Educated woman/uneducated man - can it work?

[sparklet]

I'm divorced with a DD of 10 and have been with my current BF for coming up to a year. He treats me really well, is gentle and kind, we share some interests and he's the most wonderful lover I've ever had. We've talked about marriage and he's said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I'm in no hurry as I want to get to know him really well first.

There's one issue in particular I want to be comfortable with and please don't think I'm a snob but I can't ignore certain signs. I'm highly educated middle-class, he's skilled working-class (a carpenter) and simply not as knowledgeable/cultured as I am through no fault of his own. We do have lovely talks about quite deep things but I have to be careful not to use long words and can't really share my love of music and literature with him. His manners are a bit suspect sometimes too! He has a bit of a chip on his shoulder and I have to be careful not to come across as too assertive or he gets upset. Also I'm finacially secure and although he's generous to a fault, he's not good with money and has very little to show for many years of hard work and earning decent money. I can't see problems arising as long as we just continue to date but I'm nervous about living together/marriage.

[Chewysmum]

If you decide to end it, can you tell him I'm single? He sounds lovely

[meeme]

Agreed!

[meeme]

What happened? He sounds like a jerk! You cant be yourself around him and must tip toe! And he doesn't respect money or you. I hope you didnt settle for this guy

[KirstyVal]

Oh haha! I completely didn't notice how old this thread was!

[Thingsdogetbetter]

Goddam zombie thread!!

[Thingsdogetbetter]

I am highly educated. I am not interested in culture/literature/'highbrow' music etc. Bores me rigid. It's often a faked interest in highbrow used by the educated to make themselves the 'elite'. People who use the vocabulary they learn in university to have conversations in normal life seem pretentious to me. Life, the universe and everything can be discussed and debate without long words. Perhaps he feels the same?

However, bad with money is a real nope from me. Chippies earn a fortune if they're any good and need to be good businessmen.

[irunlikeahipoo]

I’m this thread is 8 or 9 years old 😂😂

[KirstyVal]

I don't think you are being snobby at all. You're just being honest.

I wouldn't be in a rush to settle with someone if they are not 100% right for you (or as close as can be anyway).

Sure he has the good points you listed but...you could also possibly find those traits in another person who you do feel more compatible with.

If you can't be totally yourself around him then it doesn't bode well.

I would have a think of what you truly want from a prospective partner and what will, down the line make you truly happy.

If that's not him (and I don't think it is as you are already having doubts) then don't be afraid to walk away or afraid you won't find someone else.

Hope this helps somewhat!

[bananabagel]

My husband is a carpenter who left school at 16. He has his own successful business now and is well read and knows a lot about music, film and theater in fact he might be the smartest person I know.

It doesn't sound like you have a lot of respect for this man and if you end up carrying him financially in future then you lose the little respect you did have.

Perhaps best to end it now and meet an educated wealthy man who better matches your image of yourself.

[Dieu]

I'm on the online dating scene, and automatically rule out 'high school' educated men from my search criteria. I have more luck - and enjoyable dates - with educated men. Experience has definitely informed this decision though; it's not like I plucked it out of thin air.

[Abouttimemum]

Also just read back at how old this is 😂 how on earth did this come back!? I wonder if they’re still together 🤔🤔

[Abouttimemum]

Aww thanks. Life is too short to worry about anything other than how someone makes you feel!

[LaughingCow99]

Abouttimemum you sound like a great couple. It was heart-warming reading your post!

[Abouttimemum]

Hi there! My husband and I couldn’t be any more different. I went to university and have a great job that pays well, and he didn’t go to school through no fault of his own and has worked all of his life in manual labour. He has always worked really hard though and has actually done well for himself through pure graft which I have huge respect for. He’s made the best of what he’s good at.

I did worry when we first got together because of our disparate family backgrounds and his lack of general manners but you know what, we’ve been together 20 years and he’s loving, kind, generous, funny and absolutely puts me first and we have a great life together. He can also fix absolutely anything which is very useful! My family love him because he’s a good husband.

I’ve helped him get better at reading and writing over the years, which he was never taught as a child, and when he asks what words mean or how to spell them I just tell him. I never correct him or criticise. Not everyone was blessed with good parents or upbringing. His was truly horrific and the fact he made it out of it to be such a nice person is a miracle. Plus he has far more common sense than me so he helps me with things I’m crap at!!

We also spend a lot of time doing the things we both enjoy, like going to the cinema, eating out and having sex! I can read in my own time.

I think if he makes you happy just enjoy it.

I have a friend who is obsessed with finding a life partner with a good job, high earner, matching intellect and gorgeous to boot, and I get exhausted with telling her she needs to focus on finding someone who treats her well and makes her smile.

Just enjoy it!

[egloria]

I am working on my Bachelor's on political science, he is doing formation in nursing but I personally find it not enough, I wish he could at least have an associate degree... he is a really nice guy, lovely, sweet and he cares a lot about me...he loves me unconditionally but I feel like me being more educated than him might bring some problems in the future, I am trying to convince him to do his associate but he doesn't seem to be interested, i came from a very educated family, starting from my late grandpa to my uncles, aunts, my dad, cousins....everybody went to school they have PHD's, Masters, Bachelors......and all the girls got married to educated men and my family expect the same for me...I don't know what to do...when my parents found out about our relationship, they wanted to know his education level, I told them that he is doing his associate and might do his bachelor later....but that's not the truth cuz he doesn't even seem to be interested into doing his associate and my parents told me that I should not get married to a man who is less educated than me because he will have low self esteem which might lead to abuse... and myself whenever I think about I realize that they might actually be right..what should I do??? and one time he once told me that women tend to be above men when they start making more money than their husbands and he doesn't like that and wouldn't allow me to do that... I know that I wouldn't do that either but I don't know why he brought that subject.

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

THIS IS A 9 YR OLD ZOMBIE THREAD!

OP will presumably have made a decision by now....

[thefeelslimlady]

I think the only thing I'd really worry about is the chip on his shoulder. You can't hide your true self and you true self threatens him that could be a problem. I think it's realistic for you to accept that he fulfils most, if not all of your needs, but he needs to accept that too.

[BelleandBeast]

Deep down you don't have much respect for him and he deserves better.

[JustWonderingZ]

GaucheCaviar, I am with you. I find WC men a lot sexier/genuine/fun than starchy-mannered ‘repressed’ MC men, as educated as they may be. Anyway, education does not equal wit or intelligence.

Being sufficiently different keeps the interest going. If everything is similar, it is a sure way to boredom.

[Weasel113]

I reckon it could work if the OP learned how to hang a door, build some partition walls and learns to replace joists and floorboards in a rotting floor. When the carpenter comes home his woman would know the sort of background when she asks how his day has been and they can then have an intelligent conversation.

[coalit]

I love how people post without skimming the main bits, it's not just a zombie thread, it's a DOUBLE ZOMBIE.

[CR7987]

The gift that keeps giving this thread

[JustWonderingZ]

It can work if you love him for what he is unconditionally, and he accepts you and your accomplishments/ wealth without any ‘chippiness’ or resentment. As is evidenced by your post, this is no easy act to pull.

I have got a Masters Degree and distinctions in every educational qualification. My DH didn’t do well in his GSCEs at all and has got vocational qualifications. We have been very happy together. However, DH is very intelligent, more intelligent than me. He has got greater emotional shrewdness, social skills and better common sense. I certainly do not see him as inferior to me. Rather we have got different strong points and different things to bring to the table. He now earns a lot more than I did, too. In return, he lets me be as high-brow as I want, comes to classical concerts with me, art galleries etc. Lets me make choices about our children’s schooling and demand a lot more academics, extra tuition etc than what he would have bothered with.

I respect him for what he is, he is wonderful. From his side, he respects and admires me without feeling inferior or that it takes anything away from him. I fell in love with his quiet confidence and the security he inspired. He doesn’t expect or want me to dumb down in any way and lets me live my life how I want it doings the things I enjoy.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"But it works because he's intellectually curious, very up on current affairs"

Yes, but OP's boyfriend isn't.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I have to be careful not to use long words"

I think this is quite a big problem. If you can't use the word you want to use, you can't have a free conversation and I don't think it's snobby to have a problem with it.

I disagree about music and literature. If all men thought their girlfriends had to understand the off-side rule in football, or whatever, there'd be far fewer couples. I think it's fine to have separate interests.