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weird

139 replies

T464 · 18/12/2008 12:18

This is weird ... and have been thinking about it for awhile... here it is:

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T464 · 18/12/2008 16:35

Oh I am learning to much!!! Thank you!!! This is amazing. So much is coming to light about this guy that I never understood before. Thank you to all who have joined the thread! it's unbelievable once these things get revealed. I'm just amazed. Have been struggling with understanding this for so long.

So glad to hear there are others who have experienced something similar. Well, maybe "glad" is not the word. As I would NOT wish the experience on another!!!

I'm excited at making all these new discoveries, a little slap-happy from lack of sleep --- and I am also surprised that I still find myself somehow thinking even though many of the traits fit and the whole half-human thing (when I wrote, gettingagrip that I was laughing, I mean that in a very good way! :-)) helps me to understand the situation, I still find it So difficult to acept fully that this guy was/is really like that. I still just so much want to believe that he is really a good person, that, oh, this is all some weird dream, I'll wake up, he'll call, money will come in! etc....

I don't want to accept that I let this kind of being slip inside me like that.

eeewwwwhhh.

very very creepy.

Thank you, BingleJells for your comments!! I know intellectually it's good to think he's gone, he's out, and done. I just am still having a bit of trouble fully accepting it. Even as I write these things to you, still in the back of my mind is that tiny little place saying: oh, he's not really that bad, he's not really a narcissist, etc. I'll find out in the end he's really good, etc. (OK -- it is a small brain part... but still that little bit....)

Somehow it's much easier to accept that I somehow have a problem, or am crazy or insane -- but that he really is just such a good person who just did not choose me. And like it's all OK.

Admitting he's a freak, or has been acting like a freak -- means , well, if I admit he is bad, then I have to admit I made a mistake letting him in. That is scary.

It's like: what happened to the radar?

And I guess -- if he's good, then I'll get my money back!! ..... :-)

argh.

How did you get swindled and indebted? (That's been the most embarrassing for me to admit, I thought it was something unique to my situation. Surprising to see I am not alone in it.)

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T464 · 18/12/2008 16:39

Gettingagrip -- Did you go a little nutty during your experience with this?.... and if so, were you able to return at the end of it?

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T464 · 18/12/2008 16:42

By you I mean, your true being.

Does that make sense?

I feel, in my situation like I've just gone so different/weird in order to deal with it, in order simply to communicate with this guy.

Am wondering how it is for you out the other side?

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Gettingagrip · 18/12/2008 16:48

BingleJells

Go to a different doctor. Take this thread with you. There are several books on Amazon which describe this disorder. Buy the most recent one you can find.

T464

It was my ex-husband-N and his N family who indebted and swindled me. I have known many Ns!!! I was trained by my N-parents, and only now in my 50s am I discovering the terrible realities of my life.

Am I nuts? Yes of course. Have I returned? The problem I have is that I have no idea who the Hell I am now. I have only ever existed as a narcissist's assistant.

That's pretty mind-blowing.

T464 · 18/12/2008 16:50

Gettingagrip wrote:

"Back from walk.

These people often reach 'high' positions. They are often heads of cults or religions, or cranky organisations.

Alternatively they join the forces, where they can be big fish in little ponds.

Their mantra is 'its all about me, me , me'."

-- This is what has also been bothering me in this situation. Since the guy has such high standing in society and seems to get praise and accolades, that also drove me batty. Because I kept thinking why am I as a good and honest person completely dragged down here (and was also suicidal at one point, ironically while we were still "together" (well, I thought we were together!!! To me, we were. That was my reality)) and this guy as a swindler seems to be advancing all the time? Where is he getting his non-stop enegry to move forward? How was he able constantly to brush things off so easily?

It has made me contemplate exposing him publicly. A part of me wants to SOOO BAD! Because it just does not seem right that he should be leading organizations based on integrity and honesty. it seems like a farce. He should be exposed.

I also wish, as BingleJells put it that there had been some marking on the guy!!!

It makes me want to mark him!!!

Reminds me of an "Oprah" episode where the jilted multiple-wives of a man ran a web-site to warn others of him. Oh how I have searched the web for a site on this guy! Never found one. Think of starting one.....

But then I wonder: what's the use?! I mean how is that really going to help me?!?

oprah's point to those women was: do you really want to spend all your time focusing on this?!

I wish so much I could somehow magically meet another former gf of his! I would love that!!

You said you recognize it now, Gettingagrip. How do you recognize it??

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Gettingagrip · 18/12/2008 16:54

I agree with the branding. They should be branded. A huge N in the middle of their foreheads.

T464 · 18/12/2008 16:56

Wow! Gettingagrip!

You wrote:"The problem I have is that I have no idea who the Hell I am now. I have only ever existed as a narcissist's assistant."

Wow! On one hand a problem, on the other an opportunity! It's like being reborn!

And you get to do it now!! It seems to me that that is the good part.

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Amazoniancracker · 18/12/2008 17:00

Hi again T464. My N simply stole all our money without a sngle remorseful thought. H drained our savings account of ten grand and drained our overdraft of ten grand leaving me ten grand in debt which i am now in crisis over the bank with.

I had worked my arse off all my life, never stopped since leaving Uni, had a very good career, university and post-grad educated, and he decided to vanish 6 months after we had produced a son together. He also abandoned his two daughters aged 9 and 11. They will be affected even more badly possiby, than my son.

He flitted abroad, and is now living with another woman. Told a pack of lies. has lied his way into a teaching post. he has chosen to live in a third-worldish country that has plenty of free and available sex and is full of perverted western men. Good luck to him I say. I hope and pray he never returns.

He too is privately schooled and university educated. He was charming, knowledgeable and a freak of the first order. I knew instinctively always that something was just not right. i should have listened to my gut instince but like gettingagrip says, I was too well trained.

yes he made me feel I was the mad one. He secretly recorded rows we had where I do all the rowing and he remains utterly silent.

I found a video on our camcorder yesterday, taken last christmas. He is filming the food ffs!! he is talking about the cheese board and the year of the wine we drank...he is panning slowly round the table at the half-demolished turkey and the cheese board again...and only eventually does he tilt up to find his wife and new born son sitting there...his voice sounds disconnected, he is acting the words...then he returns to filming the cheese board.

These people have no true emotions. They just know the words to use and when they have been rumbled or you are no longer idealised by them, they drop you like a piece of dog poo. And steal from you without a backward glance.

He left me totally reeling, feeling mad, insane, with no money, no job, a small baby to care for, and had told lie up on lie about me to his family (mind you it is a weird family that can produce this sort of a man so I am well rid of them too)

I too questioned and questioned if he was an N - I couldn't quite believe that sensible hard-working media diva moi had got entangled with such a warped bloke. That I actually MARRIED this one...because yes, there were others before him.

I am the child of an N and possibly two N's. But it has been so liberating to make all these discoveries - it has been like a thousand lightbulbs going on at once.

You are so much better off without this half-human - there is 'something of the night' about them. They infect people around them and they go on to repeate the cycle of behaviour and ABUSE which is what it is until, hopefully, they are old and have lost their charm. Many of them commit suicide.

This is the first day of the rest of your life. Give up trying to understand. Don't bother beating yourself up for getting involved. Be very very glad that he has discarded you and moved onto his next victim. You have lived to tell the tale. My H nearly bloody killed me! I mean emotionally and mentally....

I am so much better now and sing and laugh that I am alive and well - massively in debt and still not well enough to work - but alive and I have my wonderful son. We are doing just fine.

advisingcaution · 18/12/2008 17:03

sorry for you

onebatmotherofgoditschilly is right...if he actually created the mason's site he is credited and named...this could maybe a problem? and with that you can find pictures etc of him - if that isn't actually your ex, the person who it is iyswim might not be best pleased! and might actually sue someone...

Gettingagrip · 18/12/2008 17:07

Yes I suppose that's true T464! I can be whoever (whomever??) I would like to be!

As for how to recognise these 'things/ freaks'...the problem is that when you have had experiences with them you go to the extreme and see it everywhere. But if you take a little step back... and just Look...it is as plain as day.

T464 · 18/12/2008 17:13

Re: web site. I did not mention where he is living. Each chapter has their own site. He is actually NOT credited on the site (ghost wrote it)..... So no person can be traced from this description.

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Gettingagrip · 18/12/2008 17:17

Brill post Amazonian!

xxx

advisingcaution · 18/12/2008 17:18

then the problem is potentially worse! "by the way, he made the web site for the masons"...and the website says "created by..." on it...and the person who created it has a facebook page etc etc. i think it is v important to be clear that this man is not your ex!!

only because you don't want someone on your back for libel as well

T464 · 18/12/2008 17:19

Hello Amazoniancracker -- wow. Am sorry to hear that!

It keeps amazing me that getting involved with these nar.s has nothing to do with being smart or not!!

I used to think when I heard about stuff like this (and multiple wives), etc that maybe the women just weren't too bright and didn't see obvious signs!

Well, now I know!!! ........ now I know!!! ...

crazy, it still all seems so crazy!

I'm glad you have your son!

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advisingcaution · 18/12/2008 17:20

i didn't realise they all have a site - but that just means that many people could be implicated (the creator of each site), which means many potential lawsuits.

T464 · 18/12/2008 17:21

Hello advisingcaution! Thank you! I did not intend to imply anyone else. I certainly do not mean the MAIN masons site (if there is such a thing). How can I adjust this?

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advisingcaution · 18/12/2008 17:26

i don't know

sorry to be a pain - i'm a law freak!! its a rocky area because if you are not clear about exactly who a person is, but your description could mean any one of several people they all have a right to redress!! unless there are so many of them that it becomes silly basically...you know, " a man with red hair did it"! better in that situation to be absolutely clear about who it is, with no room for mistakes - because if it is true, obviously there is no case to answer!

see, i googled masonic lodge or something, came up with a website, googled the creator and found a person who i thought was your ex!!! (i'm not that bored, or even nosy - was just alerted by onebatmotherofgoditschilly's post and wondered if you could indeed follow a trail like that!)

T464 · 18/12/2008 17:40

Holy Canoly, advisingcaution!!!!! I had no idea!!!!! wow!

ohjeez. It's kind of funny (as in a welcome respite) to think of some other guy as being this person, other than the one himself (a respite for me in dealing with this) --- but in reality it is not funny at all!

I do not in any way intend to implicate someone here.

I have written a note to the main discussion about it.

Otherwise don't know what else to write about it, except to say clearly that this person's name that I am talking about DOES NOT exist on the web site as the creator of it. So this automatically excludes ANYONE whose name appears as a creator of any similar or related types of sites as being my aforementioned person!!!

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advisingcaution · 18/12/2008 17:41

but, in case it makes you chuckle in your sadness, bloke i found is seriously not a looker...thought he must be absobloominglutely fantasmamindblowinglyastic in bed

T464 · 18/12/2008 17:44

As for being a president of m.l. every one has a president. So that is like saying "mayor of a city" and he wrote a web site for which he is not listed/ credited.

That does not imply anyone specifically. (??)

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T464 · 18/12/2008 17:47

HHAAHHAAHHAAA!!!!!! Advisingcaution Thank you for the laugh!!!!! LOL

Ahh humour MUCH mUCH NEEDED!!!!!

best medicine, non?

that is hilarious. I am srriously and wonderfully deliciously laughing now!!!

LoLLlllll

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Gettingagrip · 18/12/2008 17:51

What is actually very funny indeed is that anyone who is an N would never recognise themselves anyway, as they are in denial!!!

That could never be them as they are perfect.!

Irony of ironies....!

Desiderata · 18/12/2008 18:03

Is he in the Grand Order of the Buffalo?

T464 · 18/12/2008 18:04

Gettingagrip - i wonder about the denial thing. I have always been afraid to be in denial of anything, so I am the first to admit to something, the first to think I am wrong (or actually, I have been this way in the past but that is very seriously changing!!) .... Still I consider things and think them over.

It seems to me that that is a human tendency.

All the friends I have do this.

If someone criticizes them, they think about it , as I do -- "is this true" "does this apply to me?" " Am I relaly like this and did not know it?"

....

So I've been going around in my head for many many months now with all the crazy allegations this man made wondering -- is this True???? Am I really the "Nut" here?

He called me "evil"!!!!

This is a grown man who's known me for 7 years.

I still have a hard time thinking that a person would not think about these things -- contemplate them.....

at least feel like: 'yep. I lied to save my own skin ....... I feel bad, but am not going to do anything about it ...."

But, really, he did not have to lie to save his skin, because he had already been exposed. He did not lie in terms of denying anything. He simply called me a "liar" (of what, I do not know) --

I also found out that he depicted me as a "stalker" type person to one of his friends. I think maybe in his mind he had ended the relationship, but that's as far as it went. He never actually had the conversation with me about it.

As best as I could figure out, in his mind, he makes decisions and changes and then that is fact. He does not do the next step, which would be to communicate said-changes to others involved. It's almost as if he assumes everything has been communicated or is changed once he thinks that way. Then he gets angry or frustrated if others don't act accordingly.

He seemed to be telling others I was like a stalker or something - couldn't get rid of me or something (I don't know what he said) but to me, over the phone he would praise my stick-to-it-iveness. He said that was what he loved most about me -- was that I never gave up!

Is that weird??!

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T464 · 18/12/2008 18:09

hello desiderata no not a buffalo...

I just did the search advisingcaution did, or something similar. Found again writing about how masons are groups that get together for the purpose of bettering themselves, becoming better people, more honest, etc. (!!) See I don't get this -- he's in a group for honesty and is one of their head-honchos, and then he calls me "evil" for receiving a phone call from his OW?!

Oh also, I was amazed by the speed and ease with which he lies. When I saw the woman's name come up on his old cell phone at odd times, I asked him about it. I was not suspicious, I NEVER in a MILLION gadjillion bazillion years would EVER have suspected him of anything other than what he said he was (honest, true, etc). Without skipping a breath he smoothly asked where I'd seen the name and said "oh. That's my sister."

I believed him.

'til she called...

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