Pervin mervin

[Tiredmumno1]

Hi all, just wanted ur thoughts, my partner and i have been together 7 yrs and have 2 young so sons, he seems to think it is ok to ogle woman constantly, from the mums at the school, to the females walking down the road, the ones in the shops, and it doesnt just stop there, he is always on the look even whilst watching tv and newspapers and magazines. I hate it. What do you all think.

I'm totally with Reality here. I'm constantly suprised by how limited some views are.

reality, I don't care if my dp ogles other women

but I would take issue with "why don't you look more like her?"

he would get a swift kick up the bollocks for that

sorry reality, I misread your last sentence, I thought you were saying it was ok

time for bo-bo's ?

I find the general consensus on this thread surprising.

I dont think that "ogling" is ok, and I dont believe that it is in any way "showing appreciation for women".

If my father had made lude comments about women ("you dont get many of them to the pound")I would have been mortified.

I dont think you need to get over it, OP. He should - It is pathetic behaviour in a grown man.

Oh God, another one of those threads where the nay's aren't listening to the yay's.

Nobody has said that lude comments are acceptable, but you have to be realistic just because you are in a marriage/long term relationship doesn't mean you stop looking. I'd rather an honest dh who tells me that he'd quite fancy a night with Cameron Diaz than one who tells me he never looks at another woman. Get real.

Fair point about the spelling, but I think you get my drift.

catmandu....get real? Just because you think it's okay means the OP has to?

How small-minded. I thought we were here to support people not just tell them they are wrong and to get real.

Ok, lets all just support each other and never disagree .

But the OP hasn't clarified whether her DP is making remarks, or staring with his mouth open and slobbering - or if he just, you know, occasionally perceives the presence of a female of childbearing age with his eyes. The former might well be inappropriate and juvenile behaviour, but if it;s the latter then she is being unreasonable. And people who are unreasonably jealous don't need 'support' they need the online equivalent of a kick up the twinkle before they end up alienating everyone they know.

Catmandu...you could have told her it was not necessarily anything to worry about, accept that it might make her feel uncomfortable or knock her self-esteem but it wasn't something that you found annoying or distasteful. But no, you tell her to 'get real'.

The OP has lived with the husbands behavior for 7 years. Presumably up till now the looking hasn't been much of a problem but the problem is growing - or has grown to the point where she feels she should get opinions or advice.

I would be interested to know about what tipped the scales after 7 years.

From a moral point, I think that people in a relationship should be communicating, if one does something that the other doesn't like, then those points need to be communicated.
What is a worry here is that the man could look at other women for 7 years and (now all of a sudden) there is a suggestion of an expectation to change from something that he planely enjoys to something that he might not enjoy. When a change happens, it might happen but changes like that sometimes drag undesirable changes with it. Perhaps the husband might stop going out (ending most of the looking problem) and choose to resort to drinking at home every night. You solved the looking problem but another problem has resulted. You complain about the drinking problem and that changes to something else with other undesirable problems.(the added change was just a random undesirable guess) Eventually the husband is such a changed person that he isn't the man you married.

I would also be interested to read about examples of what the husband does that the OP doesn't feel appropriate.

OP if your DH is chatting to other women and always talking to their boobs then yes he needs to be pulled into line!

I do think it depends on what OP's DH is doing, quick glances ae fine, we all do it.
But really obvious leering and leching is not.
Ex-Stepdad used to make everyone uncomfortable with his leering, the "target", my Mother and us. Going out for a meal was a nightmare, he was always drooping over the waitress, just really obviously and horribly.
It's hard to define, but my DH looks, of course he does but it never makes me feel uncomfortable, ex-stepdad made everyone's skin crawl. If OP is in that position then it is wrong.

OOP's drooling not drooping

lol at a man drooping at the sight of other women lizzylou!!!

I know, it was anything but tbh

Okay, I'll mediate between the yays and nays and suggest - the odd comment of 'cor, look at those' is fine. If we had a particularly hot waiter, I'd probably raise my eyebrows at H to signify my approval also. That's just realistic. However, on a daily basis it would become very, very wearing and would chip away at your confidence I don't doubt - you expect your H to find the occasional woman attractive, but not to be commenting sexually on everyone under the age of 35 who isn't the possessor of a pair of bollocks and a hairy arse! OP - give us some idea of the intensity of the commenting and what's said.

Thanks all and ddf i was feeling like i was being kicked down a bit i just wanted to know i wasnt alone

Sorry for you-truly. I'm on the opposite end of these accusations (being accused of looking at other men) when in fact, I'm a 'people watcher'. It's horrid to be accused if you're genuinely not staring at the opposite sex...On the other hand, if he is and he knows it makes you feel uncomfortable, he should know better by now and have the respect to make you feel secure when you're out and about. You could try giving him a taste of his own medicine but honestly, I don't believe two wrongs make a right.