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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

For those that like to gloat, please do. I deserve it!

134 replies

Fizzfiend · 31/12/2008 23:54

Just been texting my OM. He is unavailable for a couple days next week as he is seeing his proper girlfriend (I am just the bit on the side). I didn't know he was still seeing her. He has just left his DP (with whom he has 2 kids). What a mess. Have been in floods of tears. DH has not bothered me...that's another conversation I need to have (our marriage isn't working, etc). Bloody hell...you women with nice DHs are SO lucky! Please give them a hug. I am so fucked. Nobody loves me (aaaah!) Well my dd does. If I were a weaker person I would be throwing myself off a cliff right now. But time for another vodka so I can toast the New Year in by myself with my goldfish.

OP posts:
revjustaboutwipestheslateclean · 02/01/2009 20:31

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NAB3lovelychildren · 02/01/2009 20:31

I thought you were being surprisingly supportive until your last sentence, LivveyAnnaLivia.

NAB3lovelychildren · 02/01/2009 20:32

Slightly different with me though as neither wanted/could leave our other halves but we would have liked to have found a way to have some kind of relationship. I would have taken just friendship.

socialpariah · 02/01/2009 20:38

I think he was happy though. We just fell in love and neither of us expected to.
She really wants her marriage to work.
its more awful when I think what I have done to her tbh.

NAB3lovelychildren · 02/01/2009 20:39

I can understand that. I was feeling really guilty about my om's wife and she didn't even know anything.

If you want him, you have to tell him and he has to make a choice and if he choices to stay with his wife FINISH IT.

revjustaboutwipestheslateclean · 02/01/2009 20:44

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solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 02/01/2009 20:47

Socialpariah, if I am remembering correctly from your other threads, your lover is a spineless shit who's either enjoying all the drama of Forbidden Love or just hasn't got the balls to make a decision and stick to it. He's gone running back to wifey twice - this isn't a man who you will ever be able to depend on.
Fizzfiend: has your chap ever offered you an exclusive relationship? If not, then you can't really reproach him for not remaining exclusive to you if he never said he would - he hasn't lied.
I do know how horrible it is to be obsessed with someone you can't be with for whatever reason, and the only cure I can offer apart from the obvious one of time healing all, is to try and think of as many ludicrous, offputting things about him as possible. (I got cured of one miserable obsession when I fell into a conversation with some people who knew the bloke in question and they thought he was an idiot - not WRT his love life, WRT his crapness at his job and idiotic boasting. It put me right off even though they didn't know I'd had a fling with him and weren't dissing him to cheer me up - it was actually even more effective).

socialpariah · 02/01/2009 20:51

I don't believe he is a 'spineless shit'.

NAB3lovelychildren · 02/01/2009 20:52

what do you want to do, love?

LiffeyAnnaLivia · 02/01/2009 20:53

NAB3, I phrased it badly because I was in a hurry, I meant staying in an unhappy marriage because you believe it's the best thing for the children is such a heartbreakingly common misconception.

NAB3lovelychildren · 02/01/2009 20:54

Must be AWful knowing that a former friend thinks so badly of you.

^that is what I took exception too, Livvey

LiffeyAnnaLivia · 02/01/2009 20:55

oh yes, NAB3, I see what you mean now. I didn't mean that as a dig, I really didn't, I meant to offer sympathy.

Everybody is all over me tonight, busting my chops.

socialpariah · 02/01/2009 20:57

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LiffeyAnnaLivia · 02/01/2009 20:57

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NAB3lovelychildren · 02/01/2009 20:57

oh bugger, can i ask who the father is?

LiffeyAnnaLivia · 02/01/2009 20:59

Social, is this your usual screen name?

socialpariah · 02/01/2009 20:59

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NAB3lovelychildren · 02/01/2009 21:01

oH GOODNESS. oops

I have to go now but I will try and help later, or at least listen and you can cat me too if you want

socialpariah · 02/01/2009 21:01

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socialpariah · 02/01/2009 21:02

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LiffeyAnnaLivia · 02/01/2009 21:03

Oh, my goodness. Poor you. Is your husband treating you alright? I know he can't be thrilled but I hope he's not being cruel.

socialpariah · 02/01/2009 21:08

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socialpariah · 02/01/2009 21:10

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solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 02/01/2009 21:12

A man can be a good father but a lousy partner (whether to anyone or just to the mother of his DC ie some people's relationships just don't work out). Time is a great healer for messes like this but first everyone has to acknowledge that this is the situation, it won't go away so we all need to try to make the best of it rather than running around screaming abuse at each other. SP you do seem to be taking more than your share of the blame for the situation: you didn't get PG all by yourself and the OM has a duty to support you financially at least.

LiffeyAnnaLivia · 02/01/2009 21:13

Social, you should ask to have any posts you are particularly worried about deleted.