My daughter has made allegations that my husband in abusing her, I can't find any support on the net. Please help!!!

[hurtandworried]

My 14 year old daughter has made a statement to the police that my husband has been inappropriatley touching her and making sexual advances towards her. Please tell me where I can get some support around how this is making me feel. I can't find anywhere on the net for this kind of thing.

Um actually. Is pagwatch still about? SOme of the stuff she's said about grooming and that is striking a bit of a chord from my past. It's disturbing me quite a bit. Should I start another thread?

And we know that he's a credible liar hurt and wounded because he lied about the drinking.

H&W - he was credible in his denials, but you already know he lied about the drinking...

By the way, is there someone looking after your daughter now?

Cross posts Lobster!

Yes Ann,if there's something you want to talk about from your past,start up a new thread-I'm sure a few of us maybe able to help discuss past experience's,if thats what you feel you need.

Sexual predators have great patience in setting the scene for their activities. They are very focussed on this and it is not unknown for them to 'breed' their own potential victims and wait until they have reached their optimum age.
Remember Fred West?

Thanks for explaining lL

don't want to argue anyway

mouse - yes, you are being naive. Her DD feels responsible for the turmoil the family has been thrown into. She thinks that by dropping the charges and saying she wants her step dad to come home, she can make amends. Children always feel guilty for everything, they always think everything is their fault. It's very complicated, but I believe it is very common for victims of child abuse to have very conflicting feelings towards their abusers.

I want to say to H&W that you should go upstairs now and tell your DD that you have been in shock, but now you believe her 100%, you will stand beside her through all this and you will never, never leave her. Tell her you think she should press charges - make it crystal clear that she is the only thing that is important right now.

I know what it is like to have a mother who would not stand by you, who implies you are a liar. Thank goodness I was not abused as a child, but if I had been I know my mother would not have been there for me. That knowledge is enough to have pushed me over the edge several times - I promise it will be 100 times worse for your daughter.

Without wanting to seem hostile. You have not expressed much concern for what your daughter must be going through at the moment - only how confused you are and whether your DH will go to prison. I find that worrying.

no minda, there is honestly nothing at all that i would ever doubt about his relationship with the kids or with her, he has been a truly fantastic dad to them all

my dd is in same room as me now watching tv

Oh nabster. You are a very brave woman.

No probs, flight only too happy to clarify my opinions, and even change them if I have been in the wrong.
FWIW I would just like to clarify that I am not suggesting HAWs DP is in the same league as West. I was just making the point that predators can be very patient and focused to achieve their goal.

oh nabster thankyou, i didnt realise that my wanting a bit of support would do this. i am so so sorry

and also slightly stupid

i have read some of the ops further posts and have asked for my last one to be deleted.

Yes,my mother said the same about my abuser.

When I told other members family of my abuse they were totally shocked although my aunt (10 yrs older than me) could remember one single instance of my abuser staring at her (she felt it was in a sexual way-she was around 13/14) and making her very uncomfortable many years previously.

i am trying to totaly believe her but its so hard to reconcile that with the man i know

time for that later

He has set you up, HAW.
Please wake up!

He's never said anything remotely inappropriate to her of a sexual nature; discussed her developing sexuality with her/you; never demonstrated a belief that teenage girls are emotionally/sexually mature; anything like that? Have you ever noticed her seeming uncomfortable around him after you've been at work?

I'm sorry to go on at you. It's just that your daughter's situation re: the abuse is so very very similar to the one I was in that I can't keep away from this thread, despite trying really hard.

Then just focus on what you have to do as a mother now. Forget how you feel as a wife.
Concentrate on what she must be feeling now - try to make that your only concern.

As someone said already, if you'd thought he was capable of that, you wouldn't have been with him.

no, i truly cannot think of anything at all that gives me cause for concern