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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am having an affair

141 replies

donthateme · 20/12/2008 21:29

ok, I have namechanged. I'm a regular. First of all, can I say I'm not looking for affirmation of what I'm doing; I also hope I don't get flamed, though I accept that I'm taking that risk.
I've been having an affair for the last year.
We don't meet very often, maybe a dozen times over the year, and it's very much a sex affair. There's no emotional baggage; we're not falling in love with eachother, we just fancy eachother and have amazing sex.
A bit of background - my dh has had a couple of flings over the years we've been together. I was devastated when I discovered, but we've worked through the issues and are happy together. Yes, on some deeper level my affair is perhaps about having to prove I am attractive and desirable, but having said that, i'm confident that my dh loves me and is 'the one' for me.
I don't believe my affair is hurting anyone. I would never ever tell anyone in RL about it. I totally accept that it won't last forever, but in the meantime, it makes us both happy.
In the light of recent affair threads, I', genuinely interested to hear other people's views on this. Is anyone else in a similar situation? Or been in one in the past? Do any of you think I am totally utterly morally wrong? If so, why?

OP posts:
dittany · 21/12/2008 00:05

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

donthateme · 21/12/2008 00:07

I think I feel stronger dittany, which is perhaps the same thing as feeling less open to being hurt again.
Isn't that a good thing? I feel it is.

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dittany · 21/12/2008 00:08

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CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/12/2008 00:11

Is it the fact that your affair is currently a secret from everyone but you and this man that gives you the thrill? If it was all out in the open (between you and your DH at least), would that lessen the thrill somewhat?

donthateme · 21/12/2008 00:13

Good question curly. Don't really know the answer to that one... In all likelihood it would change it, yes, and maybe there would be less of the thrill factor. Who knows?

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CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/12/2008 00:13

Just asked the above question because you say you feel stronger now. Is this because you feel you are managing to pull the wool over DH's eyes to some extent at the moment and "get one over on him" in a way?

Or is it purely because you feel desired by a man other than your DH?

HolyGuacamole · 21/12/2008 00:15

What is it this week?

I'm afraid I don't find any justification for shagging someone behind you DHs back. 2 wrongs do not make a right.

Disgraceful behaviour.

donthateme · 21/12/2008 00:20

Well, I doubt any of us can unravel our deepest motivations about why we do what we do. All I can say is that a conscious level, I dont believe I am 'getting off' on feeling I'm deceiving my dh. I dont feel I am getting revenge. I dont want revenge. I know my dh wants to be married to me. If he didn;t, then I doubt he'd be here. I think I feel stronger because I like having exciting and fun sex which is inevitably different from the kind of sex you have with your long term partner.

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Dragonbrandybutter · 21/12/2008 00:23

i hate you.
but hey, let's agree to disagree.

dittany · 21/12/2008 00:25

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

donthateme · 21/12/2008 00:26

Wow - if you're for real, then that's a really extreme reaction as you don't know me!

Interesting how the topic stirs up really powerful emotions though.

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donthateme · 21/12/2008 00:26

(that was to dragon btw)

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catsmother · 21/12/2008 00:29

Ah .... the age old excuse for not being open about an affair. If the unknowing, trusting wife finds out, she will be unhappy .... so for her sake she is kept in ignorant "bliss".

Of course it's relevant .... if you are questionning the morality of a situation, you cannot conveniently ignore someone who has a vested interest in the situation .... someone who presumably made vows with a view to abiding by them.

I have no issue with open marriages if both parties consent to that arrangement, but you - and your lover - have no moral right to decide to keep what you're doing from his wife and your husband (I have only skimmed the thread ... maybe your husband does know ?) If both of you feel compelled to seek something outside of what your spouses understand to be the status quo, then that compulsion should be discussed before it's acted upon. Some people might actually be okay with it I suppose, but all evidence suggests that most wouldn't be and that you would therefore need to make a choice about whether to stay or whether to go if your partners found it intolerable .....

.... in which case, by not broaching the issue of being attracted to, (and acting upon that), other people, you are having your cake and eating it - the best of both worlds and so on. You won't be honest, because then there's a (probably high) risk that you will lose out in some way .... which is selfish and is immoral.

I'm certainly no psychologist but the fact your DH has had affairs too probably does contribute to the situation you are in, and your attitude to it, and I do understand that up to a point ..... but what I don't understand is why anyone would deliberately do anything that could potentially devastate someone else's life (do they have kids ?). You have no way of guaranteeing that his wife would never find out so you are gambling here ..... and yes, I know you are not her husband, and that he not you, owes her loyalty etc., but you are enabling him to do the dirty on her.

If you are confident and happy with the way you live your life I genuinely don't understand why you would feel the need to come and philosophise about the morality of affairs on an internet forum. Surely there are only 2 reasons for doing that (if you're not wracked with guilt and therefore seeking a kick up the bum to sort things out) and that is a) you are actually boasting or b) you want the approval of strangers (which would indicate that you do carry some guilt, but want to eat that cake, and are hoping that a bunch of strangers can make you feel better so you can carry on).

Dragonbrandybutter · 21/12/2008 00:30

ok so i don't hate you.
that's too strong an emotion for somebody i don't know.
but your name isn't 'dontnotlikeme' so i had to work with what you gave me.

You sound horribly selfish and unfeeling.

FWIW, i do hate my father for his affair (s?), so your own children may feel the same WHEN they find out.

donthateme · 21/12/2008 00:31

dittany - yours posts make sense. Yes, I think maybe it;s about protection. But is that such a bad thing? Don't we go through life trying to protect ourselves one way or another?

If my dh had never had flings which he'd admitted to, maybe I wouldnt be doing this. But he did. And maybe in the light of that, doing what I'm doing now is the best path for us. Maybe feeling stronger and happier is good for us both.

None of us can rewind and relive the past again. What we've been through shapes how we live our lives. I think without the affair I would be happy-ish, but would probably have felt a little rejected on one level, even though my dh has chosen to stay with me. As things are, I feel desirable on another level, as well as knowing I am loved and needed by my dh

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pearapplestrawberryleaf · 21/12/2008 00:35

Yes in theory one can compartmentalise and have a relationship that's just sex. Just watch out if you decide to end it and it turns out that (even though he may not have realised it himself) your fellow affairee hasn't been compartmentalising quite as effectively as you both think he has been. Watch the fallout then.

Affairs can burn you in surprising ways, even if you think you've defended yourself against all the obvious things like falling in love, or actually wanting the other person to leave their spouse, etc. You really are playing with fire, however well adjusted or well defended you think you are...

CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/12/2008 00:35

I can't decide whether you belong to the 1970s and swinging parties, or to the Royal Family......

I'm off to bed. I don't agree with what you're doing in any way and your justifications sound hollow, to be honest. If I was the other bloke's wife, I'd want you hung, drawn and quartered, especially considering you've been in that position yourself.

You seem to think it's ok though, if you feel no guilt. We can't MAKE you feel guilty, clearly,so I'll guess you'll just carry on as you are, until either you get found out, or have it all out with your husband.

dittany · 21/12/2008 00:38

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/12/2008 00:44

I also just wanted to ask whether you both went to any relationship counselling after his affairs?

donthateme · 21/12/2008 00:45

I thought about leaving dittany. Seriously. There isn't one simple reason why I decided not to. I suppose overall, we love eachother, we really do enjoy one anothers company, we have children together, shared friends, a shared life. On balance, if I had my time over again, knowing what I know now, I would still marry my DH.

I can see the sense of what you say, and in theory I agree. But I suppose in reality, that means that an affair is only ever ok when every party knows about it, everyone is totally happy, everyone has covered all their bases, and protected themselves against inadvertantly falling in love etc. How realistic is it that all those things will magically come together? I mean, even if I came clean and told my DH everything, would I still be wrong, because how would I know whether the other man has told his wife? He could tell me that he's told her - but how would I know for certain? He could be lying.

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donthateme · 21/12/2008 00:46

Laughing at curly's suggestion of 70s swinger or Royalty. If you knew me, you'd know that I don't fit either stereotype.

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CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/12/2008 00:47

"He could tell me that he's told her - but how would I know for certain? He could be lying."

See, that's the problem for me, donthateme, the common thread running through all your posts just seems to be a complete lack of trust from anybody, on any level.

dittany · 21/12/2008 00:52

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pearapplestrawberryleaf · 21/12/2008 00:53

But that would apply to any relationship - anyone could in theory have another partner even if they are officially single. It's not a flaw peculiar to affairs, that one party might be lying about their availability, and it doesn't make it pointless being open in other ways. What makes it pointless being open is probably that most people don't go for being in an open marriage, so it wouldn't work, and also one of the attractive things about affairs is the 'forbidden' part - that's the heady, drug-like bit that contributes to it being so much more exciting than the main relationship - that's what makes it so dangerous too. Take that away and a lot of affairs just wouldn't happen, they just wouldn't be as intoxicating and desirable as something to do.

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 21/12/2008 00:53

I'm sorry I haven't got time to read the whole thread so forgive me if I'm repeating many people - but just wanted to say of course the sex is amazing! It's an affair - it's supposed to be amazing - if it was shit you wouldn't still be doing it would you?

Betraying your husband with another lover is wrong - whether he's been shagging around or utterly faithful - an affair is wrong and somewhere somebody will get hurt. If you are very, very lucky it won't be you.

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