Educated woman/uneducated man - can it work?

[sparklet]

I'm divorced with a DD of 10 and have been with my current BF for coming up to a year. He treats me really well, is gentle and kind, we share some interests and he's the most wonderful lover I've ever had. We've talked about marriage and he's said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I'm in no hurry as I want to get to know him really well first.

There's one issue in particular I want to be comfortable with and please don't think I'm a snob but I can't ignore certain signs. I'm highly educated middle-class, he's skilled working-class (a carpenter) and simply not as knowledgeable/cultured as I am through no fault of his own. We do have lovely talks about quite deep things but I have to be careful not to use long words and can't really share my love of music and literature with him. His manners are a bit suspect sometimes too! He has a bit of a chip on his shoulder and I have to be careful not to come across as too assertive or he gets upset. Also I'm finacially secure and although he's generous to a fault, he's not good with money and has very little to show for many years of hard work and earning decent money. I can't see problems arising as long as we just continue to date but I'm nervous about living together/marriage.

Hi there! My husband and I couldn’t be any more different. I went to university and have a great job that pays well, and he didn’t go to school through no fault of his own and has worked all of his life in manual labour. He has always worked really hard though and has actually done well for himself through pure graft which I have huge respect for. He’s made the best of what he’s good at.

I did worry when we first got together because of our disparate family backgrounds and his lack of general manners but you know what, we’ve been together 20 years and he’s loving, kind, generous, funny and absolutely puts me first and we have a great life together. He can also fix absolutely anything which is very useful! My family love him because he’s a good husband.

I’ve helped him get better at reading and writing over the years, which he was never taught as a child, and when he asks what words mean or how to spell them I just tell him. I never correct him or criticise. Not everyone was blessed with good parents or upbringing. His was truly horrific and the fact he made it out of it to be such a nice person is a miracle. Plus he has far more common sense than me so he helps me with things I’m crap at!!

We also spend a lot of time doing the things we both enjoy, like going to the cinema, eating out and having sex! I can read in my own time.

I think if he makes you happy just enjoy it.

I have a friend who is obsessed with finding a life partner with a good job, high earner, matching intellect and gorgeous to boot, and I get exhausted with telling her she needs to focus on finding someone who treats her well and makes her smile.

Just enjoy it!

Abouttimemum you sound like a great couple. It was heart-warming reading your post!

Aww thanks. Life is too short to worry about anything other than how someone makes you feel!

Also just read back at how old this is 😂 how on earth did this come back!? I wonder if they’re still together 🤔🤔

I'm on the online dating scene, and automatically rule out 'high school' educated men from my search criteria. I have more luck - and enjoyable dates - with educated men. Experience has definitely informed this decision though; it's not like I plucked it out of thin air.

My husband is a carpenter who left school at 16. He has his own successful business now and is well read and knows a lot about music, film and theater in fact he might be the smartest person I know.

It doesn't sound like you have a lot of respect for this man and if you end up carrying him financially in future then you lose the little respect you did have.

Perhaps best to end it now and meet an educated wealthy man who better matches your image of yourself.

I don't think you are being snobby at all. You're just being honest.

I wouldn't be in a rush to settle with someone if they are not 100% right for you (or as close as can be anyway).

Sure he has the good points you listed but...you could also possibly find those traits in another person who you do feel more compatible with.

If you can't be totally yourself around him then it doesn't bode well.

I would have a think of what you truly want from a prospective partner and what will, down the line make you truly happy.

If that's not him (and I don't think it is as you are already having doubts) then don't be afraid to walk away or afraid you won't find someone else.

Hope this helps somewhat!

I’m this thread is 8 or 9 years old 😂😂

I am highly educated. I am not interested in culture/literature/'highbrow' music etc. Bores me rigid. It's often a faked interest in highbrow used by the educated to make themselves the 'elite'. People who use the vocabulary they learn in university to have conversations in normal life seem pretentious to me. Life, the universe and everything can be discussed and debate without long words. Perhaps he feels the same?

However, bad with money is a real nope from me. Chippies earn a fortune if they're any good and need to be good businessmen.

Goddam zombie thread!!

Oh haha! I completely didn't notice how old this thread was!

What happened? He sounds like a jerk! You cant be yourself around him and must tip toe! And he doesn't respect money or you. I hope you didnt settle for this guy

Agreed!

If you decide to end it, can you tell him I'm single? He sounds lovely

Hi, this came up because im in a similar situation. I'm not middle class, I'm very much council estate working class. I began uni at 37 and got my 1st class hons and straight on to my MA, completed at 41.
My partner, who I have been with for nearly 18 months now, living together is all the wonderful things the op described - an amazing lover, generous, kind, so informed that I did think he was an academic when we first met, I adore him.
He does this thing though. He sabotages me with outrageous behaviour when I need to think. To study. Have an interview the next day. He has done it every time now.
Firstly when I applied for my postgraduate certificate in teaching. He decided the night before the interview was a great time to get roaring drunk, have an existential crisis and keep me up till stupid o clock to deal with the situation. He did the same for the follow up interview.
I got in regardless, but it was so stressful. He was way, way worse before my first day at uni. I went to stay with a friend for a couple of days so I could, literally, think.

In between these incredibly important dates he is, amazing. He does however sulk and has a hissy fit if i talk to someone who has had a.formal education. Any man, I should say. He also has a real issue letting me get on with my research and essay submissions.

Also funny, op, is that he is a joiner, what we call a carpenter in England. He is super clever, but has massive chip on his shoulder. I have had to intercalate my course for a year for financial reasons, he couldn't bear the weight of carrying the household bills for another 6 months while I studied and I accepted this willingly, and said I would pause studies and get a job for a year or two. I'm 46, two years is a long time to hold off my career but he shouldn't have to pay for me.
Tonight, is the night before my interview to become a tutor at a local college. He's pulled it again. Two bottles of wine and a massive existential crisis. Crisis about his work. Crisis and temper tantrum about the guy giving the talk we attended earlier today on northumbrian geology, academic 'w**ers' apparently.
I dunno peeps. If this is never gonna change. I dont think he'll ever be happy with me doing anything he believes to be... above his sphere. He is at least as smart as me and taxes me so much all the time and I delight in him. But this insane jealousy. Can this ever work?

This on paper could work, of course, as it comes down to the individuals and how they treat each other, love each other. Now, the problem is that you asked the question, and that speaks volumes... It's not the same as living your happy life together, and some outsider asks if it ever is a problem between the two of you.. You yourself have this question in your head. Not great, if you ask me. If I was the guy, I'd feel hurt, or looked down on to some extent.

Don't get me wrong, you are not "bad" or "wrong" for feeling this way.. it's just not a great outlook for the relationship's prospects

What’s he resentful about and bottle up and what do you mean he doesn’t like you to be assertive? Do you mean questioning him? His ‘authority’? Making decisions for yourself? Does he want you in ‘traditional’ roles where he’s the decision maker?