For those that like to gloat, please do. I deserve it!

[Fizzfiend]

Just been texting my OM. He is unavailable for a couple days next week as he is seeing his proper girlfriend (I am just the bit on the side). I didn't know he was still seeing her. He has just left his DP (with whom he has 2 kids). What a mess. Have been in floods of tears. DH has not bothered me...that's another conversation I need to have (our marriage isn't working, etc). Bloody hell...you women with nice DHs are SO lucky! Please give them a hug. I am so fucked. Nobody loves me (aaaah!) Well my dd does. If I were a weaker person I would be throwing myself off a cliff right now. But time for another vodka so I can toast the New Year in by myself with my goldfish.

No one's going to gloat.

You'll get over this and be stronger for it. You've found out now rather than at 9 months pregnant, you can make a fresh start from this. Your future is in your hands now, hold it tight and make the most of it. You can't change what's happened but you can change your future. It's a second chance, you will see this in time. Don't look back.

scr0oged - what a lovely post
I've been sitting wondering what to say..
Fizz - i hope you take her advice and use this chance to take control of your life and do what right.
new year, new start and al that...?

Thank you ladies...you just made me feel a whole lot better (and that's a tough thing to do at this stage). Happy New Year - sad that we're all sitting on the bloody computer at midnight on NYE though. I know I need to change things and this is where it starts. x

Yes! Good for you! Live it all for you and make sure you enjoy every minute. You can shape your future, your past you learn by. It will be OK just have faith in yourself and clear out the rubish

FF you've had some brilliant answers on here. Are you OK?

Scrooged and SB - please be my friend too, my advisors, my mentors. Pure genius.

I am so sorry fizzfiend, I hope that 2009 brings more happiness.

I am sure many of us have done things we know we shouldn't, we just learn by them.

New year new start.

It is a mess, on that you are right! Not from a moralistic point of view, just a "done lots got the t-shirt" point of view, but for gods sake please step back and have a good think. I hope you find the answers x

Serial mistake maker here too

It just goes to show what sort of human being fizzfriend's OM is when he thinks it's ok to tell you he's gonna be unavailable for the next couple of days due to being with another woman!!! And he tells you this while you are having an intimate text conversation on NYE

Hope you can move on from this (I can't let go of mine no matter how badly he treats me ) because it's so self distructive.

No one should gloat. It is bloody hard when your heart is fucked up. I have the best man in the world and still nearly threw it all away. I hope it will get easier. Steps forward, steps back but carrying on.

Actions speak louder than words - if OM wanted to be with you, he would, instead of texting.

This man doesn't love you, he's using you (3 women on the go and you can bet he sends the same line to all of you.)

God, I'm sorry, but this sounds very patronising, but honestly it's true: you need to address the inadequacies in your own marriage, not distract yourself with another man. And I mean that entirely without judgement - I would guess that OM preys on women who are unhappy in current relationships and plays a subtle game that keeps you WITH your dh whilst wanting OM. He gets a woman who longs for him without the strain of commitment.

I would bet my last Rolo he's still sleeping with his exDP as well.

He is a weakling and sooner or later he will give you and STI, get you pregnant or call you the wrong name.

I really hope you send him packing and come to the best decision with your marriage. 2009 is NOT the year to be treated like shit (I have decreed )

i don't know what to add.
don't wallow.
make your life, make yourself happy and love yourself

Fizz you ok?

SB - yes me too making silly moves etc but never had a forum like this to 'run it by' I'm quite new on here. What you said above is a great mantra and I hope you are ok now too. x

SB - nice one, and yes - i am now respectiable mother of two in a respectable job (wish i could say it was high powered but it's not) and I am now single again oh dear. [I must remember to behave myself - repeat 10,000 times]

and the rest of your post I can mirror.

Good for you. And I would so never judge anyone and very much 'there for the grace of.... etc).
x

Thanks so much for all your responses. They really made me think about things. I know OM doesn't love me, but I am afraid I am addicted. I knew what he was like when I got into this thing. I am going to see him next week but I will make sure he knows what a shitty thing it was to tell me that he was seeing OOW!!!!!

Problem is he is one of those guys, not even good looking, who manages to drive women crazy. He can be so attentive and caring, he's also very confident with a glamourous job and also very good in bed! I'm so bloody superficial but I just can't help myself.

So, yes, my title was correct - I knew what I was getting into so I do deserve this to a certain extent, but it doesn't stop how I feel. I've never felt such a strong physical connection with anyone and it's like a drug (said roxy music!)

Today I'm feeling better but next week when I know he's with OOW I am going to be a basket case. I'm sure I'll be here then!! Life is so complicated, but I keep thinking that I'd rather have ups and downs rather than one long straight road.

He sounds like a slimy git, you will see that you are far better off out of it. Turn and run as fast as you can from him. The ups and downs tend to turn into one big downer with a few titchy ups. It will change you in a bad way and it will eat away at you. You deserve someone who loves you for you being you, someone who you don't have to share.
You have the rest of your life, don't waste precious time with this dickhead. You won't be able to get this time back so only choose to give it to those who are worthy.

If you had a friend in the same situation and she asked you for help and support, what would you say to her?

socialp - what do you want, really?

talk to me