Going against my DH

[eNABlemetobebetter]

I don't want to say what it is as I want genuine unbiased opinions.

There is something I want to do. It is just for me. I think it will help me. DH doesn't want me too as he doesn't think it will help. Am I a really bad wife to still do it?

Sorry but I'm with Morris. This cryptic posting is becoming more than difficult. It makes me personally feel like I am bashing my head against a wall. Therefore I think I ought to avoid answering your posts in future.
It's a shame as I would like to be able to help but can't do it. I don't know what you need but am starting to think MN isn't the place to provide it - not because we don't want to, but because we can't.

I hope the things your GP suggested will be useful. Take care.

Sorry, making a mess as usual.

I haven't suggested to him I have the house to myself to try and work through things. I will though.

I think he is against me going away just because he is thinking I won't come back, that is all.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to be cryptic. I was trying to get an answer to is it okay to want to do something that your husband doesn't want you to do. I thought if I said what I wanted I would get mostly, yes it is okay, and I wanted to have peoples thoughts on just going against DH. I also should have worked out why he didn't want me to do it as well. Would have made thinge easier.

So good at messing things up in RL and now I am doing it on MN too.

Ok I'm still lost.

Where do you want to go, and for how long?

Why not just say? You mentioned using the time to research links etc - do you mean the library or something?

I totally understand why he doesn't want you to do this tbh.

He is worried you are speaking in code and want to harm yourself.

He worries that you are in fact going to meet this other man.

He's worried you won't come back.

Doing this makes him feel like you are distancing yourself from him which must feel a bit like it did when you were having an affair.

He is worried that you will be internalising stuff and this won't make you feel better but conversely worse.

He recognizes that by going off to be on your own for a bit you can't escape from yourself.

However of course it's up to you. If you genuinely think none of these things is true or relevant, and that you will spend the time doing constructive thinking/research, go for it - you don't need his permission. Just know he is not being unreasonable.

Aha, as I thought, there was a reason you posted as you did. [smug fecker]

Take care of yourself, NAB.

well you could harm yourself on the 2 hours you have alone evey day
or anytime you are without him
he has to trust you otherwise it's not much of a relationship regardless of the past

I guess because I never have time to do anything for myself, or time alone, I thought going off somewhere for the day, would give me that.

I can also see that he probably thinks I think I can run away from things for a while and it will be fine, but it won't and he has said as much.

I just wanted some space.

I would not kill myself. I can't deny sometimes I would like to go to sleep and never wake up, but I am terrified of dying.

I can also see that he might think I was wanting to meet with my ex and even though I have put him out of my mind, it is on DH's mind.

I have talked to DH.

We are going to try and have a day together, without kids, this Saturday and then we will sort out some time on Sundays where he takes the children out and I can have some time to read my books.

Thank you all.

You have helped me see it from DH's point of view.

And to think I used to be bright.

You are missing the point as well as being myserious. But the answer is still teh same. If it's wrong to do it, you shouldn't do it. Your husband's permission shouldn't change that. If it's the right thing to do, then he shouldn't deny you his blessing. You - and some of the others who appear to be in the loop - might know whether it's the right thing or not.

x-posted there dittany.

NAB - you need some help, not the type of help on here but real proper RL help/counselling to sort yourself out.

You need "genuine unbiased" opinions on whether you should have some time to yourself against your DHs wishes? Hmmm. I sort of think there is a lot more to it than that. Your DH must be up the wall with all of this. It has all been going on for a while now and honestly.....

......In the nicest of ways NAB....get some help.

I am doing

If I had realised why he didn't want me to go off on my own for a bit I wouldn't have posted.

nab, i can tell you right now why you can;t get over your depression

it is something i noticed you said on here the other day

you will not dicsuss at counselling the issues that need discussing

so have as much time away from teh the house, the kids, your DH, whatever, but those issues are inside you

and aren;t going anywhere

I don't know if you mean to do it so take this as constructive, not an attack...
If you really don't want to annoy people, you have to stop with the mystery posts. It may not be intentional but it comes across as very passive aggressive, ie makes everyone look, tear their hair out, etc etc and then feel they can't be angry with you because you're already vulnerable.

It's a pain to read/respond to and does put people off answering - and you do it a lot. But if you can somehow find a way to be more open right from the OP, I think that would really help

Because when I have tried, the counsellor doesn't seem to understand and I just feel they are getting frustrated with me. One did tell me I was annoying her.

OHM - okay. Believe me, I don't have the energy to try and be mysterious. I just get a lot of things wrong.

the fact you do not know why he feels like he does is bad

you need to be talking more to him

then find another counsellor

there are a lot out there

find one you can trust and work with

there has to be 'chemistry' you have to be able to have total trust

don;t give up

becasue the key to this is sorting your deep seated issues

I guess because I wasn't planning on not coming back, or hurting myself, it didn't occur to me that he would think that.

You know what, DH is upstairs working and I can not wait until he has finished. We have been in the same house most of the day but I miss him. Damn work!

I second every word of what OHM said

I hear you, MZ.

but you are depressed

you have been having emotional issues with another man

he is worried about you

you have to start giving some thought to his feelings in all this