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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Pervin mervin

57 replies

Tiredmumno1 · 10/02/2009 14:18

Hi all, just wanted ur thoughts, my partner and i have been together 7 yrs and have 2 young so sons, he seems to think it is ok to ogle woman constantly, from the mums at the school, to the females walking down the road, the ones in the shops, and it doesnt just stop there, he is always on the look even whilst watching tv and newspapers and magazines. I hate it. What do you all think.

OP posts:
NAB09 · 10/02/2009 14:19

What about?

Molesworth · 10/02/2009 14:20

It would get on my wick and I'd tell him to stop it!

compo · 10/02/2009 14:21

start mentioning how attractive male celebs are, leave some magazines open at the shirtless Beckham ads and he'll soon get the message

Original poster
Tiredmumno1 · 10/02/2009 14:36

Lol compo, i will try but probably wont work.

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 10/02/2009 14:47

Has anyone (other than yourself) complained. FWIW most men make it a hobby (looking at women) but if it's causing women to be uncomfortable then he needs to make it more discreet.

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 10/02/2009 14:51

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
Tiredmumno1 · 10/02/2009 15:46

Listen i have put up with it for 7 yrs i am a loyal mum and partner, and no i am not one of those women. Its just fucking annoying the staring and the comments. And i am sorry to say that i find it totally disrespectful to do that especially whilst out with the family. Dont tell me u r one of those women who flaunt it just to get attention

OP posts:
NAB09 · 10/02/2009 15:47

What?

It annoys you, so talk to him and he should have enough respect not to do it if it upsets you.

Flightattendant12 · 10/02/2009 15:48

don't feed it

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 10/02/2009 15:48

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Dropdeadfred · 10/02/2009 15:49

Tiredmum...I think it is disgusting ang highly disrespectful to you. Have you ever told him how it makes you feel?

How about telling him how it makes YOU feel when men have done it to you? does he have a daughter? ask himhow he'd feel in fuure if he caught some young lad ogling her..?

Lizzylou · 10/02/2009 15:50

My ex-Stepdad was like that, he was so obvious and it was frankly embarrassing.
When I was a teen it was awful bringing my friends home and they all said he made them uncomfortable.
Appreciating other people's attractiveness (I point out pretty women/women with nice clothes/hair etc to DH) is one thing, but when it is creepy and uncomfortable, it is awful.
I sympathise

Dropdeadfred · 10/02/2009 15:50

sorry just re-read OP and you don't have a daughter

lisaofpalatine · 10/02/2009 15:55

ithink a lot of us look around without realising it

if he isn;tbeing discrete about it he is crass and vulgar

LynetteScavo · 10/02/2009 15:58

There's looking (which I think DH probably does) and there is looking so you notice, which is just rude.

He's being very rude. Tell him you are ofended and he should do it subtley if he is going to do it at all.

Original poster
Tiredmumno1 · 10/02/2009 17:04

Thanks for advice, i shall be having words later and c what happens. Wish me luck :-)

OP posts:
solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 10/02/2009 17:08

Does he get his cock out in the road? Does he yell 'FWAAAUGH look at the ARSE on that!' at passing women?
Or does he just sometimes say, 'what a pretty girl.' when a notably pretty girl walks past?
If he makes crude comments to strangers, he's being an oaf, but if you are a paranoid loon who thinks he should never look at anyone or anything, then sort yourself out before he runs for the hills.

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard · 10/02/2009 18:53

< lurks >

Original poster
Tiredmumno1 · 10/02/2009 19:10

Did u not read the above threads, i said i am not a crazy woman just pissed off. And if u think its ok for ur man to look at every thing in sight, then i think YOU need to get ur head looked at. Run for the hills lol yeah i dont think thats gonna happen

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 10/02/2009 19:32

why is everyone giving Tiredmum such a hard time?
are you all seriously saying your husbands rubber neck every passing woman and you think 'oh well, it's natural?' it isn't and the OP shouldn't be ade to feel embarrassed or inadequate...sheesh she got no support here did she? just a slagging off!!

Lizzylou · 10/02/2009 19:49

I sympathised DDF, I know for a fact how my ex-Stepdad's leering and leching made my Mother feel and how it made women on th receiving end feel as well
There is checking out people and there is lerring so much that you can't hold a conversation.

Hope you get it sorted

Dropdeadfred · 10/02/2009 20:03

Sorry Lizzylou, of course you did

sorry also that you had to put up with your stepdad

Lizzylou · 10/02/2009 20:28

S'OK, he's an Ex-Stepdad now
He was vile and lechy, he made my Mother lose all confidence in herself.
So this behaviour, when it's so overt and makes the partner so uncomfortable is very damaging.

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 10/02/2009 21:30

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fattiemumma · 10/02/2009 21:33

if a man walks down the street who is particularly attractive i look.

if we walk down the road and Dp see's someone with large norks he looks.

its normal. if he makes lude comments then i'd say something but i breif glance is pretty standard i would think

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