Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Going against my DH

141 replies

eNABlemetobebetter · 03/02/2009 16:02

I don't want to say what it is as I want genuine unbiased opinions.

There is something I want to do. It is just for me. I think it will help me. DH doesn't want me too as he doesn't think it will help. Am I a really bad wife to still do it?

OP posts:
NorbertDentressangle · 03/02/2009 16:37

I think Lulumama is probably thinking what I'm thinking.

Are you thinking of meeting with "someone" face to face?

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 03/02/2009 16:38

Problem is, without knowing what it is, we can't even give you "unbiased opinions"

Rob a bank - no
take an art class - yes
flash at the vicar - no
buy a handbag - yes

see? It's impossible.

Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 03/02/2009 16:38

Not asking permission to do anything. Was wondering what the general feeling was about doing something for yourself without your Dh's permission.

I am not being coy, not intentionally anyway!

It was my decision to say obey, I wanted too.

I want to have some time away on my own. Just a few hours.

OP posts:
ScorpiowithabigS · 03/02/2009 16:39

time alone at day spa yes. that sort of thing is fine. If he isnt liking it then it must be more controversial - plus you wouldnt be asking on here.

catMandu · 03/02/2009 16:39

I have to say that if my dh really put his foot down about something that I wanted to do for myself it would have to be fairly extreme for him to do that in the first place. If he's the kind of man who will say no regularly or it's something reasonable then I'd go ahead and do it.

Lulumama · 03/02/2009 16:40

so , you want to have some time on your own? and he does not want you to? unless he is worried what you are going to do in that time

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 03/02/2009 16:40

You want to be alone for a bit?

Sorry to be blunt, but do you think that your husband may be worried that is code for making an attempt on your own life?

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 03/02/2009 16:40

or yes, like lulu says, going to spend time with that other bloke.

mysterymoniker · 03/02/2009 16:41

is he concerned about suicide risk?

dittany · 03/02/2009 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 03/02/2009 16:41

And I realise she didn't actually say that.

apols lulu I have put words into your mouth.

Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 03/02/2009 16:42

Nothing to do with the other bloke. I have blocked all his emails and I don't talk to him.

He is worried I won't want to come back.

I went for a walk the other night and he phoned me and asked me if I was coming back,

I honestly think he is worried I won't come back but I will.

OP posts:
poopscoop · 03/02/2009 16:43

can you not just say what it is? Nobdoy knows you on here.

I have to say that it does seem a tad daft, all of us playing a guessing game ??

Nobdoy can help or advise you at all! How can we, if we dont know what we are advising you about?!

dittany · 03/02/2009 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 03/02/2009 16:45

ok. So we've established you want some time alone.

That's not unreasonable.

However, you say you want a couple of hours alone. Once. And that will sort you out.

That doesn't make sense. It's not realistic.

What do you think it will do for you? What do you expect to happen in those few hours?

Clattered · 03/02/2009 16:45

"....without your Dh's permission."

I don't think I could work in terms of permission - if it's his blessing/support you are after, that's a different matter. I couldn't get a relationship where I needed 'permission' to do something would work for me.

I'm a bit worried it's what Hecate has said.

If it's a case of going away for a weekend to chill out, then if you can afford it and he gets a weekend away too at some point, then I don't see a problem. Provided said weekend is to do with taking very good care of yourselves, not going abroad to live it up with a beach bum/ladyboy/someone after a British passport.

Lulumama · 03/02/2009 16:45

s'alright ..

catMandu · 03/02/2009 16:46

Can't imagine why my dh wouldn't be happy with me having time away for a few hours unless he thought I might:

  1. meet up with someone who could be a threat.
  2. put myself in danger
  3. spend money we don't have, but then even then he'd be ok .
MorrisZapp · 03/02/2009 16:46

Post what it is or stop asking as it's totally pointless otherwise and just looks like yet more attention seeking.

Lulumama · 03/02/2009 16:48

i thikn your DH has had an incredibly hard time lately, and is concerned for you and your marriage and rightly so

based on what i know of you, a few hours away will solve precisely nothing

and i have been severly depressed

you need to address the things you will not talk about in counselling

until then you are in a holding pattern and won;t move on

sorry, but i am with your DH, you need time together to rebuild things and proper help with your mental health

leaving your environemtn for a few hours or days deos not change it or you

sayithowitis · 03/02/2009 16:48

You have already made your DH very unhappy over the past few weeks and he has stuck by and with you throughout. Bearing in mind that he has been incredibly supportive of you already, even when it made him so sad, my instinct now would be that if he has said he would rather you didn't do this thing, he must have a good reason and if you have any respect for him, you will understand that and, on this occasion, do as he asks. Therefore, No, do not go against him. Even if you decide to do it, you would not be a bad wife. an inconsiderat one maybe, but not bad.
FWIW, I got married in church but we both decided I would not say obey. He does get to cherish me though!

BalsamicBreasts · 03/02/2009 16:49

Dont you get time on your own anyway?

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 03/02/2009 16:49

morris she DID! Yonks ago!

She wants to go off on her own for a bit.

Clattered · 03/02/2009 16:50

Harsh, that, Morris.

Clearly it's frustrating for us if we have no concrete idea of what your time alone to yourself entails, but I'm assuming you have worded the thread in this way for a reason.

dittany · 03/02/2009 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.