you stay together.'

OP posts:

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 26/02/2009 16:36

lol rubyrioja. Sounds like the way foward!

OP posts:

bronze · 26/02/2009 16:41

areyoudancing, your method is much more sophisticated than mine

AreyouDancing · 26/02/2009 16:42

Bronze - yours is more romantic though.

Mine has a whiff of desperation!

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 26/02/2009 16:42

I quite like it.

OP posts:

Janos · 26/02/2009 17:35

Bleurgh - catch and keep a man, why? They aren't pets.

And as for all this twee "let him think he's in charge" stuff - yuk, yuk, yuk.

Sorry poshsinglemum I know it's meant to be a light hearted thread, this stuff just makes my toes curl.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 26/02/2009 17:48

Of course, you could always stick to the best modern methods: half a brick and a length of washing line.

MrsMattie · 26/02/2009 17:59

No 'catching' involved. Would rather have my arm gnawed off by rabid dogs than ever read 'The Rules'.

Met DH 8 years ago and we fell in love. Simple as, really. He was the first decent, 'normal' bloke I'd ever gone out with. I knew I wanted to marry him and have babies with him within a few months, really. He took a bit longer to come round, but come round he did (I used to be up for a lot of hot sex in those days...sure that had something to do with it ). Down the line, we are best friends. We adore each other. There's no science to it. I guess one of us could fall out of love with the other. Shit It happens. But right now, life is sweet...

wilbur · 26/02/2009 18:21

Find yourself a man who wants to catch and keep you, it's much easier that way . I would also say, if you don't respect him and admire his choices in life, you're unlikely to last through the inevitable phases when you wake up and see him and think "Oh God, not you again...".

darcysotherhalf · 26/02/2009 19:33

met at work, he was in the middle of a divorce and i was supposed to be getting married. to someone else. needless to say, i didn't marry someone else; we moved in three weeks later (after the someone else threw me out - which was fine, it was awkward), married a month after that, and ds was born 9mths later. been together too many years now to say without giving my age away. but we met when i was 22 and he was 34.

lizziemun · 26/02/2009 19:51

I would say stop looking.

I was single for probaly 10yrs before i met DH.

I went to a pub quiz with someone i worked with who was seeing dh lodger.

I knew the moment i met him he was the 'right one'. The first time he came to pick me up for a date he forgot my address and telephone number so he drove back home and then back to mine (he had a house in a different town about 10 miles away).

We got engaged 6 weeks later i moved in with him 7/8mths later and then got married 2yrs later have been married 8yrs and have only had one arguement in all that time.

That arguement was mainly because he had been drinking all day and i asked him a silly question ie 'did he want dinner' he threw his wedding ring at me. I picked it up and went to bed the next day i took it with me to my mums before he got up and didn't come back until late. He had spent the whole afternoon taking the house apart because he couldn't find his ring. He couldn't remember throwing it at me. I gave it back and told him what he had done and he has never done it since in the 8yrs we have been married.

TheOldestCat · 26/02/2009 19:57

I'd say look at your group of friends - is there anyone you have a real connection with?

DH and I were mates for two years before we got very drunk one night realised we were 'meant to be'.

BCNS · 26/02/2009 19:59

didn't think about it.. went out with a few frogs and was just me.. I never intended to get married !

Shauri · 26/02/2009 20:16

Met online (cringes in the corner) - after meeting quite a few ugly ducklings this way, i finally met hubby in the Jan 03, we hit it off instantly, got engaged in feb (in paris , I was pregnant by april 03 and the rest is history. Now happily married with 2 DC and 2 dogs!!

WIll also vouch for online dating as my sister has met future hubby 2 online and they are due to marry at easter.

saultanpepper · 26/02/2009 20:58

Feed him

Fuck him

Rinse and repeat

The order in which you achieve 1 and 2 are not particularly important.

DISCLAIMER

This post is intended to be humorous/non-serious and with no offence or malice aforethought meant to any person or animal living or dead; if you are offended, please build a bridge, get over it, and then feck off and read another thread

crankytwanky · 26/02/2009 21:02

I was working as a waitress...
No, really.

One xmas party I ended up sleeping with my boss (well, the head chef).

I was a single mum too, which he knew, so it was cool that I never had to have the "actually, I have a child" conversation. Plus he knew I'd have stretch marks etc!

I did the rules, apart from the shagging bit! I think though I was pretty laid back though and not actually looking for anyone. That's essentialy what the rules say; be cool, like you so don't need them.

The rest, as they say, is history...

We have a son, and are engaged.
Oh, and he's never seen me shave my legs of heard me fart, (i'm with nailpolish on this one), although he saw the little net being deployed in the birthing pool whilst my son was being born!

wolfear · 26/02/2009 21:56

Keep him sedated with booze/weed.

devilisunaccomplishedinprada · 27/02/2009 00:39

Met through friends when I was 16 and he was 20. I was a bit "treat em mean keep em keen" in the beginning. Still am a bit now TBH. Been together 14 years married for 10 and have 2 dds. The spark is still definately there, I fancy the pancy off him and vice versa. Erm.... communication is the key in our relationship and honesty. Making sure we give each other space to be ourselves as well.

devilisunaccomplishedinprada · 27/02/2009 00:40

That should be the pants not the pancy.

MrsSeanBean · 27/02/2009 00:43

The rules are not a bad basis to start with. As soon as I read the thread title I thougt 'No no no... a lady does not catch the man: it needs to be the other way around!'
If you are not desperate for a man, that is exactly when (possibly due to Sod's Law) men will be attracted to you IME.
It is always far easier less hard work and far more satisfying when the man is the more interested of the two parties.

cannydoit · 27/02/2009 02:34

i kept him waiting for sex for 6 months and then when we did have sex i got preggers..................ummm perhaps not the best way to do it.lol

JJsandcat · 27/02/2009 07:16

LOL @ bronze

Catch and keep, does sound a bit like chicken run I'm afraid .

I met my Dh at work, moved in together after 6 mths, got angaged after 1.5yrs of knowing each other, married about half a year later. And we have a baby now.

Pretty standard stuff I guess. I see and treat him as my best friend, I confide in him and vice versa, we talk a lot, share everything and don't nag each other repeatedly. You have an issue, you say something and that's it. Don't try to change him and don't use sex as an instrument to give or withhold.

Also: Love is not looking at each other but looking into the same direction.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 27/02/2009 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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